The Mock Dock

You have to admit, this is some pretty spectacular flexibility.  I mean, say what you want about the overuse of denim.  This chick is LIMBER.

I think the anti-gravity thing only works when you’re actually IN it.

Ahhh jeez.  According to this, Ashley Judd, no longer content to torture us with mere interviews and magazine spreads, is going to publish her memoirs in 2011.

The article says that Ashley will “draw upon 500 pages of journal entries she wrote about healing losses from a fractured childhood spent in Kentucky and Tennessee with her country music star mother, Naomi Judd.”

Oooo – that won’t make their family gatherings awkward or anything. (snort)

Ashley says, “By sharing my own story along with those of the beautiful and resilient people I’ve met in the most desperate places, I want to show how the change we seek in the world must start within us.”

Obviously, I’m going to have to read this tripe, because it’ll offer prime tidbits for mockery.  See what I have to go through to keep you all entertained?  It’s tough to be me.

But apparently, not nearly as tough as it is to be Ashley Judd, who is currently suffering at Harvard from not getting 10 hours of sleep per night.

HATE.

I can’t upload any pictures tonight.  I don’t know if it’s my computer or the site or WHAT, but I’m just not able to SEE any of the photos I’ve saved, and so I can’t show them to you.

ARGH.

Meantime, since I know you’re all interested in my uterus-free existence, I’ll tell you that I got my drain out yesterday, which was the WEIRDEST SENSATION EVER, and that unfortunately, today I feel like a swollen bloated cow.

The good news is that I can walk a tiny tick faster than I could before.  And I THINK I might actually be able to sleep on my side tonight, which will make for a nice change.

Still.  I don’t feel normal, and I’m tired of not feeling normal, and I’m getting kinda cranky about it.  I’m supposed to be back in the office next week, but so far, I’m unable to comfortably wear anything without an elastic waistband.  So hopefully I can persuade the management team to exempt me from business casual dress for the foreseeable future, until such time as I am able to actually FEEL my abdominal area enough to suck it in.

Have I mentioned that surgery sucks?

Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant are doing a new cartoon series for HBO, and I am TOTALLY GOING TO WATCH IT, if only to hear Ricky’s infamous cackle. Here’s a scrap from one of the episodes:

And here are the creators talking about the show. LOVE:

Or not.  I mean, you might be one of those people who don’t care for baseball caps.

Under what POSSIBLE CIRCUMSTANCES are these dolls appropriate for ANYTHING, I ask you?

WHERE ARE VICTORIA’S HEELS?!?!?

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this video, and see – this is why you should be careful of landbeasts, you guys. THEY WILL KILL YOU.

I cannot BELIEVE this chick got off with 3 years probation after KILLING a dude. Wow. If she’d have used a gun, I guarantee you there’d have been jail time. This should be a lesson to everyone that landbeastiocity is every bit as deadly as any other weapon.

This is completely precious. LOVE.