The Mock Dock

Yeah.  Of all the products that Britney Spears could choose to develop her own line for, couldn’t she have chosen something she’s actually GOOD at using?  I would sooner buy a Britney-authored book on how to pass the bar than I would buy her line of hair extensions.

Again.  Behold:

It’s snowing outside, Pariah.  Put your cleavage away for God’s sake.

Donatella Versace.  And I would just like to suggest that women over, say, 55, should just remove their fake boobs.  It looks totally freaky to have perky young boobs and have every other part of your body be all sag-city.

Because it’s Christmas eve, I’m going to spare you the visual on the front page and put it after the jump. That way you can’t blame me for seeing it later.  It’ll be ALL YOUR FAULT.

Continue reading ‘You Know Who Should Never Wear A Bikini Ever?’

Yeah.  According to “scientists,” Christmas lights are bad for the planet because of the huge electricity waste.  Further, each and every tiny bulb that you have lit in your house, on your tree, on your house, etc. is increasing emissions of greenhouse gases.

Can I just tell you how over all this nonsense I am?  I mean, I was over it even before Al Gore opened his big cavernous idiotic mouth, but I’m even more over it now.  I love that the comments posted after the article linked above, by a vast majority, are totally making fun of this whole idea.  Clearly, I am not alone in my absolute disdain for Al Gore and the rest of the overzealous and misguided green extremists.  Perhaps Al Gore can start a company whereby I can buy Christmas Light Credits to offset the amount of energy my current Christmas Lights use.  Jerk.

You know what this makes me feel like doing?  This:

This is what I want my house to look like.  I must go alert Mr. Mock at once.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this photo, asking “Why, oh Why?”

The answer is simple, my friend.  Because he CAN.

Yup!  Lance Armstrong has successfully impregnated someone; namely, his girlfriend Anna Hansen.  They are due in June.

I used to be a Lance fan. A Fance, if you will.  But not since he decided to come out of retirement. 

Hate.

All the documentaries on TLC and the Discovery Channel, about people who either have the misfortune of having some sort of crazy disease/disorder or who have overcome some sort of insurmountable difficulty. I LOVE those shows. The freakier the better.

I remember when Mr. Mock and I watched the one about the Hensel twins – those girls who share a body? You know them, right?

Anyway, I remember when they first came on the screen, and they were riding  a bike, and it completely freaked me out to the point where I had to tell Mr. Mock to just put the show on pause so I could compose myself.  It was just so jarring to see what looked like a two-headed girl on a bike.  Crazy.

So the other night, we watched a show on primordial dwarves – the kind of dwarves that are just impossibly tiny.  And mostly they featured children (although they did talk to one dwarf who was 43 and had the two biggest front teeth I have ever seen in my whole life).  And one of the kids was a 16 year old girl who was 16 pounds and not even 2 1/2 feet tall.  SO INSANE.  And invariably, after I watch these shows, I always have this heightened interest (albeit temporary) in whatever disorder has affected these people.  So I did a youtube search on primordial dwarves.  And you know what I found?

This. A video of a two-foot PREGNANT woman, whose boyfriend is well over 6 feet tall. And she doesn’t appear to have legs – just feet that sort of come out of her torso-ular area. The visual of this woman becoming impregnated is HAUNTING me, you guys. I can’t stop thinking about it. Sooooo many questions.

Enjoy.

…you were wrong.  She had her $200,000 Bentley colored pink. 

There is clearly no other reason to do this EXCEPT to get attention.  Which, if you think about it, is like the most desperate plea for attention ever, short of walking naked everywhere.  On her hands.  With Britney Spears.

Nope – actually I think the Bentley is more desperate.

HATE.

You know who Paris should take lessons from?  Victoria Beckham.  Victoria Beckham is completely outrageous, yet she carries herself in such a manner that suggests she doesn’t believe she’s outrageous AT ALL.  Which makes her totally outrageously awesome.

Watch and learn, Paris.  Watch and learn.

She still looks bad.

Stay tuned for further updates.

…all the photos that are spreading around the internet of Amy Winehouse frolicking around topless in St Lucia are not nearly as frightening as one might have expected, given that just a couple months ago, she looked like this:

I would even go so far as to say that she has nice boobs.  She’s put on some weight, and she’s without all that ridiculous eye make-up, and all in all I would say it’s a huge improvement.  She doesn’t look like she’s on the verge of death or anything!  It’s actually a pretty remarkable turnaround, which I would guess is, at least in part, due to the source of the wristbands she’s sporting in the semi-NSFW pic I’ve put after the jump.

Go on!  See for yourself!  Continue reading ‘All Things Considered…’