See that dude? He’s a total perv.
The Smoking Gun reports that Ronald Miller, age 56, was hanging out at home with his windows and doors wide open, when police drove by and noticed that anyone driving down the road could easily see him all exposed and naked and doing unspeakable things to himself. So they approached the house, and got close enough to see very clearly that Ronald was busying himself with putting a hefty bag covered claw hammer into his analular area. Yup! Riiiiiight in there. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, how might one go about inserting a claw hammer into one’s anus without proper lubrication?
Ronald, as it turns out, was waaaaay ahead of the game, and had lubed himself up nicely with MOTOR OIL.
The police walked right into his house and it wasn’t until they actually spoke to him that Ronald bothered to even acknowledge their presence. They informed him they’d arrest him for public indecency and cruelty to claw hammers. (Ok - maybe not the claw hammer part, but I certainly feel sorry for it…)
One of the cops happened to see a neighbor witnessing this whole thing and asked her questions about Ronald. She had the following observation to share:
“He’s not right.”
Nice detective work, neighbor. Very astute observation indeed. Was it the motor oil that gave it away?
I would love this story even more if the dude didn’t live just 2.5 hours away from here. <shudder>
I hope that hammer wasn’t on loan from a neighbor…
A CLAW hammer? This guy is nucking futs! I’m sure he could have found a more reasonable object. I mean how much does a cucumber cost these days?
I’d think that he’d have to use the claw part of the hammer as a handle to hold onto. Otherwise, even with ALL the motor oil in the state, a swimming pool of Vaseline and a cubic ton of KY jelly, he’d have done himself major damage.
Diana, I cracked up at your comment. When I read this article, my first thought was, “I will NEVER lend a hammer out ever, ever again.”
He had to have been hammered when he was doing this!!!
Maybe he had a REALLY deep itch somewhere in there…
Uncle Ron ! I’ve been looking for you. I want my hammer back.
On second thought, just shove it.
Maybe he swallowed a nail….
LMAO you guys have some great responses, made me giggle even after reading something that crazy/horrific. eeewww!