The Mock Dock

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I’m exhausted, you guys, and so it took me like three reads of this name to realize how totally AWFUL it is. Hopefully you’ll get it quicker than I did. Hint: Say it without a break between first and last name.

MEAN.

As most probably know, Amy Winehouse is no longer with us. I didn’t know myself until I received a message from Mock stating  “Amy Winehouse is officially no longer a superhero”. Although she has supplied the site with a lot of material for mocking, this is not one of them. I am amazed as I’m sure a lot of others that she lasted this long. I did find it a strange coincidence that she was 27 years old. For those that have not heard, there is supposedly something of a curse for rockers known to abuse drugs dying at the age of 27. Some call them members of the 27 club. It includes Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain and others. Now it seems as Amy has joined them.

…except that I really can’t.

We’re five days away from Vegas, mockdockers, and that means that it’s almost time for Buckeye Bob to do the entertaining around here. He and I have just completed our “How To Post On The Mock Dock” teleconference, and so you might see a post or two from him over the next few days before he kicks it into high gear on Friday evening and becomes King Of The Mock Dock this weekend.

Be gentle with him, for he’s CONVINCED he’s going to screw something up, which I have insisted is impossible. He’s going to do great, but hopefully you will all still miss me a little bit and I won’t have hundreds of emails telling me to just stay in Vegas and let Bob take over full time.

Anyway, my point is that Vegas is only 5 days away, and we are getting SO TOTALLY PSYCHED. And knowing that I’ve got Buckeye Bob at the helm is making it a lot easier to leave my laptop behind and just ENJOY Sin City with the girls.

Meantime, here’s a horrible picture of Ashley Judd.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me a link to a story about the woman pictured above, Catherine Becker, who poisoned her husband, cut off his weewee and ground it up in the garbage disposal.

He deserved it, she said. She’d put something to make him super sleepy in his food, and while he slept, she tied him to the bed. Riiiiiiiiiiiight when he woke up, she sliced his weewee off with a kitchen knife. Worst. Way to wake up. EVER.

Police found him bleeding profusely, still tied to the bed. Happily, PIECES of his weewee were recovered from the garbage disposal, but no word on whether they were able to reattach any of them.

Apparently, she was miffed that he’d filed for divorce a few months back (they’d only been married a year and a half).

Catherine is currently being held in the Orange County jail, and the last line of the sourcelink is “The investigation is ongoing.”

Really? Because this seems pretty cut and dried. She let the police in and showed them where her husband was tied up in the bed, bleeding from his weeweeular area, and said he deserved it. Not sure what’s left to investigate.

Anyway, Catherine’s got a bit of a temper. I don’t even HAVE a weewee, and yet I still felt physical pain in that general region when I read this.

Ow.

The picture above is of the most precious man alive, Tyrone Curry, who recently won the lottery and gave 40k to the school at which he has worked as a janitor/coach for 20 years, in order for them to buy a new racetrack for the kids.   He is PRECISELY the kind of person who I always HOPE will win the lottery.  I want to hug assault him and facesmash him SO HARD.

According to the sourcelink, Tyrone has always been the sort of fella who would help other people out, even when he was struggling himself.  And winning the lottery hasn’t changed him a bit.  After taxes, he received $2.5 million, but he continues to work in the same job he’s had forever, and continues to live in the same house (although he’s fixed it up a bit).

Tyrone said, “I wanted to do something for the kids who are here now and for all the future kids.”

You have to read the whole article, because it will make you want to EAT HIS FACE OFF.  His mom, he says, “kept us grounded. She taught us to work for what we got and to work with what we got.”

And his sense of personal responsibility remains strong.  Instead of going hogwild with their new fortune, Tyrone and his wife are saving the money for their retirement.

Salt. Of. The. EARTH.   LOVE.

You guys remember that story, don’t you? The one about the sweet married couple who were dirt poor but wanted to get each other Christmas gifts? And the girl had the most beautiful long hair ever but no pretty combs to put in it, and the boy had a cherished pocket watch but with no chain, and so unbeknownst to each other, the girl sold her hair to buy a chain for the watch, and the boy sold his watch to buy combs for his wife’s hair, and it was this painfully bittersweet story. Remember?

Well, this story is about a BAZILLION TIMES MORE AWFUL. According to the sourcelink, a sweet 12 year old girl in India heard her family members lamenting the fact that her father needed eye surgery in order to save his sight, and her brother needed a kidney transplant, but there was no money for either. She concocted a plan that she thought would solve everything, and that was to kill herself, so that her kidney could go to her brother and her dowry could provide money for her father’s surgery.

She swallowed some pesticide, and ultimately died, leaving behind a suicide note to her family explaining why she did it. The problem was that the note wasn’t found until the day AFTER the family cremated her.

That story makes me physically HURT.

I am ILL.

Even this picture doesn’t make me feel better:

Discuss.

Awwww jeeez.

Chris Hansen just got totally busted cheating on his wife, by an undercover camera crew from the Enquirer.

Here’s Chris and his wife:

And here’s the new chick Chris has decided to bang on the side:

Chris – you may have chosen a chick 23 years younger than your wife, but you downgraded.  I’m just saying.

Plus, you’re a jerk.  And I’m disappointed in you.

Cheaters suck.