I know this comment is extremely late, but I’ve just discovered MockDock and cannot keep myself from reading the pages and pages of your archives. The company that I work for has lost a good three hours of my time on their dime. I hope I don’t get fired… but it seems worth it. Thanks MockDock!

Maybe another time…

And I did mean it as a compliment (I think) Mockdock without cringing after a Holmes post/comment is like… uh… Caipirinha without lime… (gotta get me a refil…)

Well good luck @ Chrysler

As I slowly ran my finger tips over its sheet metal, I could swear I could feel a slight quiver, a charge of excitement run through her door dings and rock chips. She was wet. (Though it had been raining all day as previously reported…”What color would you say this is?”) As my truck sat their, glistening and obviously anticipating my every touch, I knew that it was finally our time to be one.

And so it was to be… I took out my fob and pushed the unlock button, slowly, gently…and I pushed it again…and again…I then took my key and slowly laid just the tip of the key against the keyhole. (I learned today that I need to replace the batteries in the fob…2 C3016s).

With a knowing beep and a blinking of her lights, I knew it was okay to put the key in… with the full length of the shaft drawing tightly in the tumbler. Upon climbing in the warmth of the cab, I knew I was home…had found a place that only I was to know in that moment. There may have been others before…but right then, there was only me.

I turned my key again and felt her rev. I pushed gently on the accelerator and felt her charge with anticipation again and again and again. As my desire to come home was rising, I continued to press her pedal and make her moan as the oil and other fluids poured through her motor.

And then all at once I gazed in to her dashboard and we were one. All sensation was overthrown, sight was taken away and sound was stripped by the passion.

I had blown the engine. So, I had to walk home.

So I really don’t know much about cars at all…I wish I had more to say about this creep who finds his car bootylicious, desiring to make love to an auto…I think that is disgusting….

Anyway, gotta go try to meet someone..anyone…I am lonely….Does anyone have directions to the nearest Chrysler dealership?
Much love,
Holmes

Can’t say this ****tail of feelings (awe mixed with shock and bafflement–plus occasional disgust) that I feel for our dear Holmes is not only because of them universally famous awesomely developed calf muscles… (which by the way, whenever I hear mentioned, I picture a reversed version of Popeye)