She was a slight girl, raven-haired and full of life. As she trundled up the snow-covered sidewalk, eyes glistening against the sunny, Wisconsin winter day… hope, prosperity, joy filled my heart and my world-wearied soul. Breezing past me, jacket cold from the harsh breeze, a simple look, a wink in return, and she scuddled off to play with her newest set of Lego toys.
Fast forward 11 years… as she pulls away for a night out with her friends, I realize that my little girl will be an adult in a few short months. Life is pulling her away. Later that night, as the door bell rings, I know that all of that hope is gone. The officer informed me that during the raid he recognized her, her addled body, frought with needle marks, blood pouring from her nose…
So this happened last night on Dancing with the Stars. First and foremost, is this perhaps the clingiest guy ever? He is all over her like a drunken prom date.
Secondly, I LOVE that the audience laughs when she faints. I understand that people don’t know how to react at times like those, but laughing? Did they think it was part of her schtick? This folks is why I continue to love reality tv. This and the fact that I don’t have cable.
So apparently AskMen.com has announced their “top men of 2007″ list, and David Beckham is on the tippy tippy top of that list, the result of a poll of over 87,000 men. They say that “between his tremendous talent, English charm, stylish wardrobe, and slick haircuts, Becks is single-handedly making soccer relevant stateside.”
I get this. David Beckham could be sitting on a porto-potty picking his nose, belching and biting his own toenails, and there would still be women (and probably some men too) clamoring about to expound on his dreaminess. Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Clive Owen also made the list - and these are also understandable. They’re guys that other guys see and think, “Yeah - it’s probably pretty good to be that guy.” But you know who was 27 on that list?
RYAN SEACREST. Which makes me really question a) the voting authenticity and b) the qualifications required to be nominated for this list. Has anyone even yet determined if Ryan is 100% male?
So I don’t consider myself a sports buff…I really only like to watch the “home teams” if you will. So, last night I actually tuned in to Monday Night Football to watch the Indianapolis Colts destroy yet another team. I was distracted, however, by the fools that were commentating the event. Now, I don’t know these gentlemens’ names, nor do I care. I could just not get over how much of a man-crush these fellows had for Tom Brady.
Tom Brady wasn’t even playing last night…but they brought up his name 10 to 15 times a minute. It was like they were three eighth grade girls sitting in their pajamas, writing the name of Tom Brady in their notebooks over and over…writing their first names with Brady as their last name…dreaming and giggling about Tommy and his tight butt. It was ridiculous. Here is a sample of the dialogue from last night…or at least how I remember it:
“Manning throws to Harrison…speaking of throwing…you know who throws, like, AMAZING? Tom Brady. He seriously could throw me anywhere he wants.”
“Oh I know. Manning has impressive stats tonights, but GAWD, did you see Tom Brady yesterday? He was looking H….O….T….HOT!”
“Sanders with the tackle…what a great defense Indianapolis has. You know what would make it better? Tom Brady. I’m not even sure what that means, but geeze…I can’t get that guy off my mind!”
“We would like to welcome Russell Crowe to the box. Hi Russell…so tell me, if you could play any football player in a movie who would it………………..it would be Tom Brady, right? I KNEW it!”
Reese was quoted in the AP saying, “I have a real aversion to talking about my own personal politics just because I feel the influence sometimes, I see the influence of celebrity on our culture. And to think that my opinion is any more informed than anyone else’s or taken as thus is erroneous. I’m just like everybody else. I’m learning, reading, I’m trying to figure it out.”
She is officially on my list of girl crushes. Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Rosie O’Donnell, Ashley Judd, and all the other big-mouthed celebrities who insist on shoving their politics down everyones’ throats can suck it.
Hilary Duff performed at some show the other night. I’m not sure whether it was a vocal performance or a simulation of some kind, if you know what I mean. It’s just a really odd way to hold a microphone, is all I’m saying.
This is what Janice Dickinson and some naked guy looked like at some crazy PETA anti-fur rally. And this is what it looks like when you’re caught practically falling over trying to check out the naked guy’s cash and prizes (see dude on the left). GOTCHA!
Sometimes makeup can be too much of a good thing. Like when your stylist forgets that your shoulders are supposed to be roughly the same color as your chest. She must have run out of bronzer after clearly using an entire BOTTLE on Ashley Judd’s face, throat and chestular area. But sometimes…..
…you shouldn’t allow your stylist out of your sight.
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