The Mock Dock

I imagine the conversation right when she was going under the knife went something like this:

Debbie: I’d like my nose to look like Reese Witherspoon.

Surgeon:  Owen Wilson?  You bet.

Debbie:  No – I want it to look less smashed.

Surgeon:  Right – the guy from Wedding Crashers.  I got it. 

Debbie:  Wait – no.  You need to do me up pretty.

Surgeon:  You, Me and Dupree?  Yes – I’ve seen him in that one too.  Count backwards from 100.

Katie Holmes’ new haircut makes Tom look so short!

I’m just saying.

So Ashley and Madeline Albright are being featured on the Sundance Channel’s Iconoclasts series. And I know that in theory all the humanitarian things that Ashley spends time on are worthy and perfectly nice causes. But please. Am I the only one who thinks she is talking at a snail’s pace in this preview – as if to suggest that Madeline Albright might not be able to keep up otherwise? And she’s “touched” by malaria treatments. Really? Touched? I can see thinking they’re nifty and useful – but being touched by them? No.

HATE. This is how I bet Ashley looked at Madeline off camera:

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Have his eyebrows always looked like this?  It kinda looks like he’s had so much botox that he could actually be furiously angry in this photo and we would have no idea.

Robbie Williams, pictured here looking as masculine and heterosexual as ever in his full beard and mustache, is dating a soap star.  Since I don’t watch soaps or know any of the stars, her name is irrelevant.  The point is, she’s a girl.  YAY!

Here’s your everyday average photo capture of Lindsay Lohan, off to do her regular normal routine – shopping, eating, whatever.  So it really struck me when in the background appeared a barely dressed angry-looking person who seems determined to tell Lindsay something.  Let’s discuss.  What do you think she’s saying?

I have no idea who this is.  But really – what does it matter?  Should I really go to any great lengths to identify a woman who would wear this get-up?

Or does it totally look like Britney’s boobs have grown into her dashboard?

Instead of bemoaning the decline of America for allowing Kevin Federline to be a) on the cover of a magazine and b) declared as one of the most influential men under 45, I’m just going to assume that the editor of Details magazine is under the impression that “influential” actually means “enormously fertile and the better of two evils”.