Did you ever see a picture that just totally made your brain hurt from all of the possible captions that could go with it? One that you couldn’t stop looking at, even though the last thing in the world you wanted to do was look at it? A photo whose image would be forever seared into your memory, regardless of how much you willed yourself to forget you ever saw it?
Welcome to this photo.
As always, mockdock love to the best caption.
See that dude? He’s a total perv.
The Smoking Gun reports that Ronald Miller, age 56, was hanging out at home with his windows and doors wide open, when police drove by and noticed that anyone driving down the road could easily see him all exposed and naked and doing unspeakable things to himself. So they approached the house, and got close enough to see very clearly that Ronald was busying himself with putting a hefty bag covered claw hammer into his analular area. Yup! Riiiiiight in there. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, how might one go about inserting a claw hammer into one’s anus without proper lubrication?
Ronald, as it turns out, was waaaaay ahead of the game, and had lubed himself up nicely with MOTOR OIL.
The police walked right into his house and it wasn’t until they actually spoke to him that Ronald bothered to even acknowledge their presence. They informed him they’d arrest him for public indecency and cruelty to claw hammers. (Ok - maybe not the claw hammer part, but I certainly feel sorry for it…)
One of the cops happened to see a neighbor witnessing this whole thing and asked her questions about Ronald. She had the following observation to share:
“He’s not right.”
Nice detective work, neighbor. Very astute observation indeed. Was it the motor oil that gave it away?
I would love this story even more if the dude didn’t live just 2.5 hours away from here. <shudder>
Paris Hilton’s mom’s nipular area.
How’s that for a Monday afternoon treat?
Carry on with your day now.
I just read an article about how docs in Australia are growing increasingly concerned about cinics which offer various vaginal area procedures to women. Apparently, there is a trend towards these kind of procedures which include “vaginal rejuvenation, revirgination, designer vaginoplasty and G-spot amplification”.
I am not making this up. You can actually become “revirginized” or you can ”amplify your G-spot,” all for the low low price of around $10k.
Anyway, the concerned Australian folks say that there are all sorts of risks associated with these procedures, which include things like scarring and disfigurement, infection, or dyspareunia. (I know. I had to look it up too.)
So these concerned Australian doctors are suggesting that these procedures may “exploit vulnerable women” and “might prey on people with insecurities and fears who actually need psychological help.”
Well, thanks Australian doctors. If you hadn’t said that, I would never have guessed that a woman who would pay ten grand to VOLUNTARILY have any part of her vaginal area knifed into miiiight be in need of psychological help.
I do not consider myself a huge proponent of plastic surgery, but if there has EVER been a perfect candidate for a breast lift, it would have to be Aretha Franklin. Except, I’m not even sure if a standard breast lift would even work in this particular situation. It would have to be more like a breast heave. I mean, at this point, her nipples are pointing directly south, and if they hosited up each boob and say, stapled them onto her shoulders, there would STILL be enough excess boobage to hang down and create a semi-normal outward facing nipular area.
Clearly I could be of assistance, as a consultant of sorts, to her plastic surgery team. Due to my scientific background.
I just - I don’t - I can’t understand what is happening here.
Is she actually suggesting that she’s going to seduce someone? As a new strategy of sorts? Wearing that?
So that we can’t ever be accused of only mocking the enormous, gigantic, and freakishly large , I have decided that you all need to see the other side. The opposite of enormous, gigantic and freakishly large.
An alert mockdocker turned me on to the hideousness you see below.
You have to wonder if the make-up artist even notices the fact that she’s applying lipstick to a CORPSE in boots. She looks utterly unfazed by this chick’s skinniness. But this one’s my favorite:
There needs to be a serious role reversal here. Not that the chick being fed wouldn’t benefit from eating whatever sort of delicious looking pastries those are, but the FEEDER chick should eat 4 tables worth of those on an hourly basis for the next year, so that she MIGHT have the potential to look like an actual human again.
Will someone please explain what the hell is happening with/to Courtney Love in this photo? Guitar? Crazy bathing suit, complete with waist corsage? Footbrace? Bizarre hand gesture? Whaaa?
Flabio (see what I did there?) Briatore was captured frolicking around again with his new-ish Nicole Scherzinger-ish wife. Granted, she doesn’t look all that thrilled to be with him in this particular photo, but I’m actually sparing you by NOT posting the picture of the two of them kissing.
I kind of have this weird urge to put a quarter into his belly button. Is that weird?
…and it’s obviously a match made in heaven.
Thanks to mockdocker bob for the find, and for the censoring. ESPECIALLY FOR THE CENSORING.
I think we should all pause now, to thank everything that’s holy, that the water is distorting her pubicular area.
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