The Mock Dock

Here’s a helpful hint if you’re trying to save money, or even if you’re simply trying to avoid spending money.

Never ever ever ever ever shop with Daisy.

Daisy is like the worst possible person to take shopping with you if you are trying to avoid buying something.  Let me tell you about our lunch hour.

We went to Marshall’s, because she wanted to find a couple of tops.  I wanted to look for a pair of simple tan flats that would replace the ones I’ve worn for the past 4 years and which are currently being held together (barely) with just a few remaining threads of leather.  And while she looked for tops, I scoured the shoe aisles, with absolutely no luck finding a good replacement pair.  And then it happened.

I heard the voices of angels, and a light shone onto the most perfect shoes I have ever seen.  In the clearance aisle, no less.

But here’s the thing.  These shoes were not replacement shoes.  These shoes were shoes that were absolutely unnecessary.  They were gorgeous, dark brown, 4 inch closed-heeled sandals which I couldn’t have needed any less.  I mean, I HAVE dark brown leather sandals already.  And they’re sandals I can actually walk in.  The shoes in Marshall’s were higher than anything else I’ve worn ever.  But they were SPEAKING TO ME.  Along with a chorus of angels.  Conducted by Robbie Williams.  Naked.  (KIDDING – just want to make sure Mr. Mock is reading this and not skimming).

So I put them on, and hobbled my way over to where Daisy was, and I said, “LOOK at these shoes.”  And she gasped and said, “OMG – they’re fabulous.  And they’re TAHARI.”  This meant nothing to me since I’m painfully ignorant about shoe brands unless they’re Merrells or Christian Louboutins, and I only know of Louboutins because of Daisy’s tutelage.  So I said, “Is that good?” and Daisy said, “YES.  Taharis are fabulous.  You have to get them.” 

So this is when my conscience kicked into high gear.  My conscience said, “Mock.  Seriously.  You don’t need these shoes.  You can’t even WALK in these shoes.  It doesn’t matter that they were originally $100 and now they’re only $49.99.  That’s still a preposterous amount of money to spend on shoes that you don’t need and can’t walk in.”  So I repeated what my conscience said to Daisy.  And you know what she said?

She said, “Mock.  What would Victoria Beckham do?”

Now I ask you.  How was I supposed to argue with that? 

And further, she said, “I read once that Victoria Beckham said she herself had to practice in order to learn how to walk in high heels.”

“Victoria Beckham had to learn to walk in heels?”  I thought.  Well, if SHE had to practice, then certainly I could practice and learn to walk in them too.  And maybe, just maybe, I could attain just a tiny fraction of her fabulousness.

So I said, “You are the worst person to talk someone out of buying something they don’t need EVER.”  And Daisy said, “Yes.  Yes I am.  I will never ever ever tell you to NOT buy something.  Especially if it’s a pair of Tahari shoes.  Just look at the BOX they come in, for God’s sake.  I am going to LICK it.”

And she’s right. Even the BOX is fabulous.  And the soles of the shoes are gold with the word “Tahari” embossed into them.  So I think you know how this turns out.  I’m now the owner of an absolutely delicious pair of Tahari sandals.  I told Mr. Mock this story when he got home, and then I tried them on and showed them to him.  He said, “They are pretty cute.  But you’re going to break your ankles.”  Such is his confidence in my ability to channel Victoria.

Anyway, I’ve been practicing since I got home, and I think I’m getting better.  It’s hard work being fabulous, you guys.  But I’m determined. 

And you know what? You may not like them, and that’s ok.  We’re not going to have the same taste in everything.  See here, for example.  But I am so totally in love with these shoes I can barely contain myself.  I may sleep with them tonight.  So even if they result in two busted ankles, I’m going to be thanking Daisy for getting me one step closer to Victoria’s fabulosity.  BEHOLD:

LOVE.

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