The Mock Dock

Nothing like a pair of morts to get you in the mood for some twinkies and potato chips, right?

And that joint probably has something to do with it too.

Doubt it’s a joint?  Would I ever steer you wrong?

She’s delightful, isn’t she?

I don’t know if you guys all saw the video footage of Lindsay being read her sentence yesterday, but if you missed it, it basically looked like this.  There was a lot of Lindsay crying and looking at her lawyer with this pleading, desperate look on her face, and her lawyer totally ignoring her and writing a lot of stuff on a piece of paper.  It was hilarious.

And apparently, as of today, her lawyer is no longer representing her.  I said to Mr. Mock yesterday when we saw this whole thing unfold on the news, “Ooo.  Her lawyer is so fired.”  But I’m not sure she was fired.  I’m inclined to now think that she finally realized her client is a wackjob, and she wanted out.

Either way though, Lindsay Lohan is lawyerless.

Lindsay Lohan is heading to jail for violating her probation. Listen to what a complete dumbass she is. She thought she could miss NINE alcohol education classes, because she was, you know, trying to BALANCE HER WORK LIFE.

She said, “As far as I knew I was being compliant with my program. When I would ask to leave town they would give me permission.  I wasn’t expecting any special treatment except that I have to provide for myself and they were willing to work with me.”

Hey Linds – asking to leave town and asking to miss nine mandatory education classes?  NOT THE SAME THING.

Celebrities are dumb.

The good news is that Lindsay already spent 84 minutes in jail back in 2007 for a cocaine charge , so this won’t be a shock to her system.

BEHOLD: Lindsay in a desperate attempt to seem normal and happy and substance-free.

I don’t buy it for a second. She looks strung out and belligerent in the interview.

…when applying flip flops requires serious effort.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent this to me, and I don’t know about you all, but I found myself totally cheering this dude on. I was watching it going, “You can do it. OH! So close. Ok…ok….you got it….” and so on. I love SO MUCH how in the middle of it he was all, “Heeey ladies…” and hit on some girls before he went back to the arduous task of putting on his own shoes.

Ahhh. Drunk people. So entertaining.

I like this one, that an alert and astute mockdocker sent me, more than the one that keeps airing.

You?

Those of you who have been around awhile might know me well enough to know that I get REALLY PISSY about frivolous lawsuits.  I hate them.  And I hate lawyers who perpetuate them.

In the latest frivolous lawsuit news, Lindsay Lohan is suing e-trade for ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS due to her pain and suffering over the following ad:

I’m not making this up. You can read all about it right here. To summarize, Lindsay Lohan says that she has “the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.”

My my my. SOMEONE thinks an awful lot of themselves, doesn’t someone?

Lindsay’s lawyer went on, “They used the name Lindsay. They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.”

So wait. If they would have used the name “Susan” wouldn’t we have to deal with a Susan Sarandon lawsuit or a Susan Lucci lawsuit or a Susan Boyle lawsuit? I mean, are they SERIOUS?!?!?

Lindsay just happens to be number 253 of the most popular girl names of the last decade. So this whole argument is kind of the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard ever.

I get that Lindsay Lohan is really stupid and/or under the influence of a controlled substance at any given time and therefore probably may not even realize her lawyer is filing this suit, but still.

HATE.

And that’s just me being NICE about her.

Anyway, Mariah Carey won an award for her acting in the movie Precious, and this video clip is just the first part of her wacked out acceptance speech, in which she is completely punch-worthy. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the speech, but can only assume it was SO awful, that whoever created this video was too mortified to keep recording.

HATE.

I mean, a book on HTML programming? Perhaps. Klingon-to-English translation dictionaries? I can see it. But there is no way in hell I would be remotely interested in purchasing a romance novel from this dude.