The Mock Dock

HOW WE BEGAN:

All of us mockers work together, Bunny and Mockarena are siblings, and we all bonded for two reasons:  first, we all share a completely juvenile sense of humor and second, we all have healthy enough egos that we believe other people should want to hear our opinions and observations on various topics.  (You’ve probably already noticed that Mock’s ego is the healthiest – since she has an inexplicable need to post like four or five things a day). After several email exchanges, instant messaging exchanges, texts, and in-person laugh-fests during which we mocked everything from celebrities to office politics to daily minutia, it was decided that we should share our mockery with the greater population. We thought, wouldn’t it be great if we had an outlet of some sort to introduce our observations to the world? If we could share Mockarena’s disdain for celebrities (and Ashley Judd in particular), Dame’s Dorkiness (and hatred of Katherine Heigl), Bunny’s interest in fart jokes (and hatred for Renee Zellweger), Holmes’ Absurd Life (and awesomely developed calf muscles), and Gabone’s incredible technical savvy?   Why, wouldn’t we be virtually unstoppable if we could create a website on which we could make fun of stuff and allow others to participate?  Don’t we owe it to the world to share our gift with them?  Wouldn’t it be, in fact, CRIMINAL to withhold our incredible talent from others?  Yes, we agreed.  It would. And thus, The Mock Dock was born.  Click the links below for examples of some of the exchanges which inspired us.

Before We Were Famous: A Collection of Email and IM Chains

See Here, and Here, and Here, and Here, and Here.

WHO WE ARE

Mockarena

Who is Mockarena?

It’s a question for the ages, really. Who is Mockarena - this mysterious, elusive, captivating, beguiling creature and what do I, as a prospective mockdocker, need to know about her? Excellent question, you!

I can’t really remember when it started, but for some time now, I have had a totally unhealthy curiosity about celebrities such that I even subscribe to crapmags like US Weekly and OK Magazine. But my curiosity has never been about admiration or even genuine interest as much as an intense desire to look at their pictures and mock them.

Mr. Mock is actually the one who came up with my screen name, Mockarena. The conversation went something like this:

Me: So, now that we have this website name, and it has to do with mocking, I need a good screen name. What’s a good screen name that has to do with mocking?

Mr. Mock: Mockarena.

Me: Ooooo. YAY! That is totally going to be my name.

Seriously. That’s about the extent of planning and forethought on my part that went into my name selection.

Anyway, the only real difference between me and Mockarena is that Mockarena is my meaner and more sarcastic alter-ego. She has keyboard courage, whereby she can write scathing commentary about celebrities and helpless freaks alike, but if I were to encounter any of these people in person and they even LOOKED at me crossways, I’d curl up in fetal position and cry. Other than that, what you read is pretty much what you get. Scroll back through enough of my posts, and you’ll start to get a pretty good feel for who I am. I really am as awesome as you might think. Good call!

Bunny Bangladesh

In addition to the distinction of being Mockarena’s sister, Bunny is what you could consider a “silent partner” at the Mockdock. While her posts may not be quite as numerous as Mockarena’s, Dame’s, or Holmes’, rest assured that she is silently mocking everything she sees almost 24 hours a day. Bunny and Gabone share the special bond of being too busy to post as much as they should.

Bunny’s name originated on the Ron Mexico Name Generator. Now before you go to the website and type in “Bunny Bangladesh” to try to see what her real name is, let me save you some time and tell you it doesn’t work that way. I already tried it.

Although Bunny is blessed with a brilliant intellect, it is true that the sound of flatulence is a surefire way to make her giggle uncontrollably. Just ask her fellow mockers. It’s become somewhat of a pastime for them.

Bunny has a scrupulous conscience and a huge appetite. Her favorite animal is the sloth. Coincidentally, sloth is also her favorite deadly sin.

Count on Bunny for future posts about farts and ridiculous products.

Dame Aufschneider

My name is Dame Aufschneider. My parents were immigrants from Germany in the early 80’s. (They were crazy about Ronald Reagan.) As they travelled to the great United States of America, my mom realized that she was pregnant with me. Her first ultrasound confirmed what she knew to be true - she was carrying a healthy baby girl with a head the circumference of a cantaloupe. (The Aufschneider line has always produced large-headed babies.) Being that my mother is as cunning as she is beautiful, she launched an agenda that would be my destiny. At the young age of 3, I began to learn of pop-culture and the likes of Joyce Dewitt, Joe Elliot, Lea Thompson and Judge Wapner. My mom thought that if I was going to have a large cranium, she would make it her life’s purpose to fill it with as many current pop-culture events as possible. I became wise beyond my years.

Now in my mid-twenties, I have never fully related to my own peers - who I assume are now into Ne-Yo and “The Hills.” I, along with my thick skull of useless information, have found friendship with those my senior in age alone. I found my place with my dear friends Mockarena, Bunny, Gabone, and Holmes (who, by the way, didn’t like me at first because he always thought his head was big, but now feels common in comparison - it’s ok, we worked through it.)

Other important facts about me include my love for the things the world considers dorky, my obsession with reality TV, and my hate for a Hollywood broad named Katherine. My detestation is as strong is it is unjustified.

Holmes Caymen

I drink coffee. I wear printed boxer shorts and write things. I hunt and am hunted.

Peter Gabone

Peter Gabone is the geek of the group. I enjoy creating, modifying, and deleting bytes of data on this modern marvel known as a computer. I am a rare species of geek. I enjoy normal activities such as sports and social gatherings, instead of the typical geek interests, such as dressing up like Yoda and fondling Star Wars figurines. As for my contributions to TheMockDock, I typically gear my mocking towards general observations in life or ridiculous news articles. If I posted in all categories, Chewbacca would get lonely.

Do you want to comment on how awesome we all are?  You can do so here.