The Mock Dock

The baby on the left is a SEVENTEEN POUND NEWBORN who was just brought into the world by some Siberian woman who already has eleven other kids.  NOT Salma Hayek. Can you believe it?  The baby on the left is a normal (and clearly annoyed) 7 pounder who is on record as saying, “WTF??” when she saw her new roommate.

As I was searching to see one of my favorite farting preacher videos on YouTube, I came across this little gem. You never know what you will find when you type in the word “fart”. So, for those of you with a sense of humor of a nine year old, like me, enjoy.

If you were to line up all the people in the world – and on the left end you put the most masculine-looking man in the world, and on the right end the most feminine-looking woman, and then lined up everyone in between….these two would be in the very center.

Who will win the coveted prize?  Using your Verizon Wireless phone, dial the number 1 for “Gert Johnny’s”, number 2 for “Gervis” and number 3 for “Cool Candys”. Standard rates do apply, voting will end by 1973. Thanks for playing!

So I was frolicking about on a well-known celebrity gossip blog, and took a moment to check out some of the site advertising.  This picture, ladies and gentlemen, is the marketing tool used to advertise a gay guy networking site.

I used to think I knew the primary difference between gay guys and straight guys.  Little did I know that gay guys consider licking their own armpits and holding psuedo-identification badges a turn-on.

I have so much to learn.

I don’t have the time or space to mention all the funny things about this photo. I’ll try to make a list of the top three…Letterman style.

 #3…The guy in plaid looks like he’s just seen a ghost…oh wait, that’s Calista Flockhart.

#2…Calista looks a little frightened…must be because Harrison’s bulbous head is blocking her view.  

and the #1 funniest thing about this picture…This could be the movie poster for the new Indiana Jones movie: The Curse of the Goofy, the Skeleton and the Little Troll Doll. The couple in the back is just first in line at the box office.

Renee Zellweger, seen here after her daily 22 hour workout, manages to find the time to listen to Kenny Chesney on her Ipod AND simultaneously trim her eyebrows.  Stars….they’re just like us!

Britney is finally being charged for the hit-and-run accident she was in a few months ago.   The victim of the accident admitted that the damage to her car wasn’t all that significant, but she felt “disrespected” by the pop star.

Since Britney doesn’t have a California driver’s license either, she might face up to a year in prison.  She’s having a banner week, our Britney.  I’m hoping for a secret meth lab in her basement or maybe the discovery of necrophiliac tendencies from her this week.  Surprise me, Britney!!

Salma Hayek gave birth to a baby giraffe girl this week.  Scientists remain baffled by her inexplicable 3 year gestational period.

Four days people until the Best. Show. Ever. returns to television.  Straight from NBC.com here is what we have been waiting for…the first episode…..”A freak accident causes Michael to feel the office is cursed. He explores the religious beliefs of his employees before deciding to hold a charity 5K fun run. Meanwhile, further developments in the romances of Pam and Jim, and Dwight and Angela are explored.” I am Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pumped.