So you are now looking at what is left of my right index finger. Sadly, on Saturday, I decided it would be a good idea to HURRY while I was cutting some cardstock with this:
Luckily, it was a brand new one, minus the rust you see here. Unluckily, though, this NEW knife had a nice new SHAAAAAAAAAAAAARP blade on it, which cut through my skin like cheese. I won’t bore you with the details, but as you can imagine, I screamed and said various words that made me sound like I was speaking in tongues.
Fast forward to four hours and three med-checks later. (One did not take my new insurance and one had a three hour wait). I was STILL bleeding and still in quite a bit of pain. As the doctor is three inches from my finger with a salve of some kind to cauterize my blood, he says non-chalantly, “Umm…this might sting a bit.” In translation, he said “ohh, you thought it hurt when you cut off your own flesh with a knife, wait till you feel THIS!” I have never wanted to punch a doctor worse than in this moment.
So, there you have my weekend. Painkillers and husbands that do the dishes rock. Then I got to work this morning. Forgetting that I need two good hands to type at the normal speed that I do, I can’t tell you how freaking frustrated that I am. I seriously need either a drink, or the good stuff that jerk of a doctor gave me. You can’t tell, but it has taken me 45 minutes to type this post.
I’m such an idiot.
Meanwhile, I have heard enough “once I cut my hand” stories to last me a lifetime. Why do people do that? I’m convinced that people are so self-obsessed that the only way they can relate to a real person is to talk about themselves. I hate that. Except of course when Holmes told me to suck it up, well, because his hand has been ON FIRE before. That jerk. He is always tryng to one-up me.
Hope it gets better soon Dame….
Uh… you’re probably aware that Aufschneider in German’s someone that boasts / brags / shows-off right?
(and “funny” enough the word “schneiden” means to cut–!!!)
So having this name you HAVE the RIGHT to tell your stories and they gotta be the best uh… worst!
And now I know why Holmes uses his awesomely developed calf muscles to hold buckets… his hands have been burnt off!!! Just to one-you-up!
Feel better soon, Dame! I won’t bore you with the tale of how I got the scar on my index finger, but I will say that I, too, know just how sharp that type of knife can be.
yes…i was aware of my name’s origin….not too reveal too much about me, but I have what one would call a very large, melon-sized head. Seriously….I can’t wear normal sized hats. I have to have XL hats from the men’s department. So, to finally dispell the rumors, I chose my MockDock identity to be Dame Aufschneider…which, with the help of Altavista Babblefish is German for Lady BigHead.
And now you know.
PS. I was super pround of this name until having dinner with a close friend visiting from Germany, and I told him how clever I was to pick this German name. To which he replied “Aufschneider? That really doesn’t mean that…its actually a regular sir name.”
Sigh.
Wow, now I like you even better! Not because of your finger stump but because I know imagine you walking around looking like Marvin from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy…
I bet you’re a really nervous person. Like the kind that chews their fingernails a lot.
Don’t feel too bad Dame, it could be worse, I just read this..
LEBANON, Ind. - A woman accidentally stabbed herself in the foot with a 3-foot-long sword while performing a Wiccan good luck ritual at a central Indiana cemetery.
No one you know is it?
Bob- No, but, living in Indy, I heard this story on the news. She totally took my glory, didn’t she?!?
For those of you non-Hoosiers, this chick was performing a Wiccan ceremony, meaning she was burning candles and incense in a cemetary, while STABBING THE GROUND WITH A LARGE SWORD. And you thought Saturday nights in the midwest were boring. So…as Bob said, she was rushed to the ER after she stabbed the sword through her foot.
By the way…an update…yesterday, while trying to shut my bedroom door behind me, I slammed my bandaged phalange IN THE DOOR! THis stupid gaytarded finger is getting on my nerves.
Yes. Gaytarded. A new word that offends no one. Spread it around.
Sorry Dame, but I’m still laughing about the woman who stabbed herself in the foot while performing a GOOD LUCK ceremony. You don’t get much unluckier than that.