The Mock Dock

This post goes out to all the women in MockDock world. Ladies, I know you all understand the trials and tribulations associated with being female – namely, those four or five days of every month when we “fall to the communists”, if you catch my drift. I’m talkin’ bout the curse. Periods. Menstruation. And since you’re all familiar with this crappy aspect of being a woman, you’re probably also familiar with its symptoms, to wit:
-Unprovoked bouts of rage punctuated by sudden spells of glee mixed with uncontrollable crying intermingled with a deep sense of peace which is broken by an overwhelming sense of annoyance and irritation, leading to further unprovoked bouts of rage
-Crying over commercials with sappy music
-Feeling completely disgusting
I’m sure you could list many others, but let me pause with that last one, about feeling disgusting – which really leads me to the point of this post. I was having a terrible time getting ready for work this morning. Makeup? Going on crooked and blotchy. Hair? Flat and lifeless and full of split ends. The topper was when I found myself sitting on the bedroom floor, surrounded by piles of fabric from the giant clothes bomb that had exploded around me (you know what I’m talking about – when you put on an article of clothing, look at yourself in the mirror, grunt and roll your eyes, let out a huge sigh of exasperation, then angrily rip the article off your body and throw it on the floor with the dozens of articles of clothing which you’ve already subjected to this process over the last 20 minutes). Anyway, there I sat, feeling enormously bloated and hideous and completely defeated. And at that moment, do you know what I suddenly thought of, and it made me feel a thousand times better? I thought of the lyrics to Sir Mix-A-Lot’s Baby Got Back. Specifically, this verse:

So Cosmo says you’re fat
Well I ain’t down with that!
‘Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin’
And I’m thinkin’ bout stickin’
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain’t it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sister, I can’t resist her
Red beans and rice didn’t miss her

Yes. The poignant words of Sir Mix-A-Lot have made me feel beautiful and happy again.

At least until my next bout of unprovoked rage takes over.

Thank you, Sir Mix-A-Lot. Thank you!