The Mock Dock

That’s the only conclusion I can come up with for why they would try to scare people away from their flights with this HORRIFYING flight instruction video guide.

Richard Simmons – it’s time to think about a new hairstyle.

If you are older than, say, 50, STOP WEARING MINI-SKIRTS.

I don’t even wanna get into the hair.

Is she looking at bug killing sprays? Because that would make TONS of sense.

Buckeye Bob sent this to me a few days ago:

I am both grateful and disappointed that there was no picture included.

My Jayhawks lost.

Ashley’s Cats won.

Devastated.

But this helps:

Before I say anything else, let me just say right now that I will not EVER EVER EVER in a billion skillion years product test this perfume, sent to me by an alert and astute mockdocker.

It’s perfume made from some dude’s poop.  I am not making this up.  The source of the poop and creator of this disgusting product was interviewed right here.  And he looks exactly as you might expect:

It’s one thing for a dude to make perfume from his own crap.  But it’s entirely another for someone to BUY IT.  He claims he has sold 25 bottles.

HI PERVS!

Look.  I think we can all agree that this chick’s boobular area has serious issues, not the least of which is that they need some major hoisting.  And that bathing suit top could quite possibly be the least helpful, least flattering style she could ever choose ever.

But WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL is going on with her ankle?

I know you’re all aware that Ashley Judd ranks pretty high on the list of people who annoy the crap out of me.  It’s not that I don’t appreciate her humanitarian efforts, because it’s awesome if she’s helping people.  Yay for her for helping.  But it’s pretty much everything ELSE about her that drives me crazy.  It’s her politics, her pretentiousness, her arrogance, her out-of-control ego, her hypocrisy, her incessant need to use gigantic words when it’s totally unnecessary, etc. etc. etc.

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but she’s going to be starring in a new ABC miniseries called Missing.  And you have GOT TO READ how she decided to do it.  She said, and I’m not making this up, “And what I have decided to boldly believe is that I can reconnect with the creative process on that sustained, full-time basis in ways that are congruent with how I construct meaning, that are in keeping with my values and principles.”

I think I speak for many many many normal people when I say, “WHIZZUH WHUZZAH?”

Mr. Mock has had to listen to my Ashley complaints for years now, and while he has always been sympathetic to my cause, it wasn’t until I read him that paragraph this evening that I think he really GOT what I’ve been so irritated about for so long.  He had me read it to him like 3 times, because he was that incredulous.  I mean, she’s just insufferable.

Anyway, we’re about to be subjected to non-stop Ashley over the next few months, because of that show, the Who Do You Think You Are show she’s going to be on, her memoirs being released, and the racing season starting again.  And you know what else?  It’s ENTIRELY POSSIBLE that her Kentucky Wildcats are going to play in the finals against my Kansas Jayhawks.

It’s all too much to bear.  But my photo arsenal is full, you guys.  BEHOLD:

The fact that any type of UGA gear is in close proximity to parts of the body that don’t even EXIST on non-landbeast people is going to be upsetting to him.

Where are this chick’s Actual Boobs?  They’re not actually what’s sticking out of the bottom of her shirt, are they?  ARE THEY?!?!??!

I totally want to try this, even though it’s inappropriate, because I am SO CURIOUS what a refreshingly delicious cat drink would taste like.

I don’t even wanna THINK about the people who are going to find The Mock Dock now that there’s a “pussy pop” tag here.

HI PERVS!

I would totally product test this I weren’t just a teeeeeny bit concerned that the “rug” actually refers to this dude’s hair.