The Mock Dock

Dear Angelina:  Remember back in the day when you carried Billy Bob Thornton’s blood in a vial around your neck?  And when you would have sex with him in the limo on the way to award shows and brag to interviewers about it?  And when you made out with your brother wearing a ridiculous goth outfit that made you look like Elvira?  And then remember how you got all hideously thin?

Where has that Angelina gone?  You used to give us a reason to mock you.  And now you’re all gorgeous and perfect and altruistic and motherly and charitable and you’re boinking a guy most women think is hotter than the sun.  And you have a nice rack.  Real ones even. 

To this I say: Enough already.  Can’t you get caught picking your nose on camera or something?  Or say something outrageous or go back to cutting yourself or SOMETHING?  Please, Ange.  For me.  For the MockDock.  It’d mean a lot.

Warmest Regards,

Mockarena