The Mock Dock

I mean, there’s not many people who can convert Silly Putty into a skirt and then actually get it on.

Do you think she squeaks when she walks?

I totally already wanted to see this movie, but this completely clinches it. I had even talked Mr. Mock into going to it with me, and he was on board mostly because he loves me and not really because he wanted to see it, but I bet after seeing THIS, he will actually WANT to see it.

LOVE.

A tramp stamp.  Wow.  How innovative.

Apologies if you have a tramp stamp, but they’ve gotten about as cliche as guys who get the barbed wire-style tattoos around their biceps.  Apologies if you’re one of those guys.

I don’t understand her shoes.  Are they shoes with blankets on them or are they some sort of strange new boot style?  Anyone?

Our favorite friend Ashley has caused quite a stir in internet-land with that ridiculous little quote of hers from the other day.

People over at this site hate her too.

And looky over here!

And here!

I  especially like this one!

Anyway, she’s gaining new haters daily, it seems.  It’s like we’re becoming a gang now.  We should think about getting a secret handshake and some jackets.

Except that it’s gross and creepy instead of sweet and animated.

Does it say anything specific about me that the FIRST thing I noticed in this photo was the chocolate cake?

Gene Simmons is icky looking and all, but I loved him on the few episodes of his reality show that I saw.  He just seemed like such the long-suffering husband and he was hilarious and ridiculous and I just really liked him.

Carrot Top, on the other hand, is a freak of nature who is so filled with steroids I’m not even sure you can classify him as human anymore.

Why do you need gloves when you don’t have sleeves?  I think it’s a question for the ages, really.

A couple of you alert and astute mockdockers have alerted me that Ashlee Simpson posted an entry on her myspace page today in defense of her sister.  Most of it is all high horsey, and she calls out FOX NEWS specifically for reporting that Jessica gained weight, which was lame considering pretty much every media outlet did the same, but what was most striking was one of the last sentences, which said:

“How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size two figure?”

You know, I was on board, even after the Fox News thing, with some of her points.  Until I reached that line, at which point I was like, “Girl, please.  Jessica’s as much a size two as Jennifer Love Hewitt was when SHE said she was a size two. ”   What is it about a size two that celebrities who gain weight insist on throwing it out as their “fat” size?  If she’s a size two NOW, what was she when she was gyrating all over a car wash in that video where she butchered “These Boots Are Made For Walking?”   Because as much as I hate when she butchers other people’s songs , I’m the first to admit her body was AMAZING in that video.  So does that mean she was a negative size?

…you watched this scene of Melrose Place? Because I VIVIDLY remember that I was having a Melrose Watching party, as I did every week back in that day, and all 8? 10? of us had like a TOTAL MELTDOWN when we watched this scene. I won’t ever forget it. It was like one giant intake of air, with all of us slapping a hand over our mouths in horror, and then an eruption of hysterical giggling.

Anyway, saw this posted elsewhere and couldn’t resist putting it up here. Did you guys have Melrose rituals? And if you were too young to have a Melrose ritual, don’t rub it in.

…but alert mockdocker Bob sent it to me and it made me bawl and I don’t care if you’ve already seen it. You should watch it again if only to watch Simon Cowell visibly go from being a total prick to a complete softie within a matter of 60 seconds. I love him. And I love the chick judge who cries at basically every performance that anyone ever does on that show ever. And I love that the other judge’s name is Piers. That’d be a good butler name. I wonder if he has plaid pants?

Anyway, this little girl is precious and angelic and she makes me want to keep Mini-mock little forever.

I have had FOUR SEPARATE REQUESTS today from alert and astute mockdockers who want me to comment on the most recent Ashley Judd quote at the recent 40th birthday luncheon for NARAL Pro-Choice America, held this past Tuesday.  Ashley mc’d the event, and a slideshow was presented depicting George Bush and other pro-life politicians (while the audience booed and hissed at it like 2nd graders).  After the slide show, Ashley exclaimed, “It’s so nice to live in America again.”  As if, you know, she hasn’t been until now.

Now then.  I’m not going to get all political in this post, because it makes absolutely no difference whether you’re conservative or liberal or independent or whatever – but it is NEVER OK to diss your country like that just because you haven’t been happy with the last administration.  Ashley hasn’t minded living in the America where Americans paid to see her stupid movies over the last eight years.   The article that you fine mockdockers linked me to said it best when they said, “She loves her country.  As long as a Democrat is in the White House.”  LOVE that quote.

HATE Ashley.  HATE.