According to this link that an alert and astute mockdocker sent me, Heidi Montag, plastic surgery queen and all-around moron, put nearly $2 million of her own money into making her new album, expected to make that back after just one week of sales, but the album has sold only ONE THOUSAND COPIES. This totally gives me the glees.
The name of the album is, appropriately, “Superficial.” And the fact that one thousand people actually bought it is a total miracle. Her husband probably picked up at least 750 of them, which means that there are 250 really really stupid people out there.
I can’t let this post go without more enlightenment from Heidi herself:
She almost died like Michael Jackson, you guys. (insert any number of jokes here)
I reiterate: Stupid girl. Stupid, stupid, stupid girl!
My question: where did she get the 2 million dollars from? Were stupid people buying her stuff before?
Holy sh*t I can’t STAND her! Totally self-absorbed, and trying to look all coquettish and cutesy. How hilarious would it be for her to get hit in the face right now.
She said her music would “make an impact in pop history.” Hmm, maybe the impact of a fly farting?
Here’s the stupid thing about public figures spending a metric butt-ton of money on plastic surgery : We knew what they looked like before!
Goodness. Just HEARING her talk about her ears getting sewn and her back getting shaped is making me queasy. I could never consider having that kind of thing done to me.
I mean, botox is one thing but getting leg tissue injected into your face? No thanks!
Also, go look up her album on iTunes. Average review = 1 and 1/2 out of 5 stars. Yeah.
Did she say, in the 3rd minute, that they were counting her BREASTS? It really sounded like she said that!! (Um, that would be …one…two…ok, that’s all, M’am.)
Then she said they put oxygen “on my face!” Where ELSE would one put it?!! OMG!!
I couldn’t continue watching due to feeling my IQ dropping when I saw the before and after and I feel that she looked better before. Her jawline looks dreadful now, like a robot rather than a person. Ugh.
The title of this post is an epic WIN Mock. Everyone should be laughing at what a total FAIL Heidi Montag-Pratt is…I think the press should just start referring to her as “That Pratt.”