Amy Winehouse and her husband Blake appeared to have gotten kinda rough with each other the other night, but then Amy texted Perez Hilton to assure him that Blake was the bestest husband ever and that the tabloids had this all wrong.
Apparently, he walked in on her about to do some drugs with a call girl, and swooped in to rescue her.
I hereby nominate this couple for the Best Example of a Healthy Marriage award.
According to this Sun article, some dude who was insecure about his wee-wee being too wee, told his girlfriend he wanted to have sex with her in the dark, and then once the lights were out he had his better-equipped brother “fill in” for him.
End result? RAPE charges for the brother, and accessory to rape charges for WeeWee McTooSmall.
Hee! 
Last night I had a dream that the creators of HR Pufnstuf had finally won the battle against reality that I have been fighting for years. It would appear that the good people of Nick, Jr. have decided that the acid-infused mind-numbingly brilliant times of the children shows of the 70s must be brought back from the dead AND they must include the big named stars like Elijah Wood. And for that I raise my glass to you Nick, Jr. Now I guess I can stop dropping and find a more healthy lifestyle, like sitting on the couch and watching TV with my great-grandkids. God bless, America.
Keeping up with the STD tag theme, the folks over at Holy Candy have put together the Derek Jeter Herpes Tree. The theory is that Jeter gave Jessica Alba the herp while dating. Out of this tree, I see the majority of young Hollywood. The interesting thing about the chart is that Robbie Williams is no where to be found, oh thats right, he doesn’t like girls.
I have more to write, but I need to go buy some stock in the company that makes Valtrax immediately.
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Chode. Douchebag. Simp. Floppy-fisted Turdwrangler. Really… any of these titles will work for any taint-sniffer who would challenge a plushy, ginormous-headed mascot to a breakdance dance-off.
So, here is Stamper, the nimble and spry elephant mascot of the Oakland A’s, being challenged to a dance-off by this douche. I have very little to say. However, if you have ever wanted to bask in the glory of your buddy’s awesomeness douchebaggery but just didn’t know how… watch the tool in the red shirt really let Stamper know who’s boss [insert Tony Danza joke here] when his buddy is done dancing.
By the way did I mention that Stamper is a gigantic carpet elephant?
Former “Big Brother” star and owner of popular Hollywood bars Dolce, Les Deux, Belle, you know, the ones you see on “The Hills” and read about all the celebrities going to, woke up with a little problem on his Johnson. He did what anyone would do, he called his friend, who is on a doctor on a nationally televised cable tv show, to have his STD diagnosed.
Also, you know you are addicted to your blackberry when you check it while you are getting a genital wart removed.
This Indian dude is apparently the oldest dude ever to father a kid. He’s NINETY. And he’s got 23 kids and 20 grandkids, some of whom he’s outlived. AND, he wants to have MORE KIDS. He says he wants to keep having kids till he’s 100.
Someone needs to stop this madness. I mean, props to him and all for being able to get it up enough to sperminate someone. But eeeew.
Robbie Williams is dating Clare Staples, a model. Who, as you might have noticed, is a WOMAN.
You might have also noticed that Robbie has really nice legs.
So there’s a new luxury travel phenomenon called Glamping - glamorous camping. And filthy rich people along with their spoiled rotten children are doing it. They are sleeping in tents, but the tents include a camp butler to build their fires, maids to attend to their heated comforters, and personal chefs. So, it’s camping for $710 a night. Families are also shown how to fish (in prime fishing spots chosen in advance by the staff), and are exposed to wildlife (animals which have been found in advance by the staff - the families are then driven right to them). The bathrooms, which are just a hop/skip from the tents, have heated slate floors and rain-forest showers with granite counters and fancy soap.
Click here for more details on a couple of families who glamped. And be prepared to be as filled with disdain and disgust as I am.
Question for our female and/or gay male readers: Please explain how Paris Hilton’s bangs do this. How is it that she can take hair from practically the back of the top of her head, comb it all the way down to her nose and then swoop it to the side and have it STAY there, without falling in her eyes?
HOW, I ask you.
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