Seeing this picture of what is clearly a mother monkey doing Baby ‘N Me Yoga, reminded me of how much I miss doing yoga myself. I can no longer do it, because I have the dumbest affliction ever – an ulnar impaction.
And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking – “Mock – that isn’t even a real affliction. You are just making that up to get out of yoga.” But it really is real! Basically it means that my ulna is a few millimeters too long, which results in all sorts of damage to the surrounding cartilage whenever I bear weight on my wrists. Which, if you have ever done a downward dog, you realize happens a lot in yoga.
I discovered this wrist issue when I started inexplicably having pain in it several years ago. At that time, when I was first diagnosed, I was given a huge full-arm splint to wear to heal my wrist. Henceforth I was known as RoboCop by people at work (thanks to Bunny). But when the splinting didn’t work, I got a cortisone shot.
Here’s the thing about cortisone shots in your wrist that doctors neglect to tell you. After about 45 minutes when the numbing medication wears off? It’s sheer AGONY. Some people (and naturally I fall into this category) experience crystallization of the cortisone, which can be extremely painful for several days. It’s actually way worse than the original pain you’re trying to treat. BUT, the upside is that after the excruciating cortisone shot pain wears off, you’re pretty much golden.
Happily, I seem to need one of those shots only once every 3 years or so. But I am not allowed to do things that would cause undue stress on my wrist, and so therefore I can’t do yoga. I hate this.
The only way to fix an ulnar impaction is surgery – which is super invasive and bone-cutting and not at all fun. I was actually scheduled to get it, but then my surgeon ended up talking me out of it, saying, “If the shots work for you, and you only have pain when you bear weight on your wrists, then how about you just don’t bear weight on your wrists?” And I said, “But what about yoga?” and he said, “Being able to do yoga seems like a pretty lame reason to do a major surgery, particularly when I would recommend you not bear weight on your wrists after surgery either.”
So there you have it. I can’t do yoga, because one of my stupid ulnas decided to be too long. Leave it to me to have misbehaving ulnas.
Anyone out there have a weirder affliction than uneven ulnas? Let’s share.
You can try Iyengar yoga – you rarely do a downward dog. It’s mostly arm/leg/core strengthening without all that mat work. I enjoy it so much becaue I’m heavier than Gwynneth Paltrow and downward dogs are difficult for me. You may want to also check out the Wii Fit – it’s mostly standing yoga poses. You get the benefit of yoga without all the mat work.
You know you have a good surgeon when he talks you out of surgery instead of performing it! In all my years of being in health care, I have never heard of an ulnar impaction!
I am going to be 36 in a couple of weeks, and I have serious arthritis in my right foot. Why, do yo ask? I was a moron and got into a car accident. I stomped on the brake so hard to stop, that I cracked or broke most of the bones in my foot, including my heel. I also did major tendon and ligament damage. There wasn’t anything the ortho guys could do, except put a lovely frankenboot on me for 12 weeks, with another 12 weeks of physical therapy. The part that really sucks? I’m not a desk job kinda gal. I love having a physical job, where I’m constantly on the move. A desk job is certainly in the future when the pain gets so bad I can’t be on my feet for very long at a clip, which is what the ortho guys told me. They also told me I was lucky I didn’t break my femur, which is what usually happens in my kind of accident. Exercise like running, or even walking sometimes is too painful, so ironically, Mock, I’ve turned to yoga! Pilates are great, too! Both are low to no impact, and are fabulous for you. I’m sorry you had to give up your favorite exercise, Mock! What a bummer. Oh, there’s this yoga show on cable out here in PA, called Inhale. The guy that runs the show is a freak of nature! You should see how he contorts himself! I cringe sometimes! Check it out if you have the chance – it’s definitely mock-worthy!
I don’t have this disorder, but it is weird…wandering spleen.
that sucks i totally feel for you though i live in hawaii and i have lupus which SUCKS!!!!!!!!! because i can’t go out in to the sun without wearing a million layers of sunscreen which means i cant go sunbathing and get a kickbutt tan which is something i totally want to do because i love the sun. Most people come back from hawaii an million shades darker i’ll come back a few shades lighter
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This doesn’t affect my yoga (or lack thereof), but my ears are uneven, so after wearing new glasses for a month or two, they always end up bent. However, when I wear new, straight glasses, they look crooked on my face.
Mock, some yoga instructors (and mine would be one of these), will specifically design a set for you based on limitations that you have.
You might have to pay $100 to have them do this, but it usually includes several private classes and the knowledge that you aren’t going to hurt yourself.
No odd afflictions here, really… The strangest thing I can think of that exists in my family (and I have the early symptoms for) is horrible arthritis… The kind that causes spurs to grow in your feet/ankles/back. But, with that comes an amazing pain threshold… So, hopefully I won’t be too affected.
I was in a bike accident and hit the road with my chin. I tweaked a nerve and for the longest time when I ate or was hungry instead of salivating, my nose would run. Weird, but true. It never afected my yoga though, just a few dates.
Thankfully, it finally stopped.
Rachel, my ears are just a little uneven too and my glasses were always crooked. I got “lay-zor” surgery over a year ago and now the only glasses that get bent are the cheap sunglasses I buy from Target.
My “affliction” is so annoying. I have an extra vertebra in my spine. Down towards the bottom. So I have a super boney tailbone. It’s not like in Shallow Hal, with the guy that had a tail. But when I do situps (which I have to do, being in the military), I can’t just come straight up and down. I have to kind of tweak my body so I’m on one cheek or the other. I tried to just go straight up and down in Basic Training, and my skin was all bruised and angry over my tailbone.
During PT in the mornings we do this ab excercise where we balance on our butts, and with our knees bent, feet off the ground and ankles crossed, we rotate our torsos so our crossed arms go elbow to knee. It’s supposed to work the obliques, but all it does is make my tailbone pissed off. Try as I might, I cannot do these.
I too have an extra vertebrae in my lower back that isn’t seated normally and if not careful will pinch my sciatic nerve and make my leg ache.
What really bugs me is that I am allergic to sourdough bread…..the day after eating sourdough my mouth feels as if I have been chewing on razor blades. Sourdough hides in croutons and pretels, which are in ice cream and other good stuff…..last Monday I ate one small crouton and later than night a free preztel crisp at the grocery. My mouth still feels like razors had a field day on the roof of my mouth….and sourdough typically isn’t listed as an ingredient in anything…
that would be “pretzel”….yikes.
I have a pinky toe that does not bend, I guess there’s no joint in it. And my right pinky finger bends out at a 45degree angle from the first knuckle, which is genetic (mom & sisters too).
My right foot permanently sticks outward when I walk. I’ve done a lot of bad stuff to my leg over the years like spraining my ankle multiple and stuff. Never broke it, but the muscles aren’t quite right. I finally sprained my leg and had to wear a brace for three weeks. The upside: I got out of P.E. during that time!
anonymous – Mr. Mock’s pinkies do that too! Only they curve in, not out, and it’s both that are affected. I love his crazy pinkies!!
Mine curve in also… I was unaware that was unusual.
Nancy, the extra bone kind of tweaks my tailbone a little so my sciatic nerve went NUTS when I was pregnant.
Your other affliction reminded me that everytime I eat Cap’n Crunch, I feel like I’ve been eating light bulbs. Seriously. Who eats that crap? It just tears my mouth to shreds.
Poor jessy! She has to wear white out to the beach! Seriously though, lupus does suck.
This isn’t exactly an ailment, but every female on my mom’s side of the family (from my grandmother down) developed endometriosis (I think that’s how you spell that) at the age of 30, and had to have full hysterectomies. So, I’m very likely to get this and have to have one, too at the age of 30.
And since I’ll be in college of some sort until I’m at least 26 (I’m going into vet school), that gives me around four years to get a job, buy a house, get married if I’m not already, and have kids.
Talk about inconvenient.
I had to give up yoga recently, too, due to a recent complicated, physical discovery. It totally bums me out – but I’ve lost my stretchy-ness. :[
try pilates!! my mom teaches it and she gets pretty crazy with that ball thingy. shes mid forties and in way better shape than im in. i’d actually kill for her ass!!
do tai chi… it’s totally yoga without wrists