OJ Simpson, famous for his ability to find real killers on golf courses and to provide hypothetical, conjectural, speculative theories on how a person MIGHT POSSIBLY kill another person, enjoys dating women with enormous boobies and bad tan-lines. Oh yeah - and who look a whole lot like a certain woman he murdered.
I’m just saying.
Umm…I was doing my daily 6 hour search of You Tube…you know, all in a day’s work. Anyway, I happened upon this fine fellow performing what I assume to be a popular song - I had to watch the original to confirm. Seriously, if there was some kind of award that we here at Mock Dock gave out for best musical performance, he would be my vote.
This Getty Images photo features Amy’s out of control hair and meth mouth. I’ve seen canyons narrower than that gap between her teeth.
Debra Messing is under investigation by authorities for smuggling illegal immigrants into the country. When asked what prompted the investigation, agents simply offered this photograph and said there was no other logical reason anyone would wear this outfit unless they were hiding several mexicans in it.
Developing…
Scientists think they have found life on the planet Mars. Stay tuned…
I would like to discuss two of the upcoming fall shows, brought to us by ABC. First up we have a comedy starring everyone’s favorite dumb blonde, Christina Applegate.
Here is what ABC has to tell us: “It’s a common fantasy: rewind your life, erase all the mistakes and cringe-worthy moments and start over with a clean slate. But for Samantha Newly, the fantasy is far too real. After a hit-and-run car accident puts her into an eight-day coma, she wakes up with retrograde amnesia — meaning that she can function in the world but she can’t remember a single fact about her own life. That’s when our heroine begins the long, comic process of starting over and digging for clues about her former not-so-nice self.”
Yeah, wow ABC…you have some fine writers over there. I can’t wait to see the hilarity that will be this show. Sign me up. Oh wait, it seems that I have a standing (and simultaneous) dentist and gynecologist appointment….every Tuesday night. Oh, its on Mondays? Umm….
OK, to show #2….. CAVEMEN! Once again ABC takes us where we never wanted to go…here is what they share:
“Over the last hundred thousand years, mankind has evolved from primitive creatures to sophisticated beings, except for a small minority who unfortunately didn’t evolve physically at all. Now three sophisticated cavemen (who already have a fan base from their popular GEICO commercials) are living in modern-day Atlanta, where they are at odds with contemporary society as they struggle to overcome their physical appearance and the accompanying stereotypes.”
Really? A fanbase. Wow. Are these the same folks who collected Rap Cat CD’s, McDonald’s happy meal Hot Wheels, and who still purshase Hardee’s plastic California Raisins on eBay? How many people are ABC counting on from this “fanbase” to pull this show through?
Luckily we here at MockDock don’t have to worry about things like “ratings” and “fanbases” since we have millions of viewers hourly who continually crash our system with all of their comments. But, its a good problem to have….blessing and a curse…and all that jazz. More reviews to come…
I got the crap kicked outta me last night. When I sobered up this morning, I was sitting in the drunk tank at the local precinct with a black eye, a cut over my left eyebrow, and severe bruising on both of my shins. This sucks.
As I was interviewed by the police to assess possible charges, I was informed that the taint-sniffer who beat me up was a Parking Meter. I guess all of my years doing my hand-to-hand combat training in the Korean minor-leagues isn’t paying off…
Absurdly yours,
Holmes
While I was drinking an unhealthy amount today, I managed to actually catch the number “24″ on the back of a pair of crocs. For the love of god, if wearing crocs was not bad enough for man in his 40’s, please do not incorporate nascar into this trend. Also, please do not wear the same shoes as your 4 year old nephew. I say nephew because if you are wearing crocs at age 45, you probably never got laid anyway.
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So today the judge who’s in charge of deciding the fate of Britney’s kids said that basically Britney has problems. These problems include the use of controlled substances and alcohol. Surprise! Further, the judge says that if she wants to keep her 50/50 custody arrangement, she has to do all sorts of court ordered stuff, including but not limited to:
1. Twice weekly drug tests
2. Going to parenting classes WITH KEVIN
3. Not drinking 12 hours before she’s supposed to have her kids
4. Spending 8 hours a week with a parenting coach
Britney’s response was to switch lawyers. Again. She’s on her 3rd lawyer in as many days. Her next response was to offer her kids a hit on her crack pipe.
Ah, how the mighty have fallen.
This dude was in a car accident in Venezuela, and pronounced dead. So imagine the surprise of the coroner when during the autopsy, the dude WOKE UP. http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=3611647
Yeah - so the coroner was just going about his business cutting into this dude’s face. It didn’t occur to him to maybe check for a pulse or a heartbeat or something before starting to slice. Nope - he just relied on some piece of paper that said, Yup - this guy is dead - Have at it.
I don’t know about law in Venezuela, but if this happened here, Gloria Allred would see to it that this guy would become a skabillionaire. And maybe also award him custody of Britney Spears’ children.
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