So, any of you out there who are squeamish about women’s reproductive organs may want to skip this post. Likewise, those of you who are squeamish about bodily functions in general might choose to pass this one too.
Ok. For those of you still with me – I would like you to know that I just now finished a bottle of magnesium citrate, in preparation for tomorrow’s uterus-removal.
I’ve never drank magnesium citrate before, and now that I have, I hope I never ever have to again. You know what it tastes like? It tastes like the straight syrup of sprite, mixed with a bunch of salt, and then carbonated. It’s heinous.
And so now I’m sitting around, waiting for the onset of major diarrhea. Good times.
I just hope this all passes (no pun intended) in time for the Golden Globes. I’d just as soon watch them uninterrupted, if you know what I mean.
In other news, Mini-Mock has a wicked ear infection, and is all sorts of sick. He’s pitiful and unable to sleep and doesn’t have an appetite and is just the saddest, sweetest little sick person you could ever know. Junior Mock? Totally fine. But NO ONE in this house slept last night. It was as if it never WAS night, and yesterday just sort of lasted through, well, right now.
I wish I could totally fast forward time to about 2-3 weeks from now, when I’m all recovered and Junior Mock is completely healed 100% and Mini-Mock is over his sickness.
Anyway – I might try to post a little during the Globes, if I’m not spending the entire evening attached to my toilet. If I don’t post, you’ll know why. 
Wish me luck tomorrow!
Good wishes coming your way. The prep sounds awful, much like the one for a colonoscopy. Sick bastards who think up this stuff!
I hate to be the one to tell you, but that stuff will likely last you well into the morning. Thankfully, God made wireless internet, and it was good.
Good Luck, Mock.
PS – It is a well known medical fact that copious consumption of chocolate is an invaluable aid in the recuperative process.
Reasons like that is why laptops and wireless internet were made…They’re portable. At any rate..I had a hyster and lemme tell you…you will not miss aunt flo and can wear white pants or a skirt any day of the month! It’s very freeing!
Good luck! I had to prep for a colonoscopy too and it wasn’t pleasant. But just think all the money you’ll save on tampax!
best wishes, mocky!
)
it will all be over soon and all will be well once again.
wishing you a speedy recovery as well and mini mock and
mock jr.
Mock, I feel your, erm, discomfort here. I had to take that exact stuff to prep for a colonoscopy a couple years back. (Yes, yes, I’m much too young to need one of those procedures! Thank you for noticing! Ha ha! I learned I have diverticulosis, and not something super serious, which was a relief.) Anyway, I hope you have some super soft bath tissue, and more than one bathroom in your house, is all I can say about that stuff you took. It is VERY effective!
Good luck with your surgery tomorrow, Mock! I look forward to seeing you back on here, mocking the world once again! Oh, and I’m envious of your impending lack of future visits from your Aunt Flo. That part of my life I am looking forward to!
Be sure to hold on to the toilet. You’ll wish you had a seatbelt. Houston we have liftoff! And don’t stray too far from it either. I had the pleasant experience recently to have a bed in the hospital next to a man prepped for surgery. He was unable to go to the bathroom so he had a bedside toilet/ bucket in a chair between our beds. Not on the other side but right up against mine. WHY? With only the thinnest piece of cloth between us, his toilet chair would actually touch my bed and he was using it too much to count. A few times I thought someone came in to pressure wash the bucket. At least that was what it sounded like with the force of his body contents hitting the plastic. Once I swear he lifted above the curtain. Amazing how much a body can hold. But good luck with everything Mock.
Ok you guys – shouldn’t this have worked by now? Because so far, NOTHING.
All of a sudden you will feel your tummy gurgling-then it’s on to the races! Horrible stuff! Good luck tomorrow-just picture yourself leaving the hospital. You sure have been through a lot this week-smooth sailing from here on out.
Sweats with elastic waistbands were made for this part of your procedure. You want want buttons or zippers in the way.
Don’t get too far from the bathroom, it will hit you fast and you won’t have much if any time to spare. Good luck tomorrow
It’s working now. And I can sum it up as follows:
Holy. Mother. Of. Crap.
Wishing you a great surgery, a speedy recovery and peace in your household SOON!!!
You are in my prayers tonight for uneventful surgery tomorrow.
Good luck! I’ll be praying for you and your family!
Also, I’m not sure which hospital you’re going to, but if you feel it’s needed, don’t hesitate to write the organ you’re supposed to be losing in bold Sharpie print across your mid-section. I’d hate to hear you drank all that stuff only to come out with a missing spleen.
Rachel, I love it that you wrote that about the Sharpie. Before my first back surgery, I had lost bladder and bowel control. Because the neurosurgeon had gone into “that” area in spite of me sobbing request that he NOT go there, I had my husband take a Sharpie and write “EXIT ONLY” across my butt before the surgery. It was gone when I came out of surgery, but the doctor never said a thing about it. (He did look at my husband suspiciously, though.)
Best wishes to you Mock! I had to work a late shift at the hospital (although fortunately, not in the same one where BB’s roommate was) and am just reading your post. I figure by now you are a good 10 lbs lighter and clean as a whistle
Good luck with the surgery and recovery. Hopefully, in a few weeks everything will be back to normal for you and your family!!
Best wishes, Mock! I’m sorry I didn’t think of telling you this … I had a “baseline” sigmoidoscopy when I was about 36. Everyone told me the prep was FAR worse than the procedure, so here’s what I did: On the prep day, I was supposed to stop eating at 5 pm and start using “the stuff” at about 7. So I ate very soft foods for breakfast and lunch … eggs, no toast, no potatoes, and soup for lunch and early dinner. Lots of water. I took the stuff as scheduled, about an hour later I got lots of loud gurgling, then I had two trips to the bathroom. That was it. The next morning, at the procedure, the techs told me that I was very clean and shared with me how gross it was when people gave up and came in dirty. I was so proud!
Hope all went well, and was as painless as humanly possible! Hugs to you and Junior Mock (but not too tight!).
Lots of positive thoughts for a quick recovery for all of you.
R, your husband sounds like a real hoot! “Exit Only”!! I’m dying with laughter here!
I think more hospitals are having patients write on themselves with sharpies now to avoid surgeons cutting the wrong thing or into the wrong part. I had carpal tunnel surgery 11 years ago and mine had ME write on the proper wrist while I was still awake, just to prevent any mixups in the operating room. I suppose with surgeons, it can be much like a revolving door with many patients in one day and it can get confusing as to which part of the body is getting cut into.
I hope that by this time Mock is all done, waking up and feeling happy with all the “fun juice” they pump into you for these procedures.