Comments on: Jessica Alba’s Kid

By: Mockarena

Mockarena — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 11:42:01 +0000

Melissa. You totally win. This was the best story ever!

By: Melissa

Melissa — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:50:57 +0000

My first crush was in the 2nd grade. It was this beautiful blond headed boy named Nick something or other. I sat behind him and things were going along swimmingly. He even choose me for his dodgeball team at recess. Then things turned to **** and I’ve never recovered. I had a small cold. I was sitting in class and felt the first tickle of what would come to be known as the day my world ended. I sneezed… it was a big one but I felt it coming and caught it in my sleeve. I was admiring the enormous amount of snot that I had just expelled when the sneaker sneeze came. This second sneeze came with no warning and is still to this day the biggest sneeze that I have ever heard of. I sneezed so hard my head flew back and then came forward so fast I hit my head on my desk. I thought my brain had flown out. I straightened up holding my bruised forehead while glancing around to see if anyone had noticed. That’s when I saw it. A glob of green and yellow gelatinous snot dripping down Nick’s perfect blonde head. He screamed this blood curdling sneeze that he’d been slimed. The romance was over. He called me booger face from then on. To this day I hold my sneezes in. I live in constant fear of an brain aneurysm but all past and present boyfriends are safe from being slimed.
Seriously scarred for life.

By: jimmysmitsfromtvslalaw

jimmysmitsfromtvslalaw — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 03:00:35 +0000

The miracle is not the birth of one child you knit-whit. Considering there are over 7 billion confirmed births walking the face of the earth at the moment, I believe that contradicts the definition of a miracle as a rare and supernatural event. The miracle will be if this broad can keep from getting a bigger head than she already has and stay married to raise this little “fraggle” in a two parent household. I know juggling a career that entails a whole three-months of work in a year without a nanny completely raising this child is out of the question.

By: crabbyal

crabbyal — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 19:46:17 +0000

When I was way too young, I snuck out to meet a boy-He wanted to do things….umm, yeah things. My stupid respose was “No because we are not even going out”. He says sure we are, and my next stupid response was “ok”. Anyway, back to school on Monday I told my friends we were “going out”, he denied it. I couldn’t tell anyone what we had done over the weekend or I would be considered a slut, so I was just totally frikkin’ embarrassed.

By: cobrien

cobrien — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 19:32:47 +0000

When I was 10 I sent a picture of myself in a plaid, madras bikini to Shawn Cassidy. I’ve always had a thing for older men.

By: sbarros

sbarros — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 19:05:50 +0000

Fraggles! Love them! I just bought 4 Fraggle videos at a yard sale for a quarter. Now if I only still owned a VHS player….

By: Holmes

Holmes — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 19:00:22 +0000

Okay…well then allow me to share my humiliating tale… I too was in my second year…as a merchant marine…We were off the Sierra Leonian coast awaiting orders to pick up containers full of poached elephant tusks when I saw her. Skin black as coal, purple-blue-black, radiating in the equatorial sun.

As I gazed over the bowlines, our eyes met. Here our souls rushed to one another and danced to beating drums and hoofbeat horns. As my fellow sailors and I disembarked, I strode proudly to the stern of the boat (I am an ass-man, mind you)…she awaited.

As we stood face-to-face, we had nothing to say… I looked her in her earthen eyes, I said, “Do you believe in destiny? The sun and moon are we. Apart and together working as one heartbeat.”

She smiled and replied, “Dink, click, click, foondow.” And pointed at me. As laughter broke from her plated lips, I heard the multitude of her friends, guffaws breaking from their ring-stretched necks and shaven heads. I ran. I saw a flock of seagulls.

After the containers were loaded, I asked a local boy who would be sailing back what, Dink, click, click foondow” meant. He looked at me with a gentle smirk and said, “Oh, you must have met Latingwe. She says that to all the men.”

So, I inquired again. “Dammit, Fugundoo, what did she say?”

He pointed, spit on my sandals, and giggled. “You smell like the underarm of a dead rhinocerous.”

So…yeah…stop being mean..all of you Latingwes and Fugundoos. Merchant marines have feelings too.

And Jessica Alba’s baby looks like a Fraggle. A Fraggle with a mom who needs to deliver a happy ending to me!

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:06:33 +0000

I know…. shallow shallow…..

*does it count if I earned a master’s degree as well?

By: Erinn

Erinn — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:05:54 +0000

My childhood crush (a big meenie) eventually weighed 300 pounds (no lie here) while I married a doctor myself and am a size 6.

Hehehe!!!!!!!

By: Wise

Wise — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:35:18 +0000

Oh man…tell me about it. There was this chick who would call up and have me do this ridiculous voice over the phone, even in public. She would make me do weird patriotic rants. It was awful.