An alert and astute mockdocker sent in this photo today. I just don’t have words to describe how completely vile I think this is. I mean, baby showers are totally the frilliest, gooey-est, cheeseballiest things ever, and I mostly hate them because of all the gay games you’re forced to play, but at LEAST for the most part, they tend to be tasteful, good-clean-fun type of events. I mean, everyone knows how babies are born, so is it vital to demonstrate it on a CAKE?
I don’t even wanna know what kind of gifts were brought to this.
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Why why why why WHY do women do this??? Why do they subject themselves to the torture of ripping perfectly good eyebrow hairs from their follicles, only to then DRAW THEM BACK ON??? I mean, I can understand shaping…contouring…manicuring. But this? No. I do not understand. And as someone who has the worst “hair genes” on the planet and is desperately lacking in the eyebrowular area, this process confounds my mind and infuriates my soul.
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An alert and astute mockdocker sent in this photo today. Correct me if I’m wrong, but is that a KEY attached to herhis its g-string? Whaaaaa?
Also, look at the bottom lip. It’s the size of an oreo.
I love how everyone around is like, totally oblivious to the fact that there is an amazon burgundy FREAK standing around holding a whip. Speaking of whips, you can never ever ever have too much of this scene:
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An alert and astute mockdocker sent us this photo of a woman who apparently is in the Guiness Book of World Records for having really crooked knees.
KIDDING. She’s in there for having boobs the size of small countries. She’s like a super double ZZZ or something. Like a bra size that someone just made up out of thin air for lack of having enough actual letters to categorize those monstrosities.
But you know what’s worse? The email included photos taken at various angles. And, horrifyingly, there were a couple of photos of those things WITHOUT A BRA to hoist them to waist level. I’m not going to subject you to the full nakedness, but I do believe it’s important for you to see this:
You know you have big boobs when Aretha Franklin looks flat-chested next to you.
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Did you ever see a picture that just totally made your brain hurt from all of the possible captions that could go with it? One that you couldn’t stop looking at, even though the last thing in the world you wanted to do was look at it? A photo whose image would be forever seared into your memory, regardless of how much you willed yourself to forget you ever saw it?
Welcome to this photo.
As always, mockdock love to the best caption.
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The Smoking Gun reports that Ronald Miller, age 56, was hanging out at home with his windows and doors wide open, when police drove by and noticed that anyone driving down the road could easily see him all exposed and naked and doing unspeakable things to himself. So they approached the house, and got close enough to see very clearly that Ronald was busying himself with putting a hefty bag covered claw hammer into his analular area. Yup! Riiiiiight in there. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, how might one go about inserting a claw hammer into one’s anus without proper lubrication?
Ronald, as it turns out, was waaaaay ahead of the game, and had lubed himself up nicely with MOTOR OIL.
The police walked right into his house and it wasn’t until they actually spoke to him that Ronald bothered to even acknowledge their presence. They informed him they’d arrest him for public indecency and cruelty to claw hammers. (Ok - maybe not the claw hammer part, but I certainly feel sorry for it…)
One of the cops happened to see a neighbor witnessing this whole thing and asked her questions about Ronald. She had the following observation to share:
“He’s not right.”
Nice detective work, neighbor. Very astute observation indeed. Was it the motor oil that gave it away?
I would love this story even more if the dude didn’t live just 2.5 hours away from here. <shudder>
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I just read an article about how docs in Australia are growing increasingly concerned about cinics which offer various vaginal area procedures to women. Apparently, there is a trend towards these kind of procedures which include “vaginal rejuvenation, revirgination, designer vaginoplasty and G-spot amplification”.
I am not making this up. You can actually become “revirginized” or you can ”amplify your G-spot,” all for the low low price of around $10k.
Anyway, the concerned Australian folks say that there are all sorts of risks associated with these procedures, which include things like scarring and disfigurement, infection, or dyspareunia. (I know. I had to look it up too.)
So these concerned Australian doctors are suggesting that these procedures may “exploit vulnerable women” and “might prey on people with insecurities and fears who actually need psychological help.”
Well, thanks Australian doctors. If you hadn’t said that, I would never have guessed that a woman who would pay ten grand to VOLUNTARILY have any part of her vaginal area knifed into miiiight be in need of psychological help.
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I do not consider myself a huge proponent of plastic surgery, but if there has EVER been a perfect candidate for a breast lift, it would have to be Aretha Franklin. Except, I’m not even sure if a standard breast lift would even work in this particular situation. It would have to be more like a breast heave. I mean, at this point, her nipples are pointing directly south, and if they hosited up each boob and say, stapled them onto her shoulders, there would STILL be enough excess boobage to hang down and create a semi-normal outward facing nipular area.
Clearly I could be of assistance, as a consultant of sorts, to her plastic surgery team. Due to my scientific background.
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