According to reports (and likely to be confirmed on her stupid new reality show), Dina Lohan googles herself on a daily basis, in order to see what people all over the world wide web are saying about her and her daughters. Which brings me an IMMENSE amount of glee, because that could mean she might end up here at the Mock Dock in which case she will get to see me saying, “DINA LOHAN YOU ARE THE WORLD’S WORST EXCUSE FOR A MOTHER EVER.”
What’s totally ridiculous about Dina is that she insists that the purpose of her stupid new reality show is to “set the record straight” about what a normal family she has. Except that normal families don’t have moms who scour the internet looking for alleged sex tapes of their daughters. And normal families don’t allow their 14 year old daughters to look like total street ho’s. And normal families don’t exploit their daughters in order to achieve their own fame.
You’re a disaster, Dina Lohan. And you have chipmunk teeth and skanks for daughters. Happy googling!
This is a photo of Pedro Gonzalez, a dude who was just arrested for being totally inappropriate at work. Work being a hospital, at which his responsiblities included transporting patients from surgery recovery back to their standard rooms.
So in the course of performing this very function, Pedro must have decided that the patient who he was busy transporting looked really really good. So good, in fact, that after he got said patient all nice and situated in his hospital bed, he then started performing oral sex on him. This is while said patient was still all groggified from the surgery anesthesia. He was conscious enough, however, to realize that some RANDOM HOSPITAL WORKER was going down on him, and he himself called the cops to report this extra special recovery treatment.
This is Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s new house. It comes with its own forest, lake, vineyard, and MOAT. Which is something I find sorely lacking in the homes of all of my friends. Oh sure - I get the occasional lake and forest, but no one I know has a moat. I kind of feel like I would be more fulfilled in life overall if I had routine access to a moat.
In addition to those outdoor amenities, the home also boasts 35 bedrooms, which will be handy as Angelina continues to spill children out of her uterine area by the dozen.
Anyway - i suppose congratulations are in order for the best looking couple on the planet. So now they’re gorgeous, charitable, obscenely wealthy, AND they have a moat. I would hate on them, but on top of all that, they seem genuinely nice too. Jerks.
So without any excessive waiting or having to talk to a Life Hating Person or really any inconvenience whatsoever, my Sonic Scrubber arrived in the mail this morning, just in time for Saturday housecleaning.
And just look at this display of items above. All of these scrubber heads and fancy packaging for just $32. PLUS they included all the necessary batteries. Actual value is probably in the neighborhood of $2.67. But I still feel good about it.
So you see how there are like various different brush sizes and there’s a bathroom scrubber and a separate kitchen scrubber? Well, the bathroom and kitchen scrubber are identical, except for one is blue and one is black. And I don’t think you’ll get in any sort of trouble if you use the kitchen one on the bathroom or vice versa. Although, I guess I can’t say that for certain, as the day isn’t over yet and I suppose there is still time for some sort of Sonic Scrubber Security Person to come and inform me of my misuse of the product.
Anyway. I know I told you I’d include before and after pictures, but frankly I was too embarrassed to show you the goo and grime that had built up around my faucets. Let me just try to describe it by saying I’m nearly 100% positive that even germs and disgusting bacteria were so grossed out by it, that they chose alternate locations to multiply.
Anyway. The Sonic Scrubber, I’m happy to report, worked really well around my faucets. They have never been cleaner. But due to my utter lack of domesticity, I don’t even know where else to try the other brushes. I suppose I could clean my oven, but that sounds like an awful lot of work.
Final Verdict? I think this is a pretty good little product, if you’re creative enough to find dirt in a lot of small circular places. Probably not worth it if you just need to clean your faucets.
Any advice on other small circular things to clean would be appreciated, seeing as how I’m so hooked up with sonic scrubberocity.
This article says the dude pictured above has had sex with over 1000 cars. And I know what you’re thinking, “What’s the big deal about having sex in over 1000 cars?” Well, I tell you the big deal. The big deal is that he hasn’t had sex IN over 1000 cars. He’s had sex WITH over 1000 cars. And even as I type that, I have no idea what it really means.
He says, “I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love. Maybe I’m a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it’s just wonderful. I’m a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what’s in my heart and I have no desire to change. I’m not sick and I don’t want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference.”
Well, all that is fine and crazy, but I still don’t get how he actually has sex with them. I mean, does he just have sex AGAINST them or is there some sort of automotive cavity that he is actually penetrating here?
So one of the joys of living in Indianapolis is the mockers’ now annual trek to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway for Carb Day. Which is essentially a day to peoplewatch (and there is some racing related activity on the side). Anyway, this year, because there is not a SINGLE LOCAL METEOROLOGIST WHO HAS A FREAKING CLUE HOW TO PREDICT WEATHER, we ended up not going due to totally unforecasted all day rain. However, we remained together for much of the day, and saw, at Bob Evans’, this landbeast pictured above.
There was some debate about the color of her outfit. I say turquoise, but Holmes disagrees, calling it a variation of sky blue. What do you think? Or are you too thrown off, as we may have been, by the VISIBLE COTTAGE CHEESE that you can see THROUGH the stretch pants?
See the chick in the picture with Shania? That’s the woman with whom Shania’s husband apparently committed adultery, which is the reason for their impending divorce.
How do you go from Shania to that?
That’s like saying, “You know what - the lobster tail is nice and all, but I think I’ll just order the cheetos.”
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