See that bridge? I walked across it. All 12,000 miles of it. Well, maybe just six or so. But, it FELT longer. Anywhoo…I am back to give a full report of the hilarity I saw while walking the big ole’ Mackinac Bridge.
Bridge walker #1: Mullety stashola with a fitting attire of jorts and a thick leather coat.
Bridge walkers #2 and #3: The most non-matching couple EVER. I seriously think they got dressed that morning in separate hemispheres of the Earth. Light and airy lemon-flavored ensemble accompanied by Flannel Mc Lumberjack. Both perfect outfits for a day of walking. (??)
Bridge Walker #4: This kid literally had a belt around his thighs to keep his pants securely UNDER his butt. Outfit completed by a dirty white tank top. Again, please remember that he walked over 5 miles like this. Why, I ask you, why?
And finally, Bridge Walker #5: Jorts? Check. Pink Tourist Tee-shirt? Check. Novelty hat, worn backwards for individuality? Check. Large walking stick with which to hike a paved road suspended in water? WHY?
And there you have it. Amazing really…just look at all the people I DIDN’T mock. 
What, no back-boobs this year?
I think one of my WORST PET PEEVES EVER is the wearing of pants well under the buttular area. It’s completely retarded, can’t possibly be comfortable, and it looks absurd. HATE.
I like the socks on Guy #1. They almost blend into his pasty legs. I can now mock pale people, as I have a fresh-from-Mexico tan, whereas before I was Pastey McMilkyskin.
The guy with the wifebeater is obviously holding up his pants. There’s nothing sexier than a guy who needs to hold his pants up while he walks.
Hey Mocarena,
The reason some men wear their pants hanging below their butts, is to let their brains breath!
Mockarena, I am with you!! I HATE the waistband-below-the-cheeks thing! I actually did an article a couple years ago on high school dress codes, and listened to guys whine and complain because the school forbade them from showing off their boxers and wearing the waistbands below the waist.
I asked the girls if they thought this look was appealing. Answer: Unanimously NO! Additional comments from the girls: “Gross,” “stupid,” “nasty,” and “ridiculous.”
I asked the guys if they thought girls thought it was appealing. Surprising answer: They didn’t care what the girls thought. They wear the baggy-draggy drawers to see who can go the baggiest/lowest without actually dropping trou. If that means wearing the waistbands across the tops of their thighs with a belt to hold them up, and taking little teeny, weeny Morticia Addams-style steps, they think that’s cool.
The only people who actually like the baggy-draggy drawers are the cops, who tell me that it is dead easy to catch a baggy-draggy guy in a foot-chase. All the cops have to do is lope along behind ‘em and wait for those drawers to slide down, then go scrape ‘em up after they do a face-first dive into the ground.
If I tried to walk accross that bridge, someone would have to pry me off a railing or the pavement or something. I have serious vertigo, and bridges and any kind of tall hill are like an invitation to my brain to take a vacation and make the world go all whirly. Just curious…exactly how TALL is the mullet man? He looks to be 7 feet tall.
Mock-don’t ever visit the high school where I teach…the stupid sagging pants will be all you see. YUCK.
Every time I see the slouchy pants, I have this urge to just walk up behind and FFOOMP! Pants the idiot, just to see the reaction! It takes ALL of my self-control to contain myself.
I was expecting to see a 300-400 pound woman with a large bag of Doritos on a Rascal.
I’m still at a loss as to why all of Michigan says, “Let’s go walk a bridge today!” and they all go do this at the same time. Why?
There is a lady at my office who is wearing those same shorts in the first picture. This is a “lady” who wears clingy tops with NO bra. She thinks she doesn’t need one…she needs one.