Smokey Pants has been absent for awhile. Katherine has been working hard, smoking hard, and continuing to be annoying. She emerged today with her gal pals to shop, eat, smoke, and look hideous in this home-made sweater.
Monthly Archive for May, 2008Page 3 of 15
Bunny uncovered this gem of a photo yesterday. And Ernie, before you get all upset that Ashley Judd is being disparaged again, I want you to know that I’m fully aware that this is a photograph of her helping to show poor disadvantaged people the proper use of condoms. So technically, that means she’s being a humanitarian and selfless and all that.
But come on!!! This picture is priceless. It’s not often you come across a photo of Ashley Judd licking her lips and gleefully clasping her hands together right next to a huge dong.
LOVE. IT.
At some point you have to start wondering why Pam Anderson even bothers to wear clothes at all.
Hey - did I tell you guys that 90210 is returning to TV? And it’s got an all new pseudo-teenaged cast, but it also includes familiar folks like Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling. Which means that not only is Tori Spelling making a comeback to TV, but so is that completely bizarre cavern between her boobs.
Seriously you guys - what IS that? You see what I’m talking about, right? That valley at the top of her boobular area? It’s always completely freaked me out. It looked even weirder when she wasn’t pregnant and was so thin you could see her chestular bones in addition to the cavern. Now THAT was weird.
So Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson are the new Hollywood couple du jour. And you guys, I have no idea why but I am totally irritated by this. And I couldn’t care less about either of them, but something about seeing the two of them together enrages me.
But I’m telling you right now, if he manages to convince her to cut her kid’s hair, I will put aside my rage and give them the ole Mockarena Stamp Of Approval. Which I’m sure is a huge priority for both of them.
You know how there are some celebrities who can go without make-up and still look radiant and fresh-faced and at the very least presentable?
Jessica Biel is not one of them.
This picture makes me want to give Justin Timberlake a hug of appreciation for going out with the homely girl.
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This chick from the Progressive Auto Insurance commercials. I hate her voice. I hate her hair, her false eyelashes, and her stupid red lipstick. She is like a perkier, commercialized version of Amy Winehouse. If I see another one of these commercials, I will throw my remote at the TV. I never thought I would hope for the return of the cavemen. Ugh.
In what could be the greatest coup for OK Magazine EVER, Michael Lohan is going to do a weekly opinion column for them about Dina Lohan’s stupid new reality show. It’s so awesome, because he’s going to try and appear to be the logical sensible reasonable protective dad, by essentially calling Dina out for exploiting the kids, while he in turn gets paid to further exploit them by ripping on the show.
It’s brilliant!
Here’s his first column on Episode One (which was named, vomitoriously and gagaliciously, Mommy Will Fix It):
“Soooooo, you want a comment on the first episode of Living Lohan?
Well, let’s see… If I were to look at things from a wordly perspective, I would probably have a lot to say about exploitation, hypocrisy and even deception — and maybe at a later date, I might just do so.
For now, let’s just say I’m still trying to figure out if this show is about managing Ali’s career and being a “real” mother, or reading tabloids.
I’ve had a sneak peek at some future episodes and I will say that some of the people Dina surrounds the kids with still concerns me — again, I can address that when they appear on the show. I just hope Dina takes the high road — like a Lohan would — and rights these wrongs.
If this show is about the being a mother and a manager, the most important thing is to set a good example by instilling positive values, and doing what’s right for the kid’s sake. Not for our own!
I wish Ali, Cody and Dina the best on the show and pray that they get what they want out of it.”
I am starting to totally fall in love with the absurdity of this family. LOVE!
So every week, we here at the Mock Dock get a report which shows us essentially how many people are reading our site, and what sites are referring people to us, and what keywords people search on to reach us. It’s all quite fascinating really. And, as Holmes and Dame and Bunny and Gabone will attest, I’m kind of obsessed with it. It’s because I’m endlessly intrigued by what would compel the average everyday internet user to land here at the Mock Dock. Someday, when we have more than 32 readers, maybe we’ll even do a poll about how you all happened to find us. I’m really curious!
But here is what is sort of troubling. EVERY SINGLE WEEK, without fail, it turns out that somewhere in the neighborhood of 20-40 people end up here because they searched the internet for information on LICKING ARMPITS. I am not making this up. And the reason they end up here is because of this post. And this one. And this one, in which I actually make fun of the whole phenomenon.
So I feel kind of torn about this, because on one hand I’m grateful for the visits. You never know when an armpit licker might decide to drop in and become a regular frequenter of the Mock Dock. On the other hand, do I really want armpit lickers to be amongst our faithful viewers? I don’t know. I love my husband more than words can possibly describe, but even if he shaved his armpit bare, and applied Hacienda salsa to it, the best most delicious salsa ever created, I would still be uninterested in licking it.
Perhaps one of you armpit lickers out there could enlighten me on this ever-so-mysterious fetish of yours. You are welcome to comment anonymously. I just want to understand what could possibly be arousing about applying one’s tongue to someone else’s armpit.
Help a sister out.
p.s. I bet we get like 50 new readers out of this post. 
This is what it looks like when two completely strung out losers try to hug. How Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse are still even alive is beyond me.
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