The Mock Dock

I don’t even know what this outfit IS.  Is it exercise gear?  Is it clubwear?

What’s your immediate reaction when you hear that Mariah Carey and Mo’Nique are going to star in a movie? If it’s giggles and eye rolling, then yeah. You and I had the same initial reaction.

But you guys, Mariah Carey looks horrific in this, which pretty much guarantees award nods. And the trailer actually made me a little teary-eyed, even though I’m not anywhere CLOSE to the time of the month that I typically get teary-eyed at previews.

Who am I kidding. I cry at previews ALL THE TIME.

But I’m serious. This looks like a really powerful and moving film, and I want to see it. Even though Mariah Carey is in it. And even though Mo’Nique spells her name with an apostrophe.

Even though.

You know what this dress looks like?  A ruffled swimcap.   Or the kind of kneesock a 2nd grader would wear. 

I had almost forgotten how much I hated her until I saw this photo.

It’s snowing outside, Pariah.  Put your cleavage away for God’s sake.

So this 9 year old girl went on a news show as part of some “Make a kid’s ultimate dream come true” thing. And apparently her big dream was to meet Mariah Carey. Already, then, there is reason to question this kid. Because Mariah Carey is a demon.

Anyway, Mariah comes out with like, TRUCKLOADS of presents for this kid, and she could not look LESS excited. She’s seriously the most unenthusiastic person EVER. Particularly for someone who has just apparently had their LIFELONG DREAM COME TRUE. She barely even smiles when the TV producers come out with more presents for her, including a $500 gift certificate. And I don’t think it’s nerves. I genuinely think this kid is just one of the most boring kids ever.

I try really hard not to rip on defenseless kids, because, well, they’re defenseless KIDS. But if you’re a kid who likes Mariah Carey, I’m going to have to rip on you. And if you’re a kid whose DREAM it is to meet Mariah Carey, and then you meet her, and you have an opportunity to ask her anything you want and you ask her what her favorite color is, well, I’m going to have to rip on you even more.

Please have your parents use that gift certificate to buy you an actual personality. Thank you.

Mariah Carey looks like a big giant bag of swollen ass in this photo.  

I Hate Mariah Carey = Mockdock posts photo of her looking like a big giant bag of swollen ass (in case you’re new here).

Like Pariah Carey’s sideboob?  Jump in.

Continue reading ‘Wanna See Something Gross?’

…that Pariah Carey SUCKED ASS at the performance in London which required 27 pieces of luggage. BEHOLD – the worst performance of Hero EVER.

You can flutter your hand around your face all you want, Mariah, but it’s not helping.

HATE.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me an article about Pariah Carey arriving in London for a performance she’s going to do on The X-Factor.  She will be there for 3 days.  Do you know what she brought with her for her 3-day stay?

TWENTY SEVEN PIECES OF LUGGAGE.

I am not making this up.

I’m a chronic overpacker, as Mr. Mock would gladly tell anyone who will listen, because by default he ends up having to haul all my crap around whenever we go anywhere.  But seriously – twenty seven bags?  For three days?

I hate that wretched cow.  And because I hate her, here’s a picture of her when she was fatter.

I hate hate hate hate Mariah Carey so much.  She and her husband dressed up like a slutty firefighter and a firefighter, respectively, for Halloween.  You know what she needs, besides like 42 pounds of oil control powder?  A punch in the face.

You know what else I hate?  I hate that halloween costume stores are FILLED with slutty versions of almost every profession, and only slightly stocked with regular versions of professions.  You can be a slutty nurse, or a slutty pilot, or apparently, a slutty firefighter, but if you want to just look like an ACTUAL nurse or pilot or firefighter, you’re basically SOL.  This is why I wore a nun costume this year.  Because it’s kinda hard to sluttify a nun, plus you can eat a lot and not worry about having to hold your stomach in.  So win-win.