The Mock Dock

9 Responses to “I. LOATHE. HEIDI MONTAG.”

1. 1 Zachary
   January 19, 2010 at 9:20 pm

   I’ll admit it–I found Heidi Montag pretty before. Not gorgeous, not especially attractive (especially with that personality of hers), but decently pretty.

   Now she looks like a cross between the first junior-high girl to discover false eyelashes and a cartoon character.

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2. 2 Zachary
   January 19, 2010 at 9:26 pm

   Also (and sorry to comment twice), can I point out that she definitely has the beginning signs of the Paris Hilton lazy eye? Supposedly Paris’s is because of bad/too much plastic surgery. Probably the same thing is happening here.

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3. 3 HurleyBurleyGirl
   January 19, 2010 at 10:40 pm

   Stupid girl. Stupid, stupid, stupid. And now, more stupid girls will follow her.

   And a triple D cup size?!!!!!! Does anyone know what that will look like when she’s an old lady? They’ll be knocking about her knees.

   Her main message is: I am a stupid girl. Look at me. I’m stupid!!!!

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4. 4 R
   January 20, 2010 at 12:31 am

   Anyone else see something OctoMom-ish about her?

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5. 5 Hatchetwoman
   January 20, 2010 at 1:09 am

   The Octomom thing is from the way she talks without moving her lips naturally. If you’ve ever talked to a young girl who’s still not used to wearing lipstick, she talks the same way. Heidi and the Octoslut talk that way because they’re not used to their LIPS.

   This woman is stupid. She’s also lying about the number of surgeries she’s had. Watch that part of the clip … she slows down her conversation and her eyes flicker. She’s trying to remember the official story as she’s telling it. I’m sure she’s had more than two surgeries.

   I like how her jaw is still “delicate” and that’s why she can’t sing. Yeah – she can’t sing because, well, she can’t sing! Is there any real doubt of that? Listen to the clip from the CD — it’s totaly synthesized. She’s the kind of person I want to slap so that her face cracks.

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6. 6 Reminiscent_of_Purple
   January 20, 2010 at 10:30 am

   I think the saddest thing about this is that she came thisclose to making the world a better place — she said she had received too much Demerol or some similar drug that slowed her breathing down to 5 breaths per minute, which is close to death. *sigh* We came close, you guys!

   All kidding aside, I can never understand girls who get breast implants, particularly humongous ones. I would give anything for smaller breasts – mine are natural but way out of proportion to the rest of my body: 44-29-36 are my measurements and it makes finding clothing really difficult. Plus it makes exercising awkward and painful as well unless I’m wearing like three supertight sports bras. Not to mention the back strain and shoulder pain (from the bra straps digging in) they cause. I hate that this plastic Barbie-wannabe could have influence on young, naturally beautiful girls and convince some of them to implant a foreign body into their bodies for “beauty”. Ugh.

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7. 7 R
   January 20, 2010 at 10:37 am

   It’s a shame no one here has any strong opinions.

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8. 8 Punky
   January 20, 2010 at 5:18 pm

   Mock, why does Heidi not have an “I hate Heidi Montag” bar like Mariah and Assh*le, I mean Ashley?

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9. 9 Tatertot
   January 21, 2010 at 11:12 pm

   Oh my! I thought it was that beige-haired dog-eyed plastic-faced Holly Madison.

   That prototype is becoming so common that we may only be able to tell them apart by the pompousities who squire them around.

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