The Mock Dock

Holy mother of crap.

Literal music videos. Holmes sent me one today, and it reminded me of how much I loved the Total Eclipse one, but that this one is my for sure 2nd favorite. Enjoy!

The luggage would lead me to believe she’s at an airport.  I guarantee you that at some point in his travels, Mr. Mock will be forced to sit next to her.  And that she’ll only buy one seat.

Apparently Liza Minelli can only afford to dress herself in colored saran wrap now.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me a picture taken at some festival of a dude with the 2nd grossest head of hair ever.

I say 2nd, because I remember posting a picture some time ago of a dude with the single most disgusting head of hair I have ever seen, and now I can’t find it to remind you guys of it.  It was like this long, matted hair-and-mud-combo.  Do you remember?  Total brownie points to anyone who can find it and link it in the comments.

But anyway, this is gross.

If you’re one of those people who get annoyed when I provide you with too many details about my physical well- being, you’ll want to just skip this post.

Ok.  So for the 3 of you still reading, I have to tell you the cutest story!  But it starts with a little TMI.  Remember how I got my uterus taken out?  (You can read the entire uterine storyline right here.)  Well, if you’ll recall, I still have my ovaries.  And I’m one of those women who is keenly in tune with all things related to my reproductive cycle, which means I always know when I’m ovulating, because it HURTS.  And it STILL hurts, because I still have ovaries, even though I’m uterus-free.  And today will go down in history as one of the most painful ovulations ever.  I don’t know why – but it just hurts extra today.

Naturally, I’ve been texting Mr. Mock about this so that he can show me appropriate amounts of sympathy.  He’s always really good about that, texting back stuff like, “I’m sorry, sweetheart.  I hope your cramps get better” and nice stuff like that, even though I’m whiney and complainy and in general just a huge pain in the a$$.  I maintain that Mr. Mock should be held up as some sort of gold standard for husbands, and that he should develop a training class for husbands-to-be (or even current husbands) so that they can benefit from his exceptional husband skills.

ANYWAY, by now you’re probably like, “OMG just get to the point of the story already.”  Ok – so I told Mini-Mock that my tummy was hurting, and he offered to kiss it, which was adorable, but then he asked, “Should I rub it for you?”  And the way he looked at me, with those giant, round full-of-sweetness eyes totally made me MELT.  And so I said, “I would love that, Mini-Mock, you sweet sweet thing.”  And so while I have been typing THIS VERY POST, Mini has been sitting next to me, rubbing on my belly.

Seriously – does it get sweeter than that?

My guess is that it’s a bigger sandwich.  Or twelve.

I can’t decide whether I think jean diapers are adorable or whether they’re the new Crocs, which seem like a good idea at first, until they start being totally mocked and universally hated by everyone.

Have I ever told you guys that Mr. Mock is anti-jeans?  He has not owned a pair of jeans since he was like, 11.  He is either always in shorts or khakis, or the occasional pair of cords. But there is no denim whatsoever in his wardrobe. He’s got nothing against other people wearing it, but he WILL NOT EVER own or wear a pair of jeans.  And he wouldn’t be caught dead in jorts.  Even if there was some sort of bizarre khaki-killing virus, and khaki pants were eradicated from the earth, he’d figure out a way to avoid wearing denim at all costs.  It’s one of those weird quirks that’s totally odd, but I think it’s kind of adorable all at the same time.  I love it about him, the same way I love that he’s physically unable to NOT rub his feet together like a cricket when he’s falling asleep.

Anyway, my point is that if Mr. Mock and I had a kid who was diaper aged, more than likely Mr. Mock would prohibit jiapers, even though they are not Actual Denim.

Someone commented that they wanted me to post something new so that they wouldn’t be forced to see those unfortunate boys in the post below anymore when they opened up the Mock Dock, so I am happy to honor that request.

Here you go!

I would like to point out that unlike many of the pictures of bikini-covered landbeasts I’ve posted in the past, this woman is wearing full-coverage bottoms.  And I appreciate that.  I still think a generous one-piece would have been the way to go, or perhaps a skirted bottom and loose tankini, but this is still better than a thong.

I’m going to revisit this photo the next time I feel stressed out over bathing suit shopping.