The Mock Dock

If you are considering wearing a sequined tube top, and you are shaped like this person, please reconsider.

Thank you.

An alert and astute mockdocker has turned me on to movie previews that have been made into the complete opposite of what they actually are, simply with a change of music. This is the best most awesome thing ever.

LOOK at this one. This is The Sound Of Music gone horror. I totally have the glees over this.

Best. Cat Caretaker. EVER.

Although, I kinda feel like he should just pick the cat up, toss it in a backpack so it doesn’t freak out on the way down the ladder, and then take it inside. And he could be all, “See? Inside ROCKS.” And you know that cat would be like, “Awww man. Why didn’t you take me down from that tree sooner?” And the guy would be all, “Well, it hadn’t occurred to me to do so until Mockarena said something at The Mock Dock.”

And then the cat’ll say, “That Mock is one smart lady.” And then the cat will purr happily and ask the dude to buy a new cat food dish that says The Mock Dock on it, and the dude will, and then will submit a picture, and then I will write a personalized haiku for him AND the cat. And it will go like this:

Dude, why did it take
a post from Mockarena
to get that cat down?

…and all of a sudden you come across a picture that someone has taken or made, and it just completely cracks you up and makes what was an ordinary day suddenly more awesome?

That is how I felt when I saw the picture I’m about to share with you. First of all, let me just say that I think Iggy Pop is one of the most seriously hideous people on the planet. He’d probably be less hideous, actually, if he just wouldn’t constantly EXPOSE so much of himself to innocent bystanders. Clothes would be helpful to him.

But what’s awesome about this picture is that someone saw his hideousness, and imagined a face in the midst of it, and then created a separate picture of the imagined face, and named it Sad Torso.  And there is something so hysterical about that, I cannot stop smiling when I look at it.  Because now, whenever I look at Iggy Pop’s hideous torso, from here on out, I will always be on the lookout for Sad Torso.

And I bet now you will too.  See for yourself, after the jump: Continue reading ‘You Know How Sometimes You’re Exploring The Interwebs…’

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this link today, which is about a company called MeatWater, which, unforunately, is exactly what you’re afraid it is.

Meatwater makes “meal supplement drinks” which come in flavors like cheeseburger, BBQ chicken wings, liverwurst, and Italian sausage. And hot off the presses are four new flavors especially for the vegan crowd – poached salmon salad, grilled chicken salad, beef salad and shrimp salad.

Let me just reiterate. It’s water. That tastes like food. It’s like Willy Wonka’s 7-course dinner candy, only it’s REAL, and it’s LIQUID.

The founder of MeatWater is all sorts of proud of his creation. He boasted that “The shrimp salad flavor is my favorite because it’s really, really tasty. That’s become the hero of the line because it can also double as an excellent vodka mixer. All four drinks are light and totally refreshing, exploding with 300 different flavors engineered by our pros.”

Served best when warm, apparently. Like red wine.

The craziest part? PEOPLE ARE BUYING IT. According to the founder, “the current top seller is Hungarian goulash, a reddish-brown thirst-quencher meant to taste like the authentic Hungarian stew dish comprised of beef, onions and paprika.”

How much of a hurry are you in if you need to DRINK your meal?

You guys are welcome to try this out and report back. As you know, I can’t even drink COFFEE straight. But I would drink a cup of coffee TOTALLY BLACK before I’d try a bottle of this crap. And for me, that’s saying something.

This HAS to be a relative of Spike. Don’t you think? Even though he’s a snaaaaaaaake?

Skin tight jorts and red boots?  ON A GUY?!?!?

No.  Thank you, but no.

You have to give this chick mad props. If that were me, I’d be crying and demanding sympathy and flowers and presents and cards. But this chick? She’s all, “What?”

That is awesome.

…I would want to do it with this TV crew. Without question. I could never work for a straight-laced, humorless news station. I would need them to be inappropriate, and I would need them to appreciate juvenile humor, and I would need them to make me look as good as this chick does.

Thanks for the link, BB!

YAAAAAAAAAAY!  Mini-Mock visited with the giraffes today and he did great!  Look – he even hugged on Tess, the Best Dog Who Ever Lived Ever.

And he let her kiss his face and everything.  Tess is the calmest of the dogs, and she got to stay out for the whole party.  When it cleared out a bit, the giraffes came upstairs.  They’re a little overwhelming to some people, and I would imagine that to a person as mini as Mini-Mock, they’re REALLY overwhelming.  But the largest of the giraffes was actually SCARED of Mini-Mock, which was kind of hilarious.  And Mini-Mock was brave and tried to touch all of them, and he just did awesome.  He is going to be SO GOOD with Louie.

I bought a ring and a pair of earrings, which I will happily photograph for you when they arrive.  I spent less than $100, so I feel like that was a success, because I wanted approximately $1000 worth of stuff.

I forgot to tell you guys that we went to see Disney’s Toy Story On Ice on Friday night, and if you’ve been thinking about taking your kiddos to see it, DO IT.  It was super entertaining, and Mini-Mock totally loved it.

Anyway, for those of you who don’t give a crap about my personal family stories or someone else’s dogs or jewelry or Disney on ice, and who are wondering why I’m not mocking anything, here:

This post is protected by an Alcoholic Hello Kitty Underwear Cowboy.  So please.  Show some respect.