The Mock Dock

Those of you who have been around awhile might know me well enough to know that I get REALLY PISSY about frivolous lawsuits.  I hate them.  And I hate lawyers who perpetuate them.

In the latest frivolous lawsuit news, Lindsay Lohan is suing e-trade for ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS due to her pain and suffering over the following ad:

I’m not making this up. You can read all about it right here. To summarize, Lindsay Lohan says that she has “the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.”

My my my. SOMEONE thinks an awful lot of themselves, doesn’t someone?

Lindsay’s lawyer went on, “They used the name Lindsay. They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.”

So wait. If they would have used the name “Susan” wouldn’t we have to deal with a Susan Sarandon lawsuit or a Susan Lucci lawsuit or a Susan Boyle lawsuit? I mean, are they SERIOUS?!?!?

Lindsay just happens to be number 253 of the most popular girl names of the last decade. So this whole argument is kind of the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard ever.

I get that Lindsay Lohan is really stupid and/or under the influence of a controlled substance at any given time and therefore probably may not even realize her lawyer is filing this suit, but still.

HATE.

And that’s just me being NICE about her.

Anyway, Mariah Carey won an award for her acting in the movie Precious, and this video clip is just the first part of her wacked out acceptance speech, in which she is completely punch-worthy. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the speech, but can only assume it was SO awful, that whoever created this video was too mortified to keep recording.

HATE.

I mean, a book on HTML programming? Perhaps. Klingon-to-English translation dictionaries? I can see it. But there is no way in hell I would be remotely interested in purchasing a romance novel from this dude.

I mean, I’m not POSITIVE.  But all indications are that he is, in fact, intoxicated.

Are those bowling shoes?

Drunkest Guy Ever Goes for More Beer – Watch more Funny Videos

This is how. If you’re this blasted at 10am, and you’re going for more beer, you miiiiiiight need an intervention.

According to this, Paula Abdul may not return for next season’s American Idol.  Her manager talked to the LA times and said,  “She’s not a happy camper as a result of what’s going on. She’s hurt. She’s angry.”

“What’s going on” is that Paula hasn’t yet received a new contract proposal, even though auditions for the next season are already underway.  Interestingly, Paula’s manager has been her manager for just a few weeks now.  So he’s either a publicity genius and taking this story public so that the producers scramble to give Paula a zillion skillion dollars, or it’s really TRUE that the producers don’t care if Paula comes back one way or another.

The manager went on: “I find it under these circumstances particularly unusual; I think unnecessarily hurtful. I find it kind of unconscionable and certainly rude and disrespectful that they haven’t stepped up and said what they want to do. Very sadly, it does not appear that she’s going to be back on ‘Idol.” 

Paula tweeted about this yesterday by saying, “I’m actually moved 2 tears upon reading the enormous amount of tweets showing me your kindness, love, & undying support. God bless all of you! If it weren’t for you, this specific time and situation would feel a whole lot worse!”

Reports about what she may or may not have been drinking when she tweeted that have not yet been released.

I could be wrong, but it appears that Tara Reid probably could use another 90 days.

Yeah.  Amy Winehouse collapsed in St Lucia this past weekend and was taken to the hospital.  Turns out she was just dehydrated.  You know what?  I’m starting to think that it’s bigger news when NOTHING happens to Amy Winehouse.  I mean, a day when Amy Winehouse just gets up and has a regular day?  That’s NEWS, you guys.

Courtney Love had this to say on her myspace blog earlier today:

Yeah. 

I’m pretty certain she’s talking about Obama’s economic policy here.  It’s either that or nuclear fusion.  I’m sure of it.

This is that wacked out super uber over the top gay guy who appeared on Anna Nicole Smith’s show years ago.  His name is Bobby Trendy, and I am afraid of him.  My guess is that poor defenseless dog he’s holding is too.

Anna Nicole has been deceased sufficiently long enough for me to mock her, right?  Because wow, she was insane.  My favorite video of her ever is this one:

 
I know some would argue that the most insane one was the one with clown make-up, but that one is just sad to me.  I like this one, because she’s insane AND having a great time. LOVE.