Archive for the 'News' Category

STOP. Your Freedom Is Over.

<political rant on>

Straight from his Oregon speech:

“We can’t drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times … and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK,” Obama said.  “That’s not leadership. That’s not going to happen,” he added.

Um, yeah it is, Barack.  Last time I checked, this was AMERICA, a land in which I am allowed to make choices about what car I drive and what I eat and what temperature to keep my home at. 

You know what’s NOT leadership?  Hanging out and trying to have tea and crumpets with Ahmejinedad. 

Ugh.

<political rant over>

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Prepare To Feel Really Bad About Yourself

See this kid?  This is a 10 year old kid who’s a sophomore in college.  And he’s breezing through his advanced math, astronomy and stats classes, with a future goal of proving that wormholes exist.  When he’s not at school, he’s off winning trophies in martial arts and playing at piano recitals.

You know - typical 10 year old kid stuff.

In other news, a 19 year old college freshman just became mayor of Muskogee, OK.  I’m not kidding about this.  And he wants to continue his schooling.  You know - when his mayoral duties don’t conflict. 

What the hell did these mothers take when they were pregnant?

 

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Exhibit 54: Another Example Of Excess

An anonymous alert MockDocker brought this to our attention.

You know that family in Arkansas who has 17 kids?  Well, that crazy mom is at it again, pregnant with number 18 and preparing for a New Year’s Day arrival in 2009.

This woman has been pregant for ELEVEN YEARS if you add up all the gestational activity.  That is totally ridiculous.

All of the kids have names that start with J.  The more fortunate ones are called names like Jackson and Jennifer and Jason and James - while those kids who are destined to hate their parents are called Jedidiah and Jinger. 

Can you even imagine how easy it is for this woman to give birth at this point? They probably just fall out during the normal course of a day anymore.  Like, she probably has had these last couple while braiding her hair or darning socks.

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I Don’t Mean To Get All Political, But Liberals Are A Bunch Of Crybabies.

 

 

So apparently, all sorts of liberal bloggers are having major freakouts over the fact that top Democrats, including Obama, Hillary, and Howard Dean, are appearing on Fox News.  They’re all, ” The party leaders are turning their backs on the base!  They’re legitimizing Fox News! Waaaah!!!”

The founder of the Daily Kos even said that Democrats are “idiotic” to go onto the Fox network.  According to this article,  liberal bloggers have been taking an active role in trying to get Democratic leaders to BOYCOTT Fox News to reduce their credibility.

This is so totally retarded.  I thought liberals were all about appreciating diversity and respecting everyone’s feelings, blah blah blah.  But I guess that only applies if you agree with them. 

Like it or not, liberals, lots and lots of people watch and enjoy Fox News.  And like it or not, Fox News is considered a major news outlet/source.  So you know what a smart thing to do is if you’re a Democratic leader?  GO ON FOX NEWS.  This shows people that you’re not a complete pussy and that you’re not afraid to be asked pointed questions by <gasp> a person with possible conservative viewpoints. 

I can’t believe that this is something liberal bloggers even waste time getting upset over.  Their problem is that they think their opinions are the only ones that matter, and therefore the candidates should only care about them.  But if they had any sense they’d realize that it’s important for the candidates to try to appeal to as many people as possible, not just one little teeny tiny fanatical group of lefties.

End of rant. 

P.S.  Word on the street is that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon didn’t get a pre-nup!

P.P.S.  See?  Now this post is officially back to normal mockdockiness.

 

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We’re Gonna Make News - We’re Gonna Break News

I love Tracey Ullman so much for parodying Rita Cosby, who could be the most irritating news correspondent of All Time.

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Farmers: Do You Know Where Your Cows Are?

Moorestown Patrolman Robert Melia of Moorestown was arrested without incident on April 12 and charged with aggravated sexual assault of three juvenile females.

See this dude? He’s a police officer from New Jersey, responsible for keeping the peace, keeping NJ residents safe, and setting an example to society on how to live according to the laws of the state.

He’d been arrested a couple years ago for sexually assaulting 3 different young girls with the help of his girlfriend, a charged accomplice.  Obviously though, he was released long enough to HAVE SEX WITH COWS.

To protect and to serve.

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Say What You Will About Him…

…but you can’t deny that GW is just plain likeable. I love this SO MUCH.

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Here’s What’s Keeping The Florida Senate Busy These Days

Alert and astute reader and personal friend Danny, who has provided excellent mockdock material in the past, hooked a sista up with an article from the Tallahassee Democrat, about the Florida Senate passing an amendment in which a sixty dollar fine and driver’s license points are imposed on drivers displaying “truck nutz” the novelty item shown in the above photo.

This is actually going to be voted on this week.  THIS is what Florida taxpayers are spending their hard earned money on. 

I’m sure stupid crap like this happens nationwide, but this seemed as good a time as any to pile on Florida

 

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BEST Article Title Ever….

Earthquakes aren’t the only thing makin’ news in Indiana today! 

http://www.theindychannel.com/news/15919800/detail.html

Enjoy!

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If Indiana is a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’…

Well we have had an interesting morning here at Mock Dock Central Headquarters in Indianapolis, IN. At 5:30ish this mornin’ there was a HUGE (well, ok, moderate) earthquake. (Joey from “Blossom” voice: “WHOA!”).  Maybe in your neck of the woods an earthquake is no-biggie…but apparently the Chicken Littles of the Hoosier state are fa-reaking out.

On the news this morning, the new casters acted like the apocolypse had hit the greater Indianapolis area  and then would proceed to show random intersections and downtown areas where literally nothing was going on. As usual. People were driving to work and all was well.

“BREAKING NEWS! NOTHING IS HAPPENING! THIS IS GOING TO BE A NORMAL DAY” People would call in to say what they sort of heard or felt…and keep us viewers up-to-date on which piece of their China set did or didn’t break. “Whew, another gravy boat is safe this morning.” A correspondent was at a local doughnut shop saying things like “people are here to eat away their sorrows of the morning’s events.” Really?

Wow. Are you fans starting to see why we had to start this website? There is too many mock-able things surrounding us. Just wait till Race Season…we will have PAGES of posts.

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