The Mock Dock

Because this seems like the most clear-cut case of guilt EVER.

According to this, a chick in Russia woke up the other day to a very unnerving sight.

She was in a coffin, and a bunch of her family and friends were standing over her crying.  She was at her own funeral.

Apparently, doctors had earlier mistakenly pronounced her dead, when she really wasn’t.

When she woke up in a coffin, at her own funeral, she started screaming in terror because HELLO that would be the WORST THING EVER.  So, she was rushed to the hospital, where she REALLY died of a heart attack brought on by the shock of BEING AT HER OWN FUNERAL.

Can you even BELIEVE that?!?!

Her husband is going to sue the hospital, and while I’m not a litigious person, to that I say HELL YES he should sue.  The hospital is currently “investigating” the error.

Worst. Way to die. EVER.

I can’t post something morbid with this, because the story itself is way too morbid.  So here’s a cute lamb.

Well, check out the chick who gets out of the passenger side of this car. She’s the polar opposite of Wal-mart woman, and she deserves a punch in the face, by someone wielding a cheese grater.

The driver of the car turned herself in, and the man who was hit is recovering. But no word on that despicable piece of crap who got out of the passenger side.

HOW AWESOME is this chick? You know what she is? She’s a hero. And the surveillance video of her stomping out of Wal-mart to go after those lowlife, degenerate a$$clowns is SO FREAKING AWESOME. She’s all determined and fierce and just badass, and I love her. Especially because she’s so regular and everyday and normal and just a FED UP CITIZEN who’s not going to turn a blind eye to thugs trying get away with crap that they have no business getting away with.

I love her. That chick’s got balls.

LOVE.

I hate pretentious snotrags like this beyotch who believe that because they are “well-educated” they are somehow exempt from the rules of COMMON DECENCY.

According to this, she was riding the NY Metro and gabbing on her cellphone to a friend of hers, being loud and using profanity. A train conducter politely asked her to keep it down a little and not drop the F-bomb all over the place, and the chick FLIPPED THE FREAK OUT about how well educated she is.

Because you know, those things are totally related. (????)

In the video, you’ll see one train employee explaining the situation to another employee, while the crazy beyotch is in the background yapping about the schools she went to and how well-educated she is.

My favorite part of the story, which is referenced in the sourcelink, is when the conductor came over the loudspeaker to remind passengers to keep their conversations quiet, “especially those people who went to Harvard or Yale or are from Westport.” I LOVE THAT.

This chick needs a big fat punch in the face. No one gives a crap that she is well-educated. What they give a crap about is that she not have her stupid “private” conversation laced with profanity and loud enough for the entire train to hear.

GAWD.

Awesome look of horror and immediate recovery. Warning: language.

Human brains. Technology. PURE AWESOME.

I totally got the weepy glees over this, even though it’s Berkeley.

Buckeye Bob sent me this awesome video, and said, “Here’s your next Antoine Dodson.” I hope he’s right, to the extent that someone makes this into a kickass autotune song. But NOT to the extent that this dude becomes famous and then does stupid crap like this:

I love this story. I’m not generally a fan of big geese, because they creep me out a little, but I like Maria.

If I were that dude, though, I’d keep an eye out for boiling bunnies, because Maria seems like she could totally go Fatal Attraction at any moment.

Farewell and RIP, you violet-eyed beauty, you. You’ll be remembered for your loveliness in youth, your many many marriages, and your howl.