I like to drink a lot…specifically - iced tea. I like tea. I order it with almost every meal. I like to stay hydrated. I think it comes from my days running the rails through the American southwest. We used to carry full-on oak railroad ties through the sandy desert, wrapped only in a sarape with flip-flops on our feet. This could take 20 hours out of the day with no breaks, we would have to start limiting our fluids. Dehydrate ourselves. I am still, on some level, terrified of being thirsty. It’s kind of annoying to my friends. Lots of bathroom trips. When my ex-wife was pregnant, she used to like going out in public with me (the only time, might I add). I made her less self-conscious about peeing so much.
When I eat at a restaurant, I usually go through 2-3 glasses of iced tea…often 4 or 5. It depends on the size of the glass. Cheesecake Factory has huge glasses of iced tea. It’s good tea, too. Mildly flavored with apricot. When you order tea at Cheesecake, they get a little nervous. “Uh, just so you know, our tea is a little different. It’s flavored with apricot.” I don’t know what happened. Some guy who hated apricots must have flipped out a few years back. “You SOB, you didn’t tell me it was apricot.” Maybe he died from an allergy to apricots. Maybe he sued the Cheesecake. Nevertheless, you practically have to sign a waiver when you get tea at Cheesecake. But it’s good.
Most places don’t fill your tea anymore…or they take their time doing it. They assume everyone wants 1 or 2 glasses. My grandma must have worked at the Cheesecake Factory. She always told me it was unhealthy to drink a lot with your meal. Sorry, Grams. I love you, but I need 2-5 glasses. I need at least 3 gulps worth sitting in the glass in order to take a bite. I know this makes me sound a wee bit crazy, but…. Maybe, when it comes to tea, I am. Its just that I hate when I have just swallowed some food and there is no tea to wash it down with. Panic sets in. Breakfast is especially tricky. I like omelettes. Eggs get cold quick. It becomes quite easy to get down to an insufficient level of tea which will all my eggs to go room temperature. I can’t take a bite because I have no tea, yet, while I am not taking a bite, my eggs are chilling down. Dilemma!
The root cause of this problem is the endangered species…busboys. Now, it’s the server’s job to fill tea. The problem is the server gets too busy and forgets. Some restaurants will tell you, “No. We’re a team. If one server is busy, another server should come around and fill your tea. Teamwork.” Okay, I have never worked in a restaurant. But I know so many people who have (and I saw the film “Waiting” starring Ryan Reynolds as a smug, self-important jackhole…he has trained his life for this role. Except for that “Pizza Place” show he was on with Traylor Howard…she is hot. As my friends will attest, I am way attracted to mousey, nerd-like brunettes…but man alive that Traylor Howard makes my pants tighten up like the cocoon around a Hulk-a-pillar right after someone pissed it off… anyway…I digress) and teamwork doesn’t work in a restaurant. Chances are my server, Randi (with a heart over the “I”), is sleeping with Bill the cook. Sandi, the other server, used to date Bill and will be damned if she is going to go around filling that little slut Randi’s empty iced tea glasses. Plus Randi never does her fair share of sidework and always gets the best section ’cause she’s also sleeping with Rob the manager.
This may sound a little conspiracy theory-esque , but I’m saying it anyway. Tea drinkers are discriminated against. There is always someone walking around filling coffee. I’m just putting that out there.
I love The Cracker Barrel. Good food. Locations all over the country. Great meatloaf. Great cornbread. A Books on Tape collection that rivals most public libraries in towns of 3,500 or less. The country store inside is a nice distraction. However, get this, Cracker Barrel has busboys, but they don’t fill tea. They only take away dishes. I’m sitting there with no tea and a couple of busboys are standing around talking to each other … not filling my tea. They see me. I see them. But they aren’t filling a damn thing. I can see them laughing. They’re probably saying, “Fathead overthere is lookin’ at us like we fill tea. Where the hell does he think he is? The Cheesecake Factory.” I actually called Cracker Barrel corporate and complained about the busboy/tea issue. They said the servers should have employed teamwork. They were nice about it though. They sent me a coupon for a free meal. It felt like they were handling me. They treated me like a bored crazy person. Can you believe that?
This weekend whilst off on a wee bit of R&R, it came to a head. Huddle House – Harrodsburg, KY. Good breakfast place. Great toast. It is the first day of a trip that I take every year to blow off some steam. Mid meal, I’m running low on tea. Things are especially critical because my omelette is getting really cold. (I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the omelette. Yes I realize the irony.) Anyways, my waitress is nowhere to be found. I don’t even really know who my waitress is. One girl took my order, another brought my food. I don’t like that. I need a single point of contact. I finally spot the girl who took my order. She is taking a picture of two ladies who are at the same resort to play the stupid game of golf that I am enjoying. The picture-taking process is not moving quickly. The waitress can’t work the camera. The ladies are having trouble getting into frame. Everyone is laughing hysterically about it. Meanwhile, I’m out of tea. Dagnabbit!! I curse the ladies and the waitress. Silently. Always silently. I finally get my tea. Too late. I already choked down a cold omelette.
My friends say I should just order two teas at the beginning of the meal. No way. I don’t want to be the freak who orders two teas. I’d rather be the irritated guy then the freak. It’s a fine line but there is a difference.
Le Peep has the answer. Le Peep is a chain of breakfast restaurants in Indy, Houston, Omaha and probably some other places. They bring a liter of extra tea. A backup tea…if you will!! Genius!! And I don’t feel like a freak because everybody gets the backup liter. Whether they ask for it or not. I guess someone could ask not to have the extra liter. That would be a serious freak.
I’ve always felt like Le Peep’s has great servers. McAlister’s does give you nearly a gallon in a cup, and always has someone walking around, so I give my kudos to them.
I’ll add to your list of peeves. I, too, am a tea addicts. I’m from NC, and sweet tea is considered the house wine of the south. I happen to love my sweet tea with lots of lemon, so I’m automatically ticked off when I ask for extra lemon and the waiter/ess either forgets or brings me one extra 1/4-inch-wide slice of lemon. My dream waiter/ess brings me a little bowl of lemon slices (I’m going to use at least three or four with the first glass), and when he/she comes by to refill, he/she also brings more lemon! When I find these rare, rare creatures I reward them with a good tip and specifically tell them that their attention to the tea/lemon thing is why they’re getting it. The slackers get a 5 percent tip (if any) and a note explaining that IF they had been attentive, they’d have got more money.
I have a niece who also has to have her beverage refilled multiple times in a meal. She affectionately calls herself the family “slurpo”.
I am my family’s version of the Iced Tea Freak. I am not happy unless I am constantly refilled–but please do not refill my tea without giving me more ice! I should add that to the pet peeves list. How can you call it iced tea when there are only 3 or 4 pieces of ice?!?
Holmes, as much as you like tea, you should be from the South. I have lived in the South for 30 years and I never drink tea—blasphemy!!
I spent a couple of years in the south and drank my fill of sweet tea then… I would love to move south and bask in the glory of the rolling hills and tea-laden streets again