Monthly Archive for January, 2008Page 3 of 15

Warning: Scientology Rant

Published
by
Mockarena
on January 28, 2008
in Celebrity, Freak and Mockery
. 0 Comments

First, let’s start with a little scientology spoof. LOVE the video above. So great.

But I saw today that a recruiting/marketing video from the Scientologist wackjobs was leaked on the web. And this isn’t just a Tom Cruise not-meant-to-be-seen-by-the-general-public video, it’s an honest to goodness, here’s-why-you-should-be-a-scientologist video. And I’m here to tell you - it’s creepier than Adnan Ghalib. Here’s an excerpt:

“Right this instant, you are at the threshold of your next trillion years. You will live it in shivering, agonized darkness, or you will live it triumphantly in the light. The choice is yours, not ours.

If you, this minute, say, “I will, for better or for worse, go on in Scientology,” you will open the door to your own future. If you say otherwise, you slam tomorrow shut in your own face. I’m sorry, but that’s the way it really is. We are here to help you on the trail that leads up. If you fall off, we’ll try to help put you back on. But it is up to you. It is how you use it that counts. For you are the one that counts.

If you leave this room after seeing this film, and walk out, and never mention Scientology again, you are perfectly free to do so. It would be stupid, but you could do it. You can also dive off a bridge and blow your brains out, that is your choice. But if you don’t walk out that way, if you continue with Scientology, we will be very happy with you, and you will be very happy with you. You will have proven you are a friend of yours.”

Seriously. This video is serious. It seriously says that if you don’t mention Scientology after seeing the video, you’re stupid, and it’s the equivalent of blowing your brains out. (I am exempt, of course, because here I am mentioning it to you).

Anyway, I saw another article that mentioned that the bigwigs at Scientology headquarters are all happy because the number of searches in google and other search engines is way up ever since the Tom Cruise video leak. They genuinely believe that people are looking it up out of interest, and seem to be painfully unaware that people are looking it up to MOCK THEM.

I am more than creeped out by this whole religion. Look at this Leah Remini email and tell me that this “religion” isn’t totally wack. Apparently, in order to move up the Scientology ranks, one of the requirements is that you have to memorize more and more acronyms.

Brad And Angelina Would Like You To Know How In Love They Are

Published
by
Mockarena
on January 28, 2008
in Celebrity and Mockery
. 0 Comments

brangie_sag.jpg

Being sickeningly gorgeous and gag-aliciously affectionate with one another are Angelina Jolie and man-mate Brad Pitt at the SAG awards.  She’s wearing a tent, which you can’t really see in this photo because I chose to sicken you with their undying love for each other instead of showing you the dress, but let’s just say this - it did NOTHING to dispel the pregnant-with-twins rumor.

The French Have Terrible Taste in Music

Published
by
Mockarena
on January 27, 2008
in Britney, Celebrity, Mockery and News
. 0 Comments

BSPEARSCIGARETTE012408_hot.jpg

According to this website, Britney Spears’ album Blackout has won the International Album of the Year at the NRJ Awards, which is apparently the French version of the Grammys.

Which is just one more reason to dislike the French.

Helpful Hint From Mockarena

Published
by
Mockarena
on January 26, 2008
in TV and phooooooooooooot
. 1 Comment

Hey, here’s an idea. If you get crapped on by a bird, try to not look up right afterwords.

Report On Kinoki Foot Pads

Published
by
Mockarena
on January 26, 2008
in News and kinoki foot pads
. 0 Comments

Detox Foot Patches

Remember how I promised you that we’d be doing a Mockdock experiment on the Detox Foot Pads  a few weeks ago?  Well, my first report is this:

THEY STILL HAVEN’T FREAKING COME YET.

I was told after my order was confirmed that it would take 2-4 weeks for them to be shipped.  Monday marks 4 weeks, so if they don’t come Monday, I will be raising some serious hell with the Kinoki Customer Service people - I’ll be sure to tell them that my tens of readers are just as disappointed as I am.

Aww - It’s Carrot Top and His Mom!

Published
by
Mockarena
on January 25, 2008
in Celebrity, Eeeew, Freak and Mockery
. 0 Comments

jackiestallone-carrottop.jpg

Wouldn’t it make all sorts of sense that these two are related? Well, they’re not.  That’s Sylvester Stallone’s mom, in all of her natural and completely un-enhanced glory.

Do people who’ve had this much plastic surgery simply not see anymore?  Is that the reason that they keep getting more and more - because their faces have been pulled so tight that their vision is affected?  Because there really isn’t another good explanation.

Guess What He Got Arrested For

Published
by
Mockarena
on January 25, 2008
in News and phooooooooooooot
. 0 Comments

This dude has just been charged with manslaughter.  For killing his wife.  And not in your traditional handgun, poison, or beating kind of way.  Nope - this dude and his wife liked kinky sex, and during a particularly kinky session in which he attached clips to her nipples, plugged into a powercord and covered her mouth with electrical tape, she pretty much got jolted to death.

Have people learned nothing from Michael Hutchence?  It’s probably a good idea, when engaging in sex of any kind,  to stay away from things or practices that will most likely kill you.  Just another helpful hint from Mockarena. 

You’re welcome.

Battle of the Bods

Published
by
Mockarena
on January 25, 2008
in Mockery and TV
. 0 Comments

It’s here. The worst show you could ever dream up in your life has arrived. I couldn’t feel sorry for these skanks if you paid me a zillion skillion dollars. If you voluntarily go on a show called Battle of the Bods, you should officially give up any right to freely exist in this country. Seriously. Your rights as a human should be automatically revoked.

I want to bitch-slap #5 so bad I can barely contain myself.

Stars. They’re Just Like Us!

Published
by
Mockarena
on January 25, 2008
in Celebrity, Mockery and phooooooooooooot
. 1 Comment

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

I saw this photo of Carmen Electra at some spartan movie premiere, and was taken aback for a brief moment when I realized how similar our lives are.  Granted, my spartans generally wear yellow capes, but otherwise, this is literally like a moment in time of my life captured on film.

Adnan Needs Enhancing To Keep Up With Britney

Published
by
Mockarena
on January 25, 2008
in Britney, Celebrity and Mockery
. 0 Comments

 

Check out this site.  And scroll down to the 3rd dude whose picture shows up.  Yep - that there looks like Brit’s boytoy.  And he would like you to know that he has tried out basically every male enhancement drug available, as he’s part of the “test panel”.  Hee!

I’ve been creeped out by this creep’s creepiness on ET this week.  And I’ve been so annoyed that they won’t just say, “Look - if Britney wants her kids why is she doing f’ed up things like hanging out with you”?  But they won’t.  They’re being all professional with him, as if he’s some sort of expert on normal behavior.  I think maybe they just saw the fact that he’s a sex product test panelist, and were scared he might flash his weewee at them if they said something out of line.