The Indiana State Fair. SO FUN. Where else but a fair can you ride rides, pet farm animals, watch baby chicks hatch, pay STUPID AMOUNTS OF MONEY on craptoys for your kid that they’ll play with for 45 seconds, and eat fried everything on a stick? Nowhere, that’s where.
The fair is kickass.
Another great thing about the fair is the people watching. You CANNOT find more mockable people anywhere. The fanny packs, the stretch pants, the guys in wife beaters eating giant turkey legs - it just doesn’t get any better than that. And then, there’s the “costumes.” Case in point:
I just….whaaaaa?
And, I present you with Exhibit #4662: People who should lay off the elephant ears:
The landbeast in white is partially blocking the view of who I believe is her mother, the landbeast in purple, aka Barney. You know those two are going to be fighting over that Rascal pretty soon.
We have many, many landbeasts in Louisiana. I say “we” like I was raised here; when, in fact, I’m just praying everyday for a new assignment. Somewhere with lederhosen.
That first woman, the one with all the metal around her waist…who told her she looked good when she left the house?
Landbeast is officially in my top 10 favorite words!
The neighborhood I’m moving to has that special breed of nocturne Landbeasts that unfortunately is only advised to observe from a safe distance…
As I was moving in some of my stuff yesterday, it was barely dark and there they came… some talking and gesticulating to themselves (or invisible friends–or foe), wearing colorful wigs, clothes with 4 totally different patterns… all they needed was a Zombie moaning sound effect.
Some years ago I moved from Ohio to Tennessee and I made the ill- advised decision to visit the East Tennessee State Fair. I thought I had seen atrocities at the Ohio State Fair, but in reality, I had no idea. Not ten feet inside the gate I encountered a the following: Landbeast with single digit total tooth count…in left hand, cigarette between fingers and holding an enormous pickle. Right hand, footlong dipdog, and trailing behind, landbeast-in-training carrying two drinks that if spilled would sweep normal children away, never to be seen again. The same hand pickle/cigarette combo still gives me willies to this day.
Mikey, that is hilarious! You just KNOW she’s gonna’ smoke while she eats….and sweats….
They also frequent Disneyworld…just try to rent a Rascal for someone who really needs it? You’ll wait on line forever waiting for the landbeasts to get theirs. Question: Why go to Disney where you KNOW there will be tons of walking?
Hey, hey, let’s not make fun of the toothular impaired! Just kidding! Last year, I had to have one of my front teeth removed. Let me tell you, there is nothing more humbling than looking in the mirror and seeing a hole in your mouth! I had to walk around like that for a month until the dentist made me a replacement!
This past fall, I was taking my son to school. I’m not a morning landbeast, so I was wearing sweats, and no tooth. Just dropping off my kid, minding my own business, going home directly. Guess who I run into? My ex-fiancee, who I haven’t seen in 12 years! We get to talking, and 10 minutes into a 30 minute conversation, I realize in horror, that I didn’t put in my tooth! I tried to cover by not opening my mouth as much, but I know he saw it! I don’t think I ever laughed so hard in my life when I got home! My family and husband haven’t let me live it down! What can I say, funny is funny!