Monthly Archive for June, 2008Page 2 of 20

New Bodybuilding Poses

Published
by
Mockarena
on June 29, 2008
in Eeeew, Freak and Mockery
. 12 Comments

I’m about as knowledgeable about bodybuilding as I am about molecular biology, which is to say not in the least bit knowledgeable, but something tells me that these are not standard competition poses.

What the hell has happened to these women’s faces?

I love how the one on the left is wearing dangly earrings, almost like a last ditch effort to appear somewhat feminine.  Or maybe that’s what these poses are about after all.  “LOOK!” the poses say.  “Behold!  We have pecs, I mean, breasts!! We are, indeed, women!”

If you are a person who finds this look attractive, please come forward and explain yourself.

I’m Not Saying I’m a Proponent of Plastic Surgery Or Anything…

Published
by
Mockarena
on June 29, 2008
in Celebrity and Mockery
. 13 Comments

…but yikes.

No reason Helen Hunt should look like this at only 45.

Is it just me, or does she look like one of those people who’s just always angry at something?  Maybe that’s what’s aged her so quickly.

Lesson:  Stop being pissed off, and you’ll look better.  I really believe this!

Didn’t See This Coming

Published
by
Mockarena
on June 29, 2008
in Celebrity and Mockery
. 10 Comments

According to this, Nicole Richie is coming out with a new book.  Now, of all of the millions of topics you might expect someone like Nicole Richie to make a book about, would you ever guess COOKING!?

Yes. She’s coming out with a book of her own personal recipes.  As if to suggest that she eats. 

Confession

Published
by
Mockarena
on June 28, 2008
in Celebrity
. 4 Comments

I’m about to tell you guys a secret which could potentially cause you to lose any and all respect you may have for me.

I accidentally totally love Captain and Tenille. I grew up listening to their songs, and I had their big giant record albums with their big giant pictures on them along with pictures of their big giant bulldogs. And I knew every single word to every single song, one of which is featured in the below video clip. I LOVED Muskrat Love. I distinctly recall, in fact, that I told my husband of my love for the Muskrat Love song the day we first met. AND HE STILL ASKED ME OUT. Apparently, I am THAT irresistible.

Anyway, imagine my joy at finding a live version of the Captain and his mushroom headed bride singing my favorite song. And the icing on the cake is that watching it is like what I imagine an acid trip must be like. They threw in super cool muskrat special effects. It’s awesome.

Enjoy the whirling and the twirling and the tango-ing.

Exhibit 476: An Example of Excess

Published
by
Mockarena
on June 28, 2008
in Eeeew, Mockery and phooooooooooooot
. 2 Comments

An alert and astute mockdocker sent us this photo earlier today. 

I’m like, TOTALLY grossed out by this.  Apparently, this is some holy hindu dude in India who has hair that is FIFTEEN AND A HALF FEET long.  So basically 3 me’s stacked on top of each other.  That is SICK AND WRONG.

It doesn’t even look like hair.  It looks like snakes.  Long skinny brown snakes.  How do you even go about caring for hair that looks like long skinny brown snakes?  Can you imagine the shower drain?

This Seems Like A Perfectly Reasonable Photo, Right?

Published
by
Mockarena
on June 28, 2008
in Eeeew, Mockery and phooooooooooooot
. 12 Comments

Happy friends on the beach, posing for a nice happy photo.

Yyyyyeah. Jump in to see the uncropped version. (TOTALLY NSFW). Continue reading ‘This Seems Like A Perfectly Reasonable Photo, Right?’

The Most Remarkable Jeans Ever

Published
by
Mockarena
on June 28, 2008
in Eeeew and Mockery
. 12 Comments

I can’t make out the brand name on these, because not only is it too blurry but it would also cause permanent eye damage to zoom in on this.  But the fact that this woman was able to find ANY jeans that would fit is like a divine miracle.

HOW does someone with this shape feel confident enough to wear a TANK TOP? 

Pictures like this make my day…

Published
by
Dame Aufschneider
on June 28, 2008
in I Hate Katherine Heigl
. 3 Comments

Nothing to report here. Just another gooberish picture of Ms. High-n-Mighty. A gift, if you will.

Look Who’s Pregnant

Published
by
Mockarena
on June 28, 2008
in American Idol, Celebrity and Mockery
. 0 Comments

That bouncy little Midnight Train to Georgia girl from American Idol - Paris Bennett.  You’ve got to read that article, because it’s obvious the writer of it is like Paris’ biggest fan ever.  You know how I know?  Because the second line of the article says that Paris WILL BE 20 when the baby arrives.  You know - to throw us all off of the fact that she’s a teenaged pregnant person.  Then, there’s a quote from Paris’ mom about how proud she is of “how Paris did it” because she herself was 16 when she got pregnant.  WAY TO GO, PARIS!

Paris’ mom isn’t spilling the beans about who the father is.

Not content to simply share the news, this writer made sure to highlight her personal, special, intimate relationship with the Bennett family by sharing this quote from Paris’ mom:

“We tend to stay out of the media. The only person we let know [personal] things is you.”

The Bennett family must not be aware of the fact that they were speaking to a NEWSPAPER COLUMNIST.

You Know Who I Not Only Hate But Am Convinced Is Actually The Devil?

Published
by
Mockarena
on June 28, 2008
in Celebrity and Mockery
. 8 Comments

Spencer Pratt.  You guys, I’m pretty sure that the word “douchebag” was invented specifically for the purpose of him.

So a few days ago, Mary Kate Olsen was on Letterman to promote some movie, and somehow the conversation turned to Spencer, because I guess they went to school together.  Anyway, Letterman obviously wanted MKO to spill the beans on Spencer, and MKO ended up saying that Spencer played soccer at her high school, and that he “did not have a good temper. He would walk off the field.”

In the big scheme of things, that’s really not that big of a slam, right?  I mean, it’s not a compliment, but it’s pretty tame as far as insults go.  At least, it’s tame compared to the insults I have in my head ALL THE TIME about Spencer Pratt.  Anyway, Spencer caught wind of this slight, and naturally sprinted on over to the closest US Magazine reporter he could find and said this:

“I don’t really get why she’d use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one’s going to see. She should probably focus more on not getting dressed in the dark than on me. I know I’ve made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman. I forgive her, though…She’s had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough.”

I’m not like some huge Mary Kate Olsen fan or anything, but I kind of hope that she uses her skabillions of dollars to hire someone to rip out all of Spencer’s fingernails, and then use them to scratch out his eyes, and then shove those eyeballs down his throat so that he can choke on them.

I might actually hate him more than Ashley Judd, which, as you all know, is saying something.

HATE.