The Mock Dock

Another great omegle chat last night, you guys.  And I wasn’t sure how it would turn out, given that after the “hi- how are you’s” were exchanged he immediately sent a naked photo of himself.  Yeah – he was one of those guys.  But it turned out to be like a 45 minute chat about everything from skydiving to politics.  And naturally I got in a plug about both my sites.

If he chooses to comment here or at www.chicksontheright.com, he will be known as “The Naked Guy” for obvious reasons.

If you’re interested in the conversation, it’s posted after the jump, with the actual photo links removed as well as anything else too incriminating (email addresses, etc).  But this just goes to show you that as long as you don’t freak out about initially being flashed a stranger’s penis, you can actually have a nice chat. 

Stranger: Hey

Stranger: =]

You:

Stranger: How are you?

You: I’m well, and you?

Stranger: I’m well too

You: excellent

Stranger: Very cool

Stranger: Where ya from?

Stranger: England?

You: Indiana

Stranger: Sweet

Stranger: (naked photo)<– That’s me

You: but like, everyone on here seems to be from england

Stranger: Hahaha yeah

Stranger: I’m American

You: that’s you, huh?

Stranger: Yeah

You: where are you from?

Stranger: North Carolina

You: so, is it standard practice for you to share naked pics of yourself within the first 2 seconds of a conversation with a stranger?

Stranger: Yeah, mostly

You: and what is the typical reaction when you do that?

Stranger: Well

Stranger: Either disgust, interest, or some combination of the two

You: what do you HOPE will be the reaction?

Stranger: (pic of a girl’s boobs) <– this

You: Nice.

Stranger: Yeah

Stranger: You a dude?

You: No.

You: So like, if a girl then sends you a pic of her boobs, then what?

Stranger: I beat off, usually

Stranger: And consider my day a success

You: But why come here to do that? Why not just look at porn?

You: I’m fascinated by this.

Stranger: Pornography is so staged.

You: surely there’s natural looking porn out there

Stranger: The girls are fake, the tits are fake…I can’t suspend disbelief

Stranger: Yeah, but it’s still fake

You: so it’s the interaction that you’re looking for?

Stranger: Not particularly

Stranger: The knowledge of absolute authenticity

You: Oh. Well, that’s honest.

You: this is a learning moment for me

Stranger: There’s always this sense of an artificial fourth wall in porn. I just can’t build it.

You:

You: Well, I’m terribly sorry to disappoint, but I don’t have random naked pics of me readily available to share.

You:

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: It’s okay

Stranger: Are you even female?

You: yes

You: I am

Stranger: Well

You: BUT I’m like, really old

Stranger: Do you have a digital camera?

You: I’m probably in “cougar” territory even

Stranger: I’m actually attracted to cougars =)

You: really – and what age do you think an attractive cougar can max out at?

Stranger: Honestly?

You: sure

Stranger: 50

You: wow

You: Even I think that’s old

Stranger: Well

Stranger: I’ve seen some 50-year-olds that I’m quite attracted to

Stranger: Pamela Anderson

You: well, that’s refreshing.

You: pam anderson looks totally used up

Stranger: Yeah

You: and she’s not anywhere close to 50

Stranger: I shouldn’t have said that

Stranger: Tilda Swinton

You: GET OUT

Stranger: She’s 48

You: but she looks like the dude from the movie Powder

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: In the Narnia movies I found her oddly attractive

You: wow – I never would have put Pam Anderson and Tilda Swinton in the same category

Stranger: I don’t

Stranger: I shouldn’t have said P.A>

Stranger: I’m really not attracted to her at all

You: how old are you?

Stranger: 22

You: and do you have a relationship with a woman right now?

Stranger: Not at the moment

Stranger: If I did I’d be railing her

You: why don’t you?

Stranger: Well, my last relationship was rather harsh

You: harsh how

Stranger: Didn’t end well

Stranger: At all

Stranger: With a lot of hurt feelings

Stranger: When I’m in a relationship I tend to get too emotionally attached. I’m not needy–somewhat the opposite–but I do kinda fall easily.

You: nothing wrong with that unless you’re a cling-on

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: I’m not a cling-on

You: so who messed up?

Stranger: I ended it, and I’m glad I ended it.

Stranger: But it was still difficult…I guess that doesn’t make sense, but it’s true.

You: how long was it?

You: the relationship

Stranger: 8 months

You: so when you’re not omegling and sending naked pics of yourself to strangers, what are you doing? Like – in life?

Stranger: Well

Stranger: I’m a skydiver

You: get out

Stranger: That’s really my true passion

Stranger: Yep

You: for real?

Stranger: Yes

You: you jump out of the sky

Stranger: I jump a Triathlon 160

You: how many times have you done that?

Stranger: with a Mirage M4 container

Stranger: I’m just a beginner…22 jumps so far

You: I have no idea what you just said – but I’m sure that’s really cool.

Stranger: I’m a fan of rock climbing

You: you have jumped out of the sky TWENTY TWO TIMES????

You: that is insane

Stranger: Haha

Stranger: It’s really not much

Stranger: I jump with a guy with about 10,000 jumps

You: wow

Stranger: He was a pro for a while

You: wait

You: you can make money jumping out of the sky?

Stranger: IS a pro, I guess–he’s an instructor

Stranger: Yes you can

Stranger: Being an instructor

Stranger: and exhibition jumps

You: I had no idea

You: What do you do for work?

Stranger: Software engineer

Stranger: Typical, I know

You: do you like it?

Stranger: I do

Stranger: I’ve always been a logical person

You: You sound quite logical

Stranger: And that’s really perfect for software engineering

You: you’re like spock. Only naked.

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: I like Star Trek as well

Stranger: Though I’m more of a TNG guy

You: I’m almost embarrassed that I know what that stands for

Stranger: Actually I’ve been watching some of the original episodes lately. Really enjoyed them.

You: so do people use omegle to actually develop relationships ever, do you think?

Stranger: Hahaha, nah

Stranger: Well

You: or do you think they just like the 15 minute intro

Stranger: I’m sure it’s happened

You: and that’s it

You: like – how crazy would it be if some married couple was like, “We met on omegle!”

Stranger: I talk to one person on ICQ that I’ve met on Omegle

Stranger: I don’t ALWAYS send my dick to people

Stranger: It’s half-trolling

You: How do you choose who you’re going to send it to?

Stranger: Coin flip.

Stranger: Haha, not really

You: Ah. So I just got lucky then.

Stranger: I don’t know. Whenever I feel like it, I guess

You: Well, you’ll be pleased to know that yours is the first dick I’ve been shown on omegle.

You: So I guess my omegle cherry has been broken

Stranger: Well I feel honored.

Stranger: Exactly….I’m now the owner of your omegle-dick-virginity

Stranger: So

Stranger: How old are you?

You: 39

Stranger: Nice

You: for real too – like I’m not just saying 39

You: you know – like women will do in their 40′s when they WANT to be 39

You: BUT I am turning 40 in 19 days

Stranger: Hahaha I believe you. You’re much more intelligent than the average Omegle’r…that usually comes from maturity.

Stranger: Aaaah

Stranger: There are lots of cute 40-year-olds

You: Well, happily I don’t feel 39, nor do I think I look it

You: At least, I hear this a lot

Stranger: Very cool

Stranger: I’d like to see ya.

You: Well, I’m all private and a total goober about stuff like that though

Stranger: I won’t share =)

Stranger: You can blur your eyes out

You: I wouldn’t even know HOW to show you

Stranger: Hahaha just upload to Tinypic

Stranger: either that or email it to me

You: EXCEPT, if you were extra resourceful, I could tell you the name of my blog, and lumped in there in a few different places is pics/video of me

You: from when I was on 20/20

Stranger: Aaaah really?

You: I promise

Stranger: Your last name isn’t Sawyer, is it?

You: I did a story on kinoki foot pads – because they’re so retarded

You: and 20/20 was doing a story on them

You: and so they asked me to contribute video

You: and my video blog CLOSED OUT THE SEGMENT

You: I kid you not

You: no – last name isn’t sawyer

You: Just go to www.themockdock.com

Stranger: hahaha okay

You: and click on the picture of john stossel

You: and that will take you to the youtube clip

You: and if you wait for like the last 20 seconds, that’s me

Stranger: Mockerena?

You: (when I close out the segment)

You: yup!

You: that’s me

Stranger: Awesome

You: You should visit my site all the time and comment, and use the name “Naked Guy” as your nickname

You: and then I will know it’s you

Stranger: Holy hell

Stranger: You’re very cute

You: I’m not bad

You:

You: you already saw it that fast???

Stranger: Yes I did

Stranger: Fast-forwarded

You: so see – I don’t look 39

You: right?

Stranger: Not at all

Stranger: When was that taken?

You: last april

Stranger: Wow

Stranger: You should send me something more risque.

You: I don’t have anything more risque, because I’m a sweet pure and chaste girl

You:

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: Aaaah, you’re beautiful, but I think this angel might have a demon’s horns under her halo ;-

Stranger:

You: well, you might be right about that, but I AM married, you see, so only my husband gets to see the horns.

Stranger: Aaaaaaaaah, unlucky for me.

Stranger: Lucky for him, though. Very lucky.

You: now see – that’s just silly, because you yourself said that no one here actually gets into relationships

You: it’s just chatter!!

Stranger: Hahaha, I’m not after a relationship

You: I didn’t figure you were, seeing as how I was introduced to your penis in the first 5 seconds of this conversation.

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: Yeah

Stranger: That is generally one of those red flags

Stranger: …really in any situation

You: You know what I like to do when I get on omegle? I like to see how many Actual Conversations I can have with people

You: and this one is only the 2nd one ever

Stranger: You mean you don’t consider a Chinese guy saying “asl” then disconnecting to be an actual conversation?

You: well, I take that back – this one is probably the 4th

You: but 2nd longest

You: HA

You: what is UP with that?

You: the chinese and their ASL’s?

Stranger: I have no idea.

Stranger: I hate the phrase “ASL” with the fury of a thousand suns.

You: I had to ask someone what it meant

Stranger: It’s rude and impersonal.

You: and then they told me and became irritated that I asked

Stranger: Then again, I send my dick to people.

You: HA HA HA!!!!

You: you’re funny

Stranger: Haha, you too. I’ve been browsing your site.

You: oh good!

Stranger: LDLs play a very vital role in brain function, by the way

Stranger: Not exactly sure what….

You: LDL’s?

Stranger: A type of cholesterol, I believe

You: where is that coming from?

Stranger: That’s why the cholestorol on that cow brain so so high

You: OHHHHHHHHH
right

You: I forgot about the pork brain entry

Stranger: Haha

Stranger: Pork, that’s right

You: you’ll notice I’m not a fan of Ashley Judd

Stranger: Ashley Judd has fans?

You: HA

You: I knew I liked you for a reason

Stranger: If I meet someone who has something more than the intelligence of a rock, I pretty much assume that Ashley Judd/Lindsay Lohan/Paris Hilton/<insert spoiled drug whore here> fandom is out the window.

You: That’s probably a pretty good system

Stranger: It’s yet to fail

Stranger: So what do you do for a living, Mockerena?

You: I work in Human Resources

Stranger: Oh God

You: what?

You: is that bad?

Stranger: Haha…as an engineer, HR departments are second on the list of “most hated entities at work”

You: OMG I know

You: but I am like the most unusual HR person ever

Stranger: You’re just below Marketing

Stranger: I work at an HR company, actually and our HR department is just awful

Stranger: What’s your company’s core business?

You: consulting

Stranger: Software?

You: nope – management

Stranger: Aaaah, very cool

Stranger: So the type of people who use the words “synergy” and “workflow priorities”

You: TOTALLY

You: omg

You: laughing so hard right now

You: and they say, “let’s make that presentation sexier”

Stranger: (Management is #3 on the list)

Stranger: So I’m curious

Stranger: Who do you guys use for background checking?

You: You know what? i have no idea – that’s not my area

Stranger: Workplace screening, onboarding, that sort of thing.

Stranger: Aaah, I see

You: I mostly deal with recruiting and benefits

Stranger: Shit, I meant employee screening

Stranger: Aaaaah I see

Stranger: I was trying to throw a sales pitch to you

You: I could tell.

Stranger: I usually begin sales pitches with pictures of genitalia.

You: first time ever that a software engineer has tried to sell something to me by showing their penis

You:

You: you’re hilarious

Stranger: I guess you haven’t met many software engineers

Stranger: Also I agree–what the hell was up with Gwyneth’s legs on Conan?

You: OMG – the shine – it was BLINDING

Stranger: It looked like she had a condom stretched over them or something

You: I can’t believe she didn’t slide off the couch

Stranger: I was thinking she was wearing platic panty-hose

Stranger: Hahaha exactly

Stranger: Do you like Conan’s performance on the Tonight Show?

You: You know what? I haven’t seen it yet. How lame am I?

You: And I love him

Stranger: It’s on Hulu

Stranger: hulu.com

Stranger: For free

Stranger: You know about Hulu, right?

You: Yip. Hey – since you’re a young 20-something, does that mean that you’re one of those obama-loving liberals?

Stranger: Hmm.

Stranger: I’m a person who thinks about his political beliefs and chooses what he feels is best. Currently, those do lie left of center.

You: ok – well crap, I was going to tell you about my other site – but you’ll probably hate it

Stranger: Hahaha

You: BUT, there are pics of me on there too because I just met our governor and kissed him on the cheek

You: with my friend who cowrites the site with me

Stranger: The bailouts are really bothering me.

You: HATE the bailouts

You: don’t even get me started

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: I’d love to see the site

You: chicksontheright.com

Stranger: I hate hippies

You: Yeah

Stranger: And I hate people who think Obama’s a rock star

You: ME TOO

Stranger: Because it makes other liberals look stupid

You: You sound like a very reasonable left of center person

You: and you should TOTALLY comment there too

Stranger: However…I also hate right-wingers who cling to their bibles and tell me what I can and can’t do in my bedroom

You: yeah – I’m not one of those

You: I’m a total religious mutt

Stranger: Libertarian?

You: My mom’s catholic and my dad’s jewish

You: so I’m nothing

You:

You: I lean libertarian, yes

Stranger: Nice

You: but consider myself conservative

You: in most way

You: s

Stranger: I’m cool with libertarianism

Stranger: It’s the social conservatism that gets

Stranger: me

Stranger: gets me

You: yeah – I tend to be more moderate on social issues, and waaaay to the right on fiscal issues

Stranger: I think it’s sad we have a 2-party system

Stranger: We need a 4-party system at minimum

You: probably so

Stranger: We have a socially liberal, economically conservative (in the true, European sense of the word) party (Dems), and a socially conservative, economically liberal (in the true…yeah, you get the message) party (Repubs), but no strong party that’s wholly liberal or wholly conservateive

You: yeah – there are a whole lot of shades of gray in there

Stranger: Damn…Republican women, especially older ones, are so cute.

You: Yeah – my friend is hot too.

Stranger: You have Sarah Palin, we have….Hillary.

You: and we have megyn kelly – and she is just STUPID hot

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: And Ann Coulter…I want to punch her in her cunt nose, but we could have some AMAZING angry sex right after.

You: If I were into women, Megyn would be my number one pick

You: HA!!

You: Ann is just too mean for me

You: I love reading her stuff, but hate hearing her in interviews

Stranger: More than anything, I value civil discourse

 

You: then you should DEFINITELY comment on chicksontheright.com

Stranger: And Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Moore, and Al Franken really violate that principle

You: that’s what we’re all about

Stranger: Very cool

Stranger: I’ll visit

Stranger: Do you know if it’s Websensed?

You: we had some total canadian psychopath write in yesterday

You: what’s websensed?

Stranger: Aaah…nevermind

You: no – tell!

Stranger: Blocked by internet filtering software

Stranger: So I can visit at work

You: oh – I can’t imagine that it is

Stranger: That’s when I do a lot of my catching up on blogs

You: I’m sure you can see it

Stranger: Very cool

You: So – if you do decide to comment on either blog, what name will you use so I know it’s you?

Stranger: The Naked Guy

You: PERFECT

You: YAY!

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: I’m an environmentalist, but the kind that fucking hates the word “environmentalist” and hates Greenpeace

Stranger: I’m STRONGLY pro-genetically modified foods

Stranger: and STRONGLY pro-nuclear

You: OMG – have you seen the youtube video of the people crying over trees?

Stranger: Hahaha

You: it’s hysterical

Stranger: Oh god

Stranger: Those people aren’t environmentalists

Stranger: I consider myself an environmentalist because I look back at what science says actually words

Stranger: works*

Stranger: That does include capping greenhouse gas emissions (I do believe in a free-market system for that) but also includes nuclear power

You: I love those tree crying people. Anytime I’m remotely upset about anything, I watch that.

Stranger: Nuclear’s green energy. Nobody realizes that

You: But cap and trade? Total farce.

Stranger: How would you suggest we implement a rational system of emissions capping?

You: I have absolutely no idea.

You:

Stranger: Here’s the reason I like cap-and-trade….green energy HAS to be made financially viable, or nobody will use it

Stranger: That’s the basis of capitalism, really

Stranger: Cap-and-trade allows some industries that HAVE to pollute to continue polluting…however, provides economic encouragement to cut their emissions

Stranger: Plus, it gives us a means to regulate the total amount of pollutant in the countr

Stranger: country

You: but it’s not encouragement so much as it is penalties

You: and it directly affects the consumers

You: by increasing energy costs by a whole bunch

You: so it’s disingenuous when Obama says he’s cutting taxes for 95% of people

You: when our power bills are about to skyrocket

Stranger: I don’t know if they’ll skyrocket…and “disingenuous” is the name of the political game

Stranger: The fact is we have to cut these emissions somehow

You: see – this is why I love my governor so much. He’d never be disingenuous.

Stranger: And yeah, I believe it’s going to affect the end user. There’s really no way around that

You: He’s positvely precious

Stranger: You’d love our governor (I lied about being from Georgia or wherever…I’m really from SC)

Stranger: Good ol’ Mark Sanford

You: I think you said NC

Stranger: Aaaah

Stranger: Well

Stranger: I lied

You: I love Sanford

Stranger: When you’re naked, it’s best to be discreet about your location

You: HA

You: did you ever think you’d get on omegle tonight, flash your penis, and then end up talking politics?

Stranger: Anyway…I guess I’m the opposite he’s priming himself for a political run at the expense of SC schools

Stranger: I did not

Stranger: But on the other hand

You: this is precisely why I love omegle

Stranger: Did you think you’d get on omegle tonight, GET flashed, and then end up talking politics?

You: exactly

You: LOVE

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: Anyway

Stranger: the state of Carolina schools is just disastrous

You: Somehow, I feel like I got the better end of the deal.

Stranger: Hahaha, yeah…at least I got that Finnish girl earlier, so I’m satisfied for today

You: there you go

Stranger: Anyway, SC schools are in a really horrible state

Stranger: Broken ceilings, broken windows, no air conditioning

You: yikes!

Stranger: And Sanford’s rejecting money that would go directly to helping out these people

Stranger: If he wants to position himself to run for national political office, that’s fine. But he’s doing it at the expense of the South Carolina people.

You: well, that’s no good

You: I don’t know much about that

You: so can’t really comment

Stranger: Also…we’re going to pay federal taxes just like you are. Why should we have to PAY for the bailout money, but not GET any?

You: well, just think though – whatever programs that money goes towards – it’s finite

You: and then everyone’s taxes will go up to maintain the programs which just got the boost

You: on a state level

You: so you’re at least being spared that

Stranger: We need to be spending more money in this state

Stranger: We need to have a working educational system

Stranger: That’s the reason SC is so poor–we don’t have an adequately educated workforce, so advanced industry is not willing to come.

You: you should go into politics in your state!

Stranger: They brag about creating 10,000 jobs, but that’s linking girders in a steel plant. Great, you created 9,000 jobs at 6.50 per hour. Hope you’re proud. We need REAL jobs.

Stranger: I would die in politics

Stranger: because

You: I don’t really know how companies make decisions on where to start their businesses – but I would think that the education of the local folks isn’t a PRIMARY decision factor

Stranger: it’s where they can get the best talent at the lowest price for multinationals.

You: because companies (like ours for example) will bring people in from all over the country

Stranger: Sure. It’s a hell of a lot easier to get people to move to Indianapolis than  SC though

You: really??? I would think just the opposite

You: The carolinas are beautiful

Stranger: Near the beach, yeah…it gets kinda old.

Stranger: I want to move to Arizona.

You: why don’t you?

Stranger: Well, the IT job market’s a bit cutthroat due to the recession.

You: ah

Stranger: I’m in a pretty good place financially at the moment.

You: AZ weather is like IDEAL for me

Stranger: Definitely

You: love love love dry and super hot

Stranger: I’m a huge fan of rock climging

Stranger: climbing*

Stranger: And AZ’s pretty much mecca for that.

You: I would think it is

Stranger: Skydiving, too–Eloy, AZ has one of the best DZs in the world

You: I cannot get over the fact that you’ve jumped out of the sky

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: It’s addictive

You: I am totally afraid of heights

Stranger: Y’know…at 14,000 feet, you can’t even tell how high you are.

You: but you can tell you’re HIGH

Stranger: Hahaha, true.

Stranger: You don’t “feel” it though.

You: and that would flip. me. the freak. out.

Stranger: Until about 3,000 feet…at 3k, you begin to notice ground rush

You: eeeeeeeeeeeeek

Stranger: You should try it!

You: seriously, I would pee and vomit all at the same time

Stranger: Try a tandem

Stranger: Haha…one dude I know vomited and passed out in freefall

You: the other person in the tandem would have pee and vomit all over them

You: omg

You: that would so be me

Stranger: He’s lucky, he was jumping with an instructor in the AFF program

You: holy crap

Stranger: Also, when you jump, you use what’s called an AAD

Stranger: Automatic Activation Device

You: I know my husband would love to do it

Stranger: It opens your reserve canopy automatically at a certain height

You: he’s talked about it

You: but I refuse to even let him entertain the idea for as long as he’s married to me. Because I would freak.

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: You’re more likely to die driving 800 miles than skydiving

You: but then again, this is a guy who also wants to run with the bulls in spain

Stranger: and tandem fatalities are even rarer than that

You: which is the singlemost stupid thing anyone could ever do ever

Stranger: Oooh yeah

Stranger: Hahaha

You: you know what word I love? Monkey. There is no funner word to say than Monkey.

You: except maybe spackle

Stranger: Hahaha

You: and tabernacle

Stranger: Tabernacle is a great one

You: isn’t it??

Stranger: Can’t argue with that

You: Well, my naked friend, this has seriously been one of the best omegle conversations ever. Like, I think there should be some way to submit it to Omegle for a “best conversation” prize or something. But I’m tired, because I’m almost 40, so I probably am going to go to bed.

Stranger: Hahaha

Stranger: Alright, Mockerena.

You: write me at mockarena@themockdock.com

Stranger: Sleep well!

You: if you so desire

Stranger: I’ll check out your blog, too

You: great!

Stranger: (email address) <– the email for me

You: I am making a note of it

You: g’night!

Stranger: Sleep tight!

You have disconnected.