Let’s just assume that this picture is intended to be used in a personals ad. An eHarmony profile picture, perhaps. Mockdock love goes to the mockdocker with the best profile description. GO!
Archive for the 'Mockery' Category
Let’s face it. Dude looks damn good for 74. And I will be moved out of my first class seat in hell STRAIGHT into coach for saying this, but he also kiiiiinda looks like a burn victim in the face-ular area. IS he a burn victim? I honestly don’t know.
And, as a designer of CLOTHING, I would appreciate if he would wear more of it. This is waaaay more of Armani than I think anyone needs to see.
OK Magazine is running the first photos of Matt McConahoweveryouspellit’s new baby boy, Levi. In the accompanying article, Matt says,
“We found a great rhythm. Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music. We were jamming! She was sweating. No painkiller, let’s go. She just clicked into that gear that only a woman has at a time like this. We’d been up for 40-something hours, and we went from dead tired to a really steadfast, ‘Let’s handle this… let’s stay in the rhythm. Don’t let the contraction be more than you.’”
If Matthew was the father of my about-to-be-born kid, and I was in labor, and he started going all Brazilian DJ on me, and he said “Don’t let the contraction be more than you” to me, I would punch him square in the face.
The kid’s awfully cute, I must say. Get a good look at him now, because this might be the last time you see him NOT smoking pot.
God I hate her. You know, she’s kind of getting to that age where this outfit is no longer appropriate. In fact, I don’t know that this outfit is appropriate for ANY age, because it’s hideous. You know what I really hate? I hate her speaking voice. I do not understand how she is able to sing at all when her speaking voice sounds like a toad with strep throat.
I think we can all agree that this woman cares relatively little about her outward appearance. That much is pretty obvious. But when you’re like, utterly unaware that your own underwear is sliding down your legs, that’s a problem. She is officially unrecoverable. I don’t think any amount of make-up, or styling, or soap, or transgendering can help this person.
I don’t think there is any other way to explain this “music video” that Natalie Portman, presumably voluntarily, is in with her furry boyfriend, Devendra Barnhart.
WTF is up with this crazy video? I’ve never done drugs, but I’m going to assume that if I did, this is pretty much what it would feel like.
Totally Unrelated P.S. Natalie Portman is gorgeous. Crazy maybe, but gorgeous.
Having the ability to perform a pelvic exam on yourself. Without the aid of a mirror.
Here’s what Nicole Kidman looks like TWO WEEKS after giving emptying a baby out of her uterine area. Seriously, what kind of alien freak is Nicole Kidman? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?
You know what’s sad? It’s really not clear if she’s taking away these cigarettes or handing them to him. Either is equally possible.
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are going to visit Iraq. To perform for the troops. Which clearly must mean that they are in bed with our worst enemies, because there is no way that the troops would see this as anything other than a blatant attack. We can only hope that they are free to fire at will as soon as those two clowns are in sight.
And guess what else! They are coming out with a video game. Spencer said, “It’s top secret. Get ready. All your wildest dreams are going to be in it.”
I don’t see how they can possibly be creating a video which contains me winning a $50 million dollar powerball AND punching both of them in the face, but I guess we’ll see.
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