The Mock Dock

Look.  I understand tasteful pregnancy pics that involve some nudity.  But Mariah Carey’s husband is holding on to her boobs like he’s about to rip them off, and it’s just totally gross.

Plus, her face looks weird.  I understand pregnancy swelling, but I don’t understand pregnancy THIS.

Is she pregnant? I thought I heard recently she was pregnant. If she IS, she’s apparently carrying her spawn basically from the top of her ribcage down to about mid-thigh.

If she’s not pregnant, then…she’s well-fed.

LOOK at all of the people who rush to her aid. THAT is a posse, my friends. If I fell, there would be some random passers-by pointing and laughing, and that’s it.

I need a posse.

That’s quite a spread for a beach picnic (no pun intended). I think that might even be a TURNSTILE.

I’m jealous of the girl on our right because she has fabulous hair.   However, there is absolutely nothing I’m jealous of about the girl on our left, least of all her totally cliche trampstamp.  Really?  A butterfly?  How very Mariah Carey.

Wait.  IS THAT MARIAH CAREY?????

According to this, Mariah Carey is pregnant.

I don’t have much to say, except that I already feel bad for the kid and it’s not even fully cooked yet.

Anyway, here’s a basket full of hideous cats.

Simon Cowell got like, everyone who’s anyone, to remake REM’s Everybody Hurts to help out Haiti. The video is totally behind the music, and I don’t mean that in the way that means it gives you background and inside scoop on the song. I mean it’s literally behind. The pictures don’t go with the artist. BUT, everyone is eventually accounted for.

Most annoying line – Mariah Carey. BY FAR.

Best performance – Robbie Williams, whose line is just before the very end when the entire group sings together.

LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Junior Mock and I are already home! The surgery went really well, and after about an hour of what seemed like some serious pain, Junior Mock seems to be comfortable and is just hanging out with me at home. He’s got bandages everywhere of course, but he hasn’t yet complained when I move him and he’s already been fed some apple juice.

Best hospital experience EVER.

And to top it all off, Mariah Carey acted like an imbecile again. Only this time, she did it in a dress she could barely walk in. LOVE:

And that’s just me being NICE about her.

Anyway, Mariah Carey won an award for her acting in the movie Precious, and this video clip is just the first part of her wacked out acceptance speech, in which she is completely punch-worthy. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the speech, but can only assume it was SO awful, that whoever created this video was too mortified to keep recording.

HATE.

You can’t tell me that dogs aren’t offended by her high notes. There is NO WAY that her dolphin shrieks don’t irritate dogs.

I think I may have said this before, but it really bugs the crap out of me that she always has a hand up. It’s either just hanging out near her face -palm out, or she’s pointing up (because that helps her hit the dog-abusing notes) or she’s fluttering her fingers. I want, just once, for her to sing a song handcuffed, just to see if she could even do it.

HATE.

That is all.

According to this,  Pariah Carey believes that the reason her horrific debut movie Glitter did so poorly at the box office is because it came out on 9/11.  This is the first time in history that I can recall a celebrity blaming their own failure on a terrorist attack.  But this is Pariah, so it shouldn’t really come as any big surprise.

She said, “That movie was released on September 11th, 2001 – could there be a worse day for that movie to come out? I don’t think so.  I don’t even know that many people even saw the movie so I don’t think it’s the worst thing ever done.  Glitter was a learning experience and I wouldn’t do it again if you paid me. But I didn’t have representation or anyone to tell me: ‘What you need is a great director’.”

So, slight correction.  It bombed because of 9/11 and because of her director.

Got it.