The Mock Dock

Click through the jump to read about the performances tonight!

Michael Johns - Dream On:  I thought this was totally kick ass until he started shrieking at the end.  Which I know is part of the original Aerosmith.  But somehow when he did it, it was a teeny bit ridiculous.  But that was only until I saw Paula’s boobs.  When I saw the extent to which her boobs were smashed by her 12-sizes-too-small-dress, THEN I knew what ridiculous was.  And Michael Johns by comparison instantly became the best singer ever.

Syesha - I Believe:  I can’t stand this song, but I suppose she sang it pretty well.  I still think she’s great on stage and she’s super pretty, but I kind of had some yawns throughout this whole thing.

McDreadlocks - Somewhere Over The Rainbow:  I thought this was a totally cute kermit-the-frog kind of version of this song, except for the fact that it seemed like he kept repeating the same verse like 28 times.  I don’t understand the judges’ major lovefest over it.

Kristy McPerfect - Some Martina McBride Song:  No matter what she sings, she looks so incredibly awkward on stage.  And no matter what she sings, she sounds utterly mediocre.  Borrrrring.

David Cook - We Are Innocent:  I still love his voice, and his hair is a Major Improvement, but I think he would have done better to pick basically any other song on the planet other than this one.  I kind of hated it.  BUT, he totally seems like a rockstar still, and I will probably buy whatever CD he makes.

Carly McIrish - The Show Must Go On:  Meh.  I usually dig her, but tonight, I really don’t.  My husband just said she sounds tired, which is really sweet actually because he’s trying to give her some credit.  But this just wasn’t good.  And blaming it on seeing Simon’s face mid song was kinda lame. 

David Archuleta - Angels:  Are you kidding me?  David Pocket Archuleta dares to attempt a ROBBIE WILLIAMS SONG?  You know what I can say though - he did it better than Jessica Simpson.  And there were parts of this that were ok.  But if you’re going to cover Robbie Williams, the GOD OF MUSIC, you better bring your A Game.  And this was more like a B Minus Game.  To anyone who’s reading this - if you like this song, download Robbie Williams’ version.  PLEASE.  It will change your life.  That said, this was probably the 2nd best performance of the night next to Michael Johns.  Which isn’t really saying much given that this night was a total suckfest overall. 

Brooke White - You’ve Got A Friend:  So plain and ordinary and boring and forgettable.  And her hair looks like crap.  And does she have an underbite or what?  Whenever she gives that poor little puppy dog face when she looks all perplexed and pitiful and her chin sticks out, I kind of want to slap her.

This night utterly blew.