I know there’s a lot going on in this picture, but what the hell is on her chestular area? Do you see that sort of white lesion-y thing? I realize the armpit hair is distracting, but see if you can tell what that is.
Also, is this a pregnant belly? Because Oh. My. God. if it is. Look at the belly buttonular area. Look at how it’s less of a belly button than it is a large crater. And are those stretch marks?
And the hair? Whaaaa? I can’t tell if it’s a mullet or if there are longer strands on top that are just sort of fuzzy.
I don’t know what it is, but I find this completely hilarious. You know Frasier just totally looked at Aretha’s boobs, and is wondering to himself, “How the hell does she not require additional seating for those things.”
Something about the two of them sitting next to each other is so ridiculous to me. What is that hat? And how many pounds of make-up are actually ON her?
So McCain has chosen Sarah Palin as his running mate. I don’t know enough about her yet to decide if I’m on board or mortified, except that she appears to have a huge aversion to normal kid names. Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow and Piper are the names of her children. I am not making this up. Those aren’t nicknames - those are their actual names. What the hell??
So McCain has either just completely screwed up, or he’s BRILLIANT. Too early to tell for me. I like a whole lot of stuff about her, but she’s even less experienced than Obama, who is like, totally pubescent politically. If she’s half as good at melodramatic speeches as Obama is though, McCain could have a real shot at winning this thing.
I have spent the last 10-ish years clean. I have however spent the last 34 years seeking a truly natural high. So many attempts, so many failures. That being said, my love of the simple chemistry given to the world by the late, great Dr. Albert Hoffman (possibly the greatest gift ever given to mankind outside of the whole garden thing) is sated each Sunday night for 12 minutes.
I give to you, yet another clip from the greatest show on television…
If you are not watching “Tim and Eric. Awesome Show. Great Job!”…then you are not living the life you were designed to live. Take it from Holmes.
Absurdly yours,
Holmes
So, remember how my life is completely changing (for the good) and Mr. A and I are completely changing careers, schedules, homes, etc.? Yeahhh…it’s a lot right now. Not to get too personal here on a snark-site, but seriously, I have cried/laughed/cry-laughed/craughed literally HUNDREDS of times this week. Just to give you an idea of the insanity this is my life right now, I am sitting in a van headed to Michigan on a planned family vaca, driving nine hours away from an existence that currently includes leasing two apartments simultaneously (as of yesterday), with new graduate school classes looming next Wednesday, with a husband who is now awaiting Firemen Academy and meeting a gaggle of new brothers next Tuesday. Meanwhile, we will be moving over the next two or three weeks to a different side of town we know nothing about while trying to start the process of applying for a first mortgage and finding a house.
Sighhhhhh…(I’m craughing again)…
So, as this vacation is needed and timely, it is hard to drop everything and run…well…drive.
Anywhoo…here is some snark to finish this post. The Aufschneider gang is headed to that little tip between the “Mich” and the “Igan” parts of the state above. There is a loooooooooooooooooong bridge that connects them and our family will be WALKING ACROSS it come Labor Day. It will be our third year at such event. And, as you know, large events mean only one thing. People to mock. Just look at what I found last year: see here. I will have camera in hand, and will have a full report.
If you’d like to hear Ashley Judd blather on about “her people” and her travels and who she gets to sit next to at the convention and the movie role she wants to steal from Julia Roberts and a little political stuff too, then by all means, check out the clip above. If you’d like to keep breakfast down, skip it.
I think I have officially added Joel McHale to my island list. And it’s not that he’s particularly attractive - it’s that he mocks. Provided that we were stranded on an island which got regular deliveries of US Weekly, I think we would have the best fun ever!
BEHOLD: Mocking the supremely mockable Spencer Pratt. You might have to turn the sound down though…because it’s Heidi’s song. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
People magazine is reporting that David Duchovny has checked himself into rehab to get treated for sex addiction. I’m going to assume that either this addiction extended beyond the confines of his marriage to Tea Leoni, or that she is utterly EXHAUSTED.
Anyone know exactly how someone gets treated for such a thing? Do they point them to the Mock Dock for landbeast photos? Do they show them pictures of their parents having relations of a sexual nature? I would be very interested in knowing more about the therapy methodologies employed.
An alert and astute mockdocker sent this to me today, and what I love about it SO MUCH is that it is the fact that whoever took this photo was prepared, in the middle of a line at a fast food restaurant, to capture this priceless moment on film. Thank you, whoever you are. I would TOTALLY HAVE DONE THE SAME EXACT THING. You really just never know when you might run into someone mockworthy enough to photograph. Best to be prepared.
I can’t begin to imagine what kind of view the cashier at this place had, but I’m willing to bet that said cashier felt an undeniable urge to bathe shortly after fulfilling this landbeast’s order.
I so love that the strappy things that you use to hang a dress such as this one, are so obviously hanging out. It’s as if they don’t want to be anywhere next to her skin, so they’ve made sort of an emergency exit and are hoping someone just yanks them right off of there.
I can’t even bring myself to comment on the boulder holder. That is an industrial strength bra right there, folks. Any guesses on what she’s about to order?
Hey, here’s an idea, Jennifer Lopez. If you want to avoid pitting out your outfit, and looking like you forgot your Secret Roll-On this morning, try not wearing sweater dress in August.
Just look at what I found last year: 
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