My two and a half year old has this habit of carrying like 27 things in his hands at all times. Is this typical with toddlers? Because he gets all frustrated, then, when he wants to reach for something else, and can’t figure out a way to do so because he is already holding 27 things.
Recently, he’s learned how to ask “why” as well as answer “why.” He uses the word “because” and everything, which I find completely adorable. Today, while he was running around with a half eaten apple in one hand and 3 assorted blocks in the crook of that arm, and carrying 2 race cars and a tennis ball with his other hand/arm, I decided to try and get inside that little head of his, to try and understand why he has this habit.
“Mini-mock,” I said, “Why are you carrying so many things?”
Mini-mock actually ROLLED HIS EYES at me as if I were a complete moron, and shook his head a little, almost as if to say, “You dear, dear woman. How can you possibly get through each day with that level of ignorance?”
What he ACTUALLY said, though, was this:
“Because, mommy, I have an eye.” He said this with all the graveness and seriousness he could muster, which was a LOT for a two and a half year old.
I happen to love the “the crazy stuff kids say” stories - so bring ‘em if ya got ‘em!!
When my daughter was two, he used to sing at the top of her lungs:
“Baa baa blacksheep haf you any wool?
Yester, yester free bags full
One for my bastard, one for my dame, one for the bastard who lives down the lane…”
She also used to say “bastard” instead of “faster”–which was horrifying to our fellow shoppers to hear the toddler in the grocery cart yell, “Bastard, Mommy! Bastard!” (I’m sure it was also completely absurd to them to then watch as I raced her down aisle after aisle, making motor and break noises, in response to her bastard call.)
My son knows darn good and well who his father is. But he went through a phase where we’d be out in public, like grocery shopping, and he’d point to any random adult male and say, “Daddy?” This was beyond embarrassing.
My niece, whose fashion sense has always made us wonder if somehow she is the product of a mad scientist’s secret experiments involving the cloning of Cher and Dolly Parton, was about three years old I took her with me to help buy neckties for my dad. Dad wanted “work safe” neckties, meaning nice, plain, blue ones. Upon hitting “TieLand,” as Miss Neon dubbed the tie section of the store, Miss Neon immediately gravitated towards the ties with the wild colors and designs. She proudly presented me with a crazy neon green and blue tie sporting a hot pink flamingo. I gently explained to her that that tie was a little too loud. She immediately pressed the tie to her ear, looked at me like I was the biggest moron on earth, and told me, “Nuh-uh. It’s not making any noise at all. Here - YOU listen!”
Geese. In my original post, I meant to say “SHE used to sing…” I can’t even blame it on wine. Typos and such are pet peeves of mine, so I apologize to those of you who also find them irritating.
I worked at a daycare with a very precocious, klutzy little boy. When I was in the middle of a remark about how klutzy this kid was to a co-worker, he managed to bonk his head on the bathroom sink! His reply was, “Miss Punky, I keep bonking my head, but my brain keeps on thinking!!!” I laughed until I cried, and I had to sit down before I peed myself. I have lots of these stories, but this one is one of my absolute favorites! By the way, this is the funniest website ever!
I remember how when my little brother was younger, he wouldn’t listen to me or my parents about staying close when in public places. My mom finally had to settle him down and tell him, “Honey, you never know who’s a bad guy and who’s a good guy.” He looked at her like she’d been born yesterday and said, “Sure you can!” He then got up, walked to this total random stranger and asked, “Are you a bad guy?”
more, more, these are great!
We were on an airplane with my daughter when she was about four. She started playing with some dolls on the tray table. She was pointing to different areas on the table, telling me about the imaginary land in which they lived. “Over here is their house, and here is the jungle, and over here is the ocean.” I pointed to the cup holder and asked, “And what’s over here?” She looked at me with pity and replied, “Oh, that’s where you put your drink.”
When my son was 3, we were taking a walk, and he and his little friend were lagging behind. I called out, “Boys! Pick up the pace!” and they both stopped and looked down. My son asked, “Where is it?”
When my son was 3, we were in the gift shop at The Alamo in San Antonio. If you’ve never been there, it is a stone building, thus there is nothing to buffer sound. After numerous threats about what would happen if he touched ONE. MORE. THING. I finally picked him up and put him on my hip. After about 10 seconds he yelled, loud as can be, “Would you put me down?! Your hurting my penis!” You could have heard a pin drop in that room as every head turned to look at us. I instantly put him down and we walked out as fast as we could.
I am a behavior therapist for autistic children, and last week I was standing in the office waiting room with a parent discussing her child’s session. The mom looked over and saw her son touching himself down below, which prompted her to ask if he had to use the restroom. He replied “Mom, just because my penis itches, doesn’t mean I have to go to the bathroom”. Hilarious, the other therapists were laughing about it all week.
When my oldest son was 5 or so, we were in an executive building and had to take the elevator to the 12th floor. We got in with quite a few people, several men in business suits and assorted others.
The elevator closes and we begin our assent and my son chooses this moment to ask me very loudly, “Mommy, what does jerking off mean?”
He apparently heard this in kindergarden which he had only been in for around a month I guess during recess… Needless to say I didn’t answer him and he asked me LOUDER! I know I turned a dozen shades of red and that was THE.LONGEST.RIDE.EVER! I’ve never been so embarrassed!!
When my niece was four, I took her to Best Buy with me and asked the salesman if a certain album was out yet. She looked at me and said, “they’re called CDs now.”
When my son was 7, we were sitting in the Dairy Queen drive through when he decided it was time to ask me a question. “Mom, do you ever french kiss Dad?” I was stunned and didn’t know what to say. Once I started breathing again, I asked “French kissing? What’s that?” He giggled and blushed and said “I can’t say it, but I’ll write it.” When he handed me the paper back, it said “Tung in mouth”. I just made a face and said “Ewww.” And he told me I was over 18 and I should really be doing it like that by now.
I was in the grocery store with my kids and husband. My son was in the second grade and would read anything he could see. He brings me a box of cereal and says, “Mom this is on sale. It’s cheap! You like cheap things mom. We shoulc buy it.”
Oh my, where to begin? Well, I think I posted on another topic about how my 4 yr. old son calls the crusty sleep in his eyes “tired rocks”.
When he was recently telling me that his former babysitter has TWO refrigerators, and I said, “That’s cool! I wish I could afford to have 2 refrigerators.”, he replied, “Well, that’s just the way it goes. It would be too expensive.”!
I was commenting to my husband about a crack we had in the wall that was near the floor and a few ants were coming in. I told him we needed to put some caulk in there, to seal it up. Well, he’s going through the gross-boy stage right now, where everything is about poop, booties, butt-holes, farts and boogers. He was saying how he would put poop in his mouth in order to shock us so we would say, “Ewwww, that’s gross!” Then he heard us talking about caulk. Guess what he said? “I would put caulk in my mouth!” My husband and I laughed for about 5 minutes straight!
I have many, many more, but can’t think of them right now. Maybe I’ll think of them and come back later…
Here’s another one of my favorites. Again, while working at daycare, I was outside with my three-year-old class. I was separating 2 of them for licking each other on the face, saying, “Eeewww, we don’t do that. Keep your little tongues in your mouths!” A little girl, who was a witnessing bystander proudly said to me, “I saw my mommy lick my daddy’s ear once!” I walked away cracking up, thanking God it wasn’t something else she saw mommy licking!
By the way - loved the elevator story!
When my eldest who is 15 was 3 and 4 she was very verbal and social….she MUST converse at all times…..on her 4th birthday, my parents came over for cake and ice cream…she had heard her dad and I talking earlier in the day and deemed the conversation worthy of repeating to my mother….it went like this…
Kate: Mimi?
Mimi: Yes darling?
Kate: Guess what?
Mimi: What darling?
Kate: Daddy has a pimple on his butt!
Mimi: Oh, my….well, at least he doesn’t have one on the end of his nose…..
Daddy: As a matter of fact I do!
I was pregnant with our second child at the time, and had stopped breathing from being bent over laughing! Still cracks me up!
Another time, when Kate was 3 or 4 we were in the line at the grocery store, it was very busy, and all the lines were open and full. She was sitting in the cart facing me, when all of a sudden she says loudly about the morbidly obese woman two lanes over, “MOMMY - WHY IS THAT LADY SO FAT?!?!?!?!”. My automatic response was to back hand her belly and say “ssshhhhh”…..well that doesn’t work with 3/4 year olds! She then yelled…”OOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!! WHY DID YOU HIT ME MOMMY?????”. There was no place to go, no place to hide..I glanced toward the fat lady and she was hanging her head, but every one else around us were jiggling from stifled laughter…I felt so bad….and horrified…it wasn’t funny until after I left the grocery store….
I was shopping with my 6 year old daughter last weekend. She wanted to help me pick out some clothes and kept asking me what number (size) I was. I picked up a shirt and she proceeded to announce “OH, MOM! YOU’RE A SIZE L!” I hung my head in shame.
When my niece was 2 she was standing in the kitchen, along with my mom, friend, and grandmother, and was holding a broom sweeping it back and forth.
My friend looked at her and asked her what she was doing with the broom. Her simple reply was “I’m just sweeping up the bullsh*t.”
We were all laughing too hard to correct her.