The Mock Dock

I can’t believe someone is Actually Charging $40 for this, and will more than likely become a bajillionaire because of it.

I love how the commercial goes all carbon-scientific on us. It’s like the kinoki pad of blankets!

Top ten keyword searches:

1.  the mock dock
2.  shakeweight review
3.  joey lawrence gay
4.  ashley judd pregnant
5.  kate gosselin
6.  best breakfast ever cracker barrel
7.  much mocked hairstyle
8.  armpit licking
9.  kinoki foot pad instructions
10.  john mayer is a jerk

And my favorite searches:

1.  why do girls hiss when they pee
2.  old ladies in bikinis
3.  joey lawrence’s bulge
4.  octomom’s bra size
5.  elephant poop death
6.  does ashley judd have a lazy eye
7.  bounce those boobies
8.  how to write real good
9.  twinkie hunting
10.  latex electrical sluts

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this link to the Mangroomer, a do it yourself back hair removal system.  It makes me giggle.

But you know what doesn’t make me giggle?  The fact that I still have not received my Shakeweight, even though it’s been 3 weeks since I ordered it, and even though I paid the $9.95 to get it shipped “express” which supposedly would take no more than 5-7 days.

So naturally, I called the Life-Hating People at ShakeWeight to inquire.  The following conversation ensued:

Life Hating Person:  Shakeweight can I help you.

Me:  Yeah – I ordered on the 26th of August, and I haven’t received it yet.

LHP:  It takes between 4-6 weeks to ship.

Me:  But see, I paid for the express shipping.

LHP:  What is your order number?

Me:  (gives LHP order number)

LHP:  Yeah, well, the response to the product has been overwhelming, so we’re really backlogged.

Me:  That’s all well and good, and I am delighted for you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I paid for express shipping to avoid, you know, having to wait the 4-6 weeks.

LHP:  Well, everything is really behind, due to the huge response.

Me:  Okaaaaaay, so then when might I expect the product to be shipped?

LHP:  In about 4-6 weeks.

Me:  And will you be refunding my express shipping costs?

LHP:  Well, we haven’t charged your credit card yet, because we haven’t shipped the shakeweight to you yet.

Me:  So, when you guys DO get around to shipping it to me, do you intend to charge me for express shipping?

LHP:  Well, that was how you ordered it.

Me:  Right.  I ordered it to be express-shipped in 5-7 days.  It’s now 3 weeks later, and you’re telling me it hasn’t been shipped.  So since we’re already past the point of it being express-shipped, I’m telling you that I no longer want to be CHARGED for express-shipment.  Let me know if that logic makes sense to you.

LHP:  Well, I guess I could adjust your order so that you’re charged only for regular shipping.

Me:  Hey – you know what?  That’s a great idea.  Good job.  Now then – if we change it to regular shipping, when do you expect that it might actually be shipped?

LHP:  Well, we’re really behind.  Probably 4-6 more weeks.

Me:  Perfect.

Yeah.  This is totally reminiscent of the Kinoki Foot Pad ordeal, which means that by the time the Shakeweight actually arrives, it’ll be available down the street at Walgreen’s.

Sigh.

Another great omegle chat last night, you guys.  And I wasn’t sure how it would turn out, given that after the “hi- how are you’s” were exchanged he immediately sent a naked photo of himself.  Yeah – he was one of those guys.  But it turned out to be like a 45 minute chat about everything from skydiving to politics.  And naturally I got in a plug about both my sites.

If he chooses to comment here or at www.chicksontheright.com, he will be known as “The Naked Guy” for obvious reasons.

If you’re interested in the conversation, it’s posted after the jump, with the actual photo links removed as well as anything else too incriminating (email addresses, etc).  But this just goes to show you that as long as you don’t freak out about initially being flashed a stranger’s penis, you can actually have a nice chat. 

Continue reading ‘Another Omeglifying Success Story’

Hey – remember last month when I gave you guys the stats on how people find The Mock Dock?  I thought I’d give you this month’s report.

Here were the top ten keyword searches:

1.  the mock dock
2.  shamwows
3.  joey lawrence gay
4.  meatrocket8
5.  brad gellert
6.  mindy winkler
7.  kinoki jokey mockarena
8.  buckeye bob (LOOK BUCKEYE BOB! You’re becoming FAMOUS!)
9.  armpit licking
10.  ashley judd pregnant

And my favorites this month?

1.  boob scarf
2.  good god gertie what a gash
3.  loudest pee
4.  needle penis
5.  family feud breast
6.  hotchickswithdouches
7.  cucumber pilot
8.  nipple caps
9.  african penis cover
10.  ashley judd puffy face

I thought it might be of interest to some of you statisticky types to tell you about some of the hilarious keyword searches that people type into their google machines,  ultimately leading them to The Mock Dock.  Below are the top ten keywords used to get to TMD over the last 3 months, followed by the top weirdest keywords used to get here (chosen, of course, by me.)

Top Ten:

1.  the mock dock
2.  linda lou taylor
3.  shamwows
4.  ashley judd pregnant
5.  kinoki jokey
6.  armpit licking
7.  mantyhose
8.  joey lawrence gay
9.  mindy winkler
10.  i hate ashley judd

Now, for the ones I find most unusual/hilarious:

1.  penis docking
2.  hissing pee
3.  hotchickswithdouches
4.  anne hathaway horseteeth
5.  ashley judd + vaseline
6.  denim cameltoes
7.  mariah carey elephant ears
8.  festering zit
9.  hot breastmilk stories
10.  how to make body fur

Yeah.  I think it’s safe to say we’ve got some freaks among us.

Thanks to all 205 participants of the first official Mock Dock survey!  I happen to love surveys, especially when they’re anonymous like this.  The haters can feel free to hate, everyone’s honest, it’s all good.

Now – I’m still very very very new at this whole survey business.  I’d love to be able to do the kind that you can comment on, but I don’t know how to do that yet.  All I know how to do is radio buttons.  But just give me some time, and I’ll try and figure out how to do super cool awesome surveys for you in the future.

SO!  On to the results.  Jump in!!

Continue reading ‘First Official Mock Dock Survey RESULTS!!’

Britney’s new music video for the song “Womanizer,” which I accidentally really like, is going to premiere this Friday on 20/20.

I’d like to take this opportunity to also remind you that I too, was on 20/20.  I’m just saying.

Remember the 6 minutes of fame we achieved through the whole kinoki foot pad extravaganza?  And then remember how much it sucked when Red Lasso shut itself down and prevented people from being able to view the video of our 6 minutes of fame?  Well, I am happy to report that an extremely crafty and talented individual appears to have you-tubed it, meaning that it is now available for viewing once again.

So for those of you who were here waaaay back in January when the whole kinoki story began to unfold, and for those of you who found us because of the kinoki story, and for those of you who have absolutely no idea what I am talking about, you should check it out.

Redlasso, the service which allows blogs like ours to show you video clips of stuff from TV when we can’t find it on youtube, is suspending services because two of the major networks (whose identities I won’t mention except to say that NBC and Fox are a bunch of crybabies) have sued them over copyright infringement.  This means that pretty soon, all of the stuff we’ve ever clipped here through redlasso won’t work anymore.  This includes our appearance on 20/20 (which you should watch if you haven’t yet).

I cannot adequately express to you the amount that this sucks.