Yeah. A follower simply asked Ashley Judd whether or not she liked sushi. An appropriate and normal response would have been, “Why yes – I do indeed like sushi” or “No, I don’t particularly like sushi.” But if you’re Ashley Judd, you answer with some sort of faux-profundity, like this:
She’s free when she goes for sushi, everyone. SHE IS FREE AT LAST.
Also, since the death of Dan Wheldon, she’s been tweeting poetry and all sorts of grief counselor-y stuff, and her followers have been lapping it up like crazy. And she’s fantastically impressed with herself:
She’s being showered with words from her Higher Power, folks. And it’s rather incredible.
I’m sure all of those victims are THANKING THEIR LUCKY STARS that Ashley Judd is dedicating her yoga practice to them. Because a celebrity millionaire’s yoga session is soooo helpful to them.
Some completely awesome person responded to her:
EXACTLY.
And in addition to Ashley believing that her downward dogs and planks are saving the world, she would also like you to know that she is ESPECIALLY beautiful today. Not just her normal beautiful, mind you, but ESPECIALLY beautiful.
Look. I’m a fan of self-esteem. I happen to be my own biggest fan, as a matter of fact. But this is just over the top. A little humility would do Ashley some good.
“I have too great a life, much to choose from” she says, managing to boast about her husband’s career in the same tweet, and all in under 140 characters. THAT is some impressive boasting, you guys.
So anyway, I just wanted to remind you all of her superiority. And in case you forget it, just remember her quote from an earlier post, in which her haughtiness and arrogance is on full display. “I was restored to my proper place in the pantheon,” she said then.
How much does that make you want to punch her in the face?
Naturally, the reasons she likes to fight on camera are all inexplicably feminine justicey and gender violencey and completely ridiculous, but nevertheless, she likes to fight on camera. “To fight on film” she says, “is a symbolic expression for me personally of women everywhere being able to fight back.”
THAT is how important and significant she is to herself, you guys. Her fight scenes in her TV series for which she is being paid millions is the symbolic expression of women everywhere fighting against gender inequities. Because, you know, it’s important that you to learn to speak the language of violence, as only Ashley Judd’s fight scenes can teach you.
Ahh…the incredibly rough life of Ashley Judd. HOWEVER WILL SHE CHOOSE?
Personally, I’d like to see her go full-on greasy ELF, like she did a few Oscars ago:
Or, perhaps she could make more of a color statement, as she did here:
Anyway, her tweet naturally brought out all of the people who fawn over her like minions, telling her how gorgeous she’d be no matter what she wore, blah blah blah. Which was, of course, Ashley’s entire purpose for tweeting something that self-serving in the first place. She may as well have just written, “Dear minions, you will never know what a struggle it is to have to choose a designer gown to attend Cannes. Especially on fewer than 10 hours of sleep. Please compliment me now.”
Maybe that would have exceeded the 140-character rule.
…I thought I’d let you know what happened with my job stuff.
So, remember how I got reduced to part time in the beginning part of August? And how I was kinda freaking because all you ever hear on the news ever is how much the economy sucks and how everyone is unemployed and how there are no jobs?
So I have what appears to be a solution. It’s a two-part solution.
1. Be in Human Resources.
2. Be in Indianapolis.
Seriously, you guys. In a matter of about 3 weeks, I had interviews with 4 different companies. Then, in like the third week of August, my current company told me they were bringing me back full time on the first of Sept. But by then, wheels were already in motion with the company I’m now going TO, and there was sort of no turning back. And once I already accepted, I received offers to interview with three other companies. And I’m STILL getting emails from other recruiters expressing interest. So I’ve decided that the unemployment crisis would basically be solved if those folks who are currently unemployed would simply go into HR, and move here. Because honestly, I don’t think I’m getting this kind of response because I’m especially awesome or anything. I really think it just so happens that the market for HR in Indy is super juicy right now.
See? I’m a problem solver.
Anyway, so I was part time for about a month, and now I’m full time again at the same job until the first week of October, and then I’ll be contracting with my current company for another few weeks, and then I’ll start my new job after Junior Mock has his surgery.
You’re probably sorry you asked now, aren’t you? Because this was the most boring post ever. The only way it can possibly be improved is with a horrible picture of Ashley Judd:
Seriously. These people are RIDICULOUS. It’s as if they’re all in some sort of bizarre Deepak Chopra contest to see who can out-introspect everyone else.
Ashley then wrote, “Entrenched patriarchy. And remember: patriarchy is a system in which we all participate. It’s not just gender construct” to which another one of her devoted followers replied, “I, we, participate and help sustain the Continuation and support of a system that exploits women and profits men.”
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