As Mockarena and Mr. Mock enjoy the subtle nuances of Chicago’s Independence celebrations, Dame and Mr. Dame explore the protraction of young marriage curtailed by the establishment of the nuclear family, Bunny and Mr. Bunny seek the everlasting moments of truth that are housed in mother nature and Gabone and Mrs. Gabone shed grace on the fulcrum of balancing families, it falls to Holmes, alone as always, to provide you all with the celebrity BUZZ that you so seek at this site. I apologize now…
LEE GRIVAS died - I know I was shocked too. I didn’t even know he was alive…and now to deal with his death. Poor Christina Applegate. Holmes has broad shoulders and amazing calf muscles if you need someone to help you mourn. (And by mourn…I mean dry-hump on my futon)
MEGAN FOX is single - That’s right! Finally something to live for!!!! When will this erection go away? Hopefully within four hours.
VENUS WILLIAMS beats her sister - The Ladies’ Wimbledon Final was definitely not hot this year. I mean Sharapova lost early in the tourney and left us to watch sister-on-sister action. I don’t like sister-on-sister action anywhere…it’s just wrong.
EMINEM hates large cats - Some dude is suing Marshall Mathers for punching him in the bathroom at Cheetah’s. I didn’t even know that you could hit someone in the bathroom. I must have had mine removed during my circumcision. Aww, young love…so volatile. We wish you the best Eminem and Cheetah’s Bathroom boy. Tell us where you’re registered.
HOLMES CAYMEN hasn’t worn pants for 2 days - No news there…just think it is quite the feat. I haven’t had to put on pants in the last 2 days. God Bless freaking America…the land of opportunity! Guess where I have been keeping my phone.
By the way…if you aren’t listening to The Kings of Convenience…you should be. Not a new band by far…but truly a great one.
Don’t worry, Mockarena will be back soon. Just let yourself fall asleep and when you wake up, she will be back. Sweet dreams. I’ll be in the TV room eating ice cream and making out with my girlfriend…so you stay in your bed and get to sleep.
Absurdly yours,
Holmes
Sir, I’m new here and not familiar with your need for feedback, if any, but your comment about “mourning= dry humping on my futon” made me burst out laughing so hard, I scared the cats. Thank you.
Never call me sir…and I have no needs that feedback can fulfill…but it makes me happy to know you laughed…truly happy. I, as well as my colleagues, are glad you’re here and hope you will stay.
Your friend,
Holmes
Ah Holmes…your absurdity is absurdly absurd as always. Keeps me smiling, it does (and if you use absurd enough times in a row it becomes one of those words that seems, well, absurd).
You’re in the TV room making out with your girlfriend and you want me to stay in my room? That doesn’t sound like the Holmes we all know and love……
My girlfriend is sooo imaginary that anyone seeing this escapade would be downright embarrassing…now if you all want to come on out…well then…now we have a party….just don’t tell your folks…cuz we are going to finish off the Mint Choco-chip…