Ok, week two people. Mockarena is getting her nails done while she gets her teeth brightened. Hopefully her nails will be red and teeth white, and not the other way around. Anywhoo, she has put me in charge of the official Idol Live Blog. I can’t tell you how nervous I am. Here goes nothin.
I know I’ve posted about them before. But you guys, seriously. How mismatched are they? And it’s like it just gets worse. It’s as if he sees my posts about how mismatched they are, and his response is to look MORE horrible the next time around. “I’ll show that Mockarena” he says. “She thinks I’m hideous now? Well, just wait.” And at the same time Brittany Murphy becomes hotter.
Some poor defenseless animal was killed to be worn around his neck, ostensibly to ENHANCE his appearance. I defy you to show me a better example of animal cruelty.
It’s one thing for Christina Aguilera to have implants and be breastfeeding, the combination of which results in the most hideously engorged bazongas ever. But does she need to have them on display like this? Do they not make sweaters in anything other than V-neck in celebrity stores?
Seriously. This is the best stand-up I have seen in a really long time. I think this guy is going to go places. Really. Before you watch this clip, do yourself a favor and go to the bathroom, don’t drink anything that might go up your nose, and mostly, just prepare to laugh your heads off. Enjoy.
Here it is. That horrible awful clip from The Moment of Truth in which the limits of awkwardness know no bounds. Observe, if you will, the demise of a marriage right before your very eyes.
Who are the jokers in the audience who APPLAUD at this?
God, I love karma.
Not content to have our souls die a slow death from The Simple Life, Paris is apparently starting a new reality show. One in which she is on the lookout for a new best friend. Which means that it’ll probably work like your typical vote-off show, which means that any loser can apply. Her reason for doing the show? Because she hopes to find “someone new and cool who she can trust”.
I think that we, all 19 of us mockdockers, should apply to be on this show. It can be the next mockdock experiment. I haven’t met you all in person, but I can, with nearly 100% certainty, guarantee that we are cool and trustworthy enough to be her new best friend. Don’t you think?
I’ll alert you as soon as instructions on how to apply are published.
If you are considering getting a butt implant, don’t.
You miiiiight want to reconsider wearing backless dresses when you’re suffering from a leprosy outbreak.
Although, to Jenna’s credit, this is the most covered I think she’s ever been in her entire life.
I know it’s mean, and that’s immensely out of character for me and all, but Tilda Swinton, oscar winner last night for best supporting actress, completely and genuinely creeps me out. And other than the obvious androgyny issue, what’s going on with that arm?
She’s like the female version of Powder. Who I loved so much that, when I saw that movie I sobbed like a baby when he turned into lightening. And I’m not even embarrassed to tell you that. That’s how much I loved him.
UPDATE: HOLY CRAP. Dame and I are completely mind-melded at this moment. LOOK at how we both did Tilda posts simultaneously. This is why we are friends.
Miranda from “Sex in the City” and Conan O’Brien? Continue reading ‘What do you get when you cross…’
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