Instead of bemoaning the decline of America for allowing Kevin Federline to be a) on the cover of a magazine and b) declared as one of the most influential men under 45, I’m just going to assume that the editor of Details magazine is under the impression that “influential” actually means “enormously fertile and the better of two evils”.
Nicole Kidman, who claims to have never had Botox, demonstrates her unique ability to only wrinkle at the outside tip of each eyebrow when she tries to look surprised.
Salma Hayek, who was pregnant for approximately 3 full years, gave birth to her baby girl several weeks ago. And this is the baby. I know - I’m surprised too. I thought she’d be basically full grown based on the length of gestation and the size of Salma’s belly.
Other blog sites are speculating that Amy Winehouse’s TAMPON STRING is showing in this picture. But I’m having a hard time believing that someone who obviously cares deeply about her personal appearance and hygiene would allow that to happen.
Your boy, Holmes, has spent the better part of his life seeking ways to alter the reality in which he has been forced to live … all to no avail.
The Japanese have come closest. It all makes sense to me: the world’s greatest sport, pastel lumberjack underpants, a giant bunny with a whistle and binoculars. Who needs LSD… we have Japanese TV.
Now if we could only get a midget to laugh at the game… you could clearly see through Holmes’s eyes!
Absurdly yours,
Holmes
Kim Kardashian, famous for having an ass that defies logic, recently posed in Playboy. And she was quoted as saying that one of the reasons she did it was because she’s not one of those “stick skinny girls” and thought girls need to see a “normal body”.
There are two things wrong with this. First, this is not a normal body. Second, if she wanted girls to see her body, why Playboy? Last I checked, this was a magazine geared towards MEN. Speaking of which, her step-dad, Bruce Jenner, has been quoted as saying that he “went and watched Kim do her shoot for the magazine cover”. Looks like Kim may have found her target audience after all.
Linda Hogan has filed for divorce. And she did it the really classy and mature way - so that instead of telling the Hulk directly, he found out when she was off on vacation and a reporter called him to ask him about it. Nice.
Apparently, news of the birth of his two children (now grown, of course) was delivered via a note during recess.
Britney’s Blackout is totally sucking the life out of the music charts after just four weeks post-release. But lest you become too depressed about that news, fret not, mockdockers. For I have other news which will surely buoy your spirits.
David Hasselhoff is in talks to make a Knight Rider movie. And yes, I’m aware that these two news items are completely unrelated.
After a 4 day long food frenzy, the mockers are ready to spring back into action and give you back the gossip, snark, and mockery you have come to expect from us.
Remember when Tara Reid was sort of famous for acting in some movies? And then she was REALLY famous for showing a botched up boob on the red carpet? And then she was famous for talking ad nauseum about all of the other botched up plastic surgeries she had? Well, all of that wasn’t enough for her. Now she wants to be famous for eating less than Keira Knightley and Angie Harmon. Well done, Tara!
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