The Mock Dock

I am pleased to inform you that I have ordered a product I saw on television, and expect said product in 3-6 weeks.

It’s the Lint Lizard.

I don’t know if I’ve ever told you guys much about my mom.  My mom is a worrier.  In fact, calling her a worrier is like the understatement of the century.  My mom worries about everything, and finds new stuff to worry about on a daily basis.  It’s her birthday today (and Buckeye Bob’s too! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MOCK MOM AND BB!!) and so it’s really fitting that I would buy this product today.  Let me explain.

A few months ago, my mom decided that her new thing to worry about was the possibility of a house fire being caused by an overabundance of lint in our dryer vent.  I’m pretty sure she gave me a newspaper article about this, because she always provides newspaper articles which support her latest worry. Most of the time, I read her articles with interest, and then move on with my life.  But I’ll admit, the fire hazard potential from dryer lint gave me pause.

So when I saw the commercial for the Lint Lizard for a mere $10.99, there was no way I couldn’t buy it.  We saw the commercial about an hour ago, and I was all, “OMG WE HAVE TO HAVE THAT” and Mr. Mock was like, “Don’t buy that crap” and I ignored him and immediately went to the website to order.  I put in a quantity of 1, and then put in all my billing info, and then I got to this screen, which made me laugh SO HARD, and I thought to myself, “Self – you have got to capture this for the mockdockers” and so without further ado, BEHOLD the screen that you get AFTER you’ve supplied your credit card and billing address information:

Obviously, the makers of Lint Lizard are woefully uninformed about what the word “free” means.    “Yours free for the low low price of $6.99!!!”

Anyway, after that screen, I was taken through like 12 more screens offering me all sorts of other crap that I didn’t want, until finally I got to the confirmation screen, which looked like this:

If you’re alert and astute, you may have noticed that there is NO ORDER NUMBER OR CONFIRMATION NUMBER OR ANY OTHER KIND OF IDENTIFYING CONFIRMATION whatsoever on this screen that I was advised to print.  This screen is basically useless, except to say to the world, “We just got another sucker to buy our crap!!!”

Notice also, that I paid seven dollars for them to ship me a piece of plastic in 3-6 WEEKS.  THAT is how much of a sucker I am.  Naturally, it will not arrive in that amount of time, which means I’ll be forced to call some life-hating person at Telebrands to follow up on the order, which should be fodder for another whole post about the Lint Lizard.

February 18th, mockdockers.  That’s six weeks from today.  I’ll keep you apprised of any developments.

How many of you have dogs? Do any of you have problems with them having bad behavior? Fortunately, there is a DVD out on Training your Dog. And it looks like, according to this picture, the dogs have a lot of fun with it.

Looks so much better than a rawhide bone.

Obviously, since I’m not a guy, I won’t be product testing this. But I will be watching this video very very very very carefully, repeatedly, in case there are aspects of it that require further study and investigation.

So this past Friday, I bought a set of fleece sheets for me and Mr. Mock.  This was at the suggestion of Bunny, who described them as follows:  “They’re like sleeping on kitten fur.  Kittens that have died and gone to heaven and had their fur made a million times softer by God, who then donated the soft fur to make sheets for us. That is what those sheets feel like.”

That’s a pretty solid recommendation, if you ask me.

Anyway, I was so excited to try them out that I washed them right when I got home Friday night, and put them on the bed right out of the dryer.  And I told Mr. Mock how excited I was to try them, which meant that it was pretty much guaranteed that he would make fun of them in some way to mess with me.

That night, as we slid into the glorious soft kitteny sheets, I said, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  Aren’t these the most glorious sheets EVER?”  And Mr. Mock replied, “It feels like I just crawled into a giant worn sock.”

I like Bunny’s description better.

Mr. Mock and I both slept super well in the cozy kitten sheets, and I loved them so much that I went to bed EARLY both Saturday and Sunday night.  That is how awesome they are – I just want to be IN THEM ALL THE TIME.

Anyway, if you are in the market for some new bedsheets, you should totally consider fleece, especially since God recycled dead kittens just for your comfort.

Just have someone slap the crap out of them. Presto.

Remember how I told you guys about that awesome website called vat19.com and introduced you to their fabulous Screwnicorn product?

Well, an alert and astute mockdocker sent me their latest product advertisement, and it is basically a huge pile of awesome.

Soooo inappropriately awesome. And under $30!! I am so getting this as a gift for SOMEONE. I don’t know who yet, but SOMEONE.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this video along with the comment that he thought this would be great for product testing, and I TOTALLY AGREE, but they are out of stock everywhere and I can’t find information about pricing. But I NEED the clown fish. I don’t particularly want the shark, because I’m afraid of sharks, but the clown fish looks very friendly.

WANT.

An alert and astute mockdocker sent me this video and suggested it might be good for a product test. You have no idea how tempted I am to do this. Especially after reading the testimonials.

There are TESTIMONIALS, you guys.

But as I was watching this video, Mr. Mock happened to come sit next to me, and he started shaking his head and chuckling, and he said, “So THIS is the kind of stuff you look at when you’re playing on your computer?” And I was all defensive and indignant and said, “It is a VERY USEFUL PRODUCT!! JUST LOOK AT THE TESTIMONIALS!”

So now I basically have to buy one, just out of spite.

…you buy DIAMOND CONTACTS.

First of all, these are totally creepy looking.

But more importantly, this is just the stupidest idea ever. For $15,000, you can buy these custom-made, gold plated contacts which have 18 diamonds in them, from someplace called Shekhar Eye Research. The dude who invented these said he became inspired when his wife had diamonds implanted in her TEETH at her last dentist visit.

As you might expect, some doctors are suggesting that it miiiiiiiiiiiiiiight not be such a good idea to put jewels DIRECTLY IN YOUR EYE. But that hasn’t dissuaded the creator of these lenses, who says, “We always talk eye to eye, and if your eyes are sparkling with diamonds, no one can look away; their eyes will be glued to you and your personality.” He even expects that these will replace the traditional engagement ring, and that guys will start using these to propose to their girlfriends.

That was sort of the easy giveaway that the dude is wack.

I will not product test these.

This could be the product YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR.

It’s niptastic!