I am driving myself crazy…(more of a putt, less of a drive) and not in a good way. It seems that I had a stroke recently and the part of my brain that controls the learned and repeated behavior of “drying myself off after a shower” has been irreparably damaged. It would appear that the neurons designed to help me get the fine, napped cloth of my cotton towel to effectively remove the water from my pasty, white Irish flesh have completely retired - packed up the Winnebago and headed for a Conway Twitty tribute show in Branson, MO.
For the past few weeks, I have been finding myself damp - nay soaking wet - like freshly drowned babbo whose inability to cover the vig forced his shylock to fit him for some concrete penny loafers. This isn’t a slight mist, appropo for a jaunty sea tale…no this is The Wet.
As I leave the shower, I am aware that I need to run the cotton-softness of my Egyptian blend towels over my alabaster flesh…and I do. But minutes later, I find that my entire back and underarms or hair and feet, or turntables and microphone are still completely dripping wet. There is no pattern. There is no rational, logical drying off schedule that keeps missing a stop in order to make-up time and get these day-travelers home. No, it is random and always in sets of body parts.
Except for one thing. No matter what I leave glistening with warm droplets of water, my beard is full of water. It is like a sea sponge filtering plankton and spewing its water waste minutes later…after I have put on my shirt. This sucks. I have no explanation. I simply have disdain, worry and mounting anxiety about my post-shower drying off sessions. UGH!
What is going on?
Absurdly yours,
Holmes
OK-I am not doubting that perhaps you are losing your mind. But are you using new towels? Believe it or not, I have had similiar experiences and it always seems to happen with new towels. It seems that I have to wash and dry them 4 million times(to where they almost feel like sandpaper) and then they work right. I don’t know-just a theory.
You might be using too much fabric softener. It makes them less absorbent. Trust me….;)
I second the fabric softener suggestion - don’t use it with towels. Also, not to state the obvious, but Indiana humidity…?
Did you have a blow to the head recently?
I third the fabric softener answer. Never in towels.
The chemicals released in dryer sheets coat the fibers preventing them from adsorbing. Kind of like scotchguarding. The also coat your lint filter in the dryer causing multiple problems. Really.
http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/d/dryer-sheets.htm
Well mlm…that is quite a personal question ….but…no…uh-uh…nope…wawawaaaaaaa
Or did you mean a trauma to my brain…. well to that…no…uh-uh… nope….
Glad to know your big head and your little one are in fine working order. Now cut down on the fabric softener.