Thanks to a small spot on the morning news, I learned that in Spivey’s Corner, NC, there was – and I swear I am not making this up – a HOLLERIN’ CONTEST last Sunday. What’s more is that this is an ANNUAL event, and to the small town of Spivey’s Corner and aspiring hollerers worldwide, it is a BIG DEAL. Apparently the contest raises lots of money for the police and fire stations, so it’s for a great cause…and because of this, I will try not to mock it.
I give up. I tried. I can’t help it. I have to mock. Luckily, someone has saved me lots of time by producing a video which adequately captures all the mocketacious mockability of this contest. Watch it. At the very least, it is powerful evidence for the theory of evolution. And it makes me think of all the fun Weird Al could have mocking Gwen Stefani’s “Hollaback Girl”.
So I have a friend whose husband is in the running to become a firefighter. And let me tell you – it is probably easier to become the President of the United States than it is to become a firefighter. I know this because my husband went through the same thing. For one thing, the application is approximately 847 pages long. They want to know everything about you…your whole entire past…right down to the exact moment (in military time) of your conception and at which point your cells began dividing to form your appendages. It is THAT detailed. And I’m pretty sure you sign some sort of foreign trade agreement with Bulgaria around page 291. Then, when you actually submit the application (which has to be signed in your own blood and notarized and delivered in person), you are required to sign a waiver giving the fire department full permission to investigate you and your whole entire past.
So imagine my friends’ surprise when there was a knock at their door last night around 8pm. Who could it be, you ask? Why, it was a CAPTAIN FROM THE FIRE DEPARTMENT. He showed up completely unannounced, presumably to catch my pals in the midst of scandalous squalor, thereby eliminating all their hopes of ever joining the department. And in what sordid activity were they engaged, you ask? Well there they sat, innocently eating tacos in their adorable, spotless, cozy home. These are people whose most violent activity in life is stapling. Needless to say, all went well. He is totally going to make the best firefighter ever!
BUT – it got me to thinking…what if this was standard practice? Can you imagine potential employers showing up announced at your home? And finding you in sweats and a t-shirt, cleaning up cat vomit and drinking wine? I would be unemployed for life if we were evaluated this way. Unless maybe it was the trash collection company. Then I would totally get hired.
In celebration of the arrival of the summer season, I present this clip. I also present my own lameness in admitting to you that I actually watch the show Beauty and the Geek. Here’s to you, Mockdockers. May you have a summer filled with laughter…..
Speaking of Ashley and dongs…get a load of this photo. There is so much happening in it that am I at a complete loss as to where to begin mocking it. Mock away, fellow McMockersons!!!
Is it just me, or is LaToya Jackson turning into Michael Jackson? Or has Michael Jackson turned into LaToya? What is it with these siblings that possesses them to mutilate their faces beyond recognition? I could even get past the recognition part if they were at least making themselves look better. But this…this…this nose is hardly a recognizable human feature anymore. This looks like reconstructive surgery for third degree burns. And would someone please explain her hairline. It is in the middle of her forehead.
If you were going on a game show as a contestant, and you knew that you had the chance to win a substantial amount of cash and prizes, and more importantly, you knew that you were likely going to be doing lots of jumping and cheering, what sort of top would you wear? Thank you, alert and astute reader Jamie for bringing this clip to our attention.
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